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Yesterday the case manager called- says they decided to let P stay with his family. He is on a visit now, so she says just to not go pick him up. No goodbyes, nothing. Just box up his stuff and take it over to his bio-family's home. We've had P since he was 4 months old- now he is 17 months. For over a year we have been momma and papa, his 24 hr. caregivers. Visits with his family have been increasing to the point of being for 5 straight days- he is very attached to us (and his mom and dad) but throws an absolute fit when he has to leave with them. We knew this was coming at some point, but just out of the blue, "leave him there"??? We're devastated. Not just for the fact of the heartbreak for us, but will P be thinking when we never come pick him up on Friday? Is he going to suffer abandonment issues because of this? And is this wonderful county office going to do this again when E, our 12 month old leaves? I'm wondering if it's better to let E go to another placement now, before we get too attached, but then that wouldn't be best for him.It's no wonder foster parents burn out.
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OMG....I really can't imagine that you would be told just not to pick him up. That is the most absurd thing I have ever heard of. Do they have absolutely NO training on attachment in your county office :mad: ?! Is the supervisor aware?
Fine if they are reunifying and that is truly in his best interest, but not like that. You're right.....it's a wonder there are any parents willing to foster :( .
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if that is what the judge ordered, it is absolutely horrific and of course, can cause problems for the child.
I would call the SW (or the supervisoR) and request a good-bye visit at the minimum, especially if you have to bring his things there.
If they refuse, then let them come and pack up his things and transport them to him.
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Hi V8Momma,
I am so sorry that they have taken your little boy in this manner. I had this happen to my little foster child in April but she was returned to me after 8 weeks because the birthmom messed up bigtime. I have had her since she was 8 weeks and she was 19 months when she left for the eight weeks. I know your pain. My case mgr. has now changed the court plan to termination of the bmom's parental rights. Who knows what the future hold! Hang in there!
Thanks everyone. I was beginning to wonder if this was the norm for reunification. My husband did talk to the supervisor the day after this call came. She used to be a foster parent. From what I gather, they "felt that it would be best for us (foster parents) to not have to do a tearful goodbye scene" and also that's why they placed a 12 month old with us two months ago- because they wanted us to have someone else to focus on when P left. Talk about playing God with peoples lives! I feel very betrayed by the "team" that I was led to believe I was a part of. I hope none of you ever has to deal with this crap. The bright spot in all of this is that P's parents are really good people and I feel totally OK with him being in their home. I know they will do whatever is best for him. He was removed for really odd circumstances that will not happen again, so I feel good about that. I can't imagine if his bfamily was dysfunctional and had drug problems or something like that. I will call them probably tomorrow to set up a time to take his stuff home. Hopefully they will let us visit.
Update: Yesterday Bio-parents let us have P for a long visit when we took his stuff home. They have really been super thru all this. They also asked if we could keep him while they are out of town for 6 days later this month. The 19 hour car ride would be too much for P and we are more than happy to have him. Thanks again for all your kind words :o)
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