Advertisements
:) [font=Book Antiqua]HI to all this morning. We were opened back in March to foster and since then we have taken in 10 children. We have X who has been w/ us since he was 3dys old, and he's now 5mo old.We have A who was suppose to be here for 4dys only w/ her 2 siblings but it's turned into maybe a mth they say, but after 3dys we had to DFCS and ask that they come get the 2 older ones. I felt awful because we said we'd never split siblings but they also didn't tell us they had been diagnosed w/ some major defiant disorders. So, we got a call yesterday asking if we can take A who is 5mo as well. I thought well we've had twins before so I can do this. He does nothing but scream and when he screams X joins in. Am I over my head? I wanted to call my CW and let her know I can't do it past mon, is that wrong? I feel used sometimes and like they're upset w/ me because I didn't keep the last 3 together but we have 2 of our own as well. They withhold info as far as behavior stuff ,and they called last week and asked if we could take a 13yr old just overnight, they know we don't take teens but I did this night. It turns out she was 16 w/ severe bi-polar. Eventhough they do this to us time and time again I keep helping them because we believe this is our calling, so why do I feel bad asking them to take a lil one out of our home? So we're up to a 9yr,6yr,2yr, and 2 5mo old. Please someone give me some advice on how to handle DFCS. I'm afraid if I call again they may not be willing to call me in the future. Thank you so much.[/font][font=Book Antiqua][/font] [font=Book Antiqua]Marcie[/font][font=Book Antiqua]Mommy of 2 bio[/font][font=Book Antiqua]Mommy of 3fos (trying to adopt X)[/font]
Like
Share
Advertisements
I think the best approach would be to have an honest talk with the your licensing worker about how overwhelmed you are feeling. Let them know that you love fostering and don't want to give up, but that you have a hard time saying no, and that ends up not being best for the kids.....which is what everyone wants. You might also considering asking to have you license changed to allow only 2 placements....or whatever you feel you can handle. That way if someone calls, because they will, you can say we are only licensed for 2 children and we're full. They have to then go through your licensing worker to get approval for placement and she/he can be the tough guy and say that you are not taking more. Hope that makes sense and hope that's how it works where you are (it's like that here).
Our big hearts sometimes get us in way over our heads, don't they?!
my heart gets in the way all the time..i say no and they act put out w/ me so out of fear of them not calling me anymore i want to help them..i'm only open for 2 but my caseworker who knows this keeps calling me for more..she tells me they can give me a waiver to take more..i called them to tell them about the non-stop crying and she says he's never like that from what mom told me..like i'm doing something wrong..anyways, the babies are calling..lol ty both..marcie
Maybe the baby is never like that because he's used to being in a home where he's the only baby and gets 100% attention. Some babies are just overwhelmed. People, sounds, noise, light, new smells it's a lot on little systems. You can't help that and they should respect your opinion and decision. BUT I don't think you have to worry about them NOT calling you if you say no. Having good boundaries says a lot about a person. I have a feeling they'll always keep your home just full enough! Good luck with all the little ones.
Wow- I can totally relate. I am going thru that right now, in a way. We have a 12 month old that turns out to be alot more than I can physically handle right now, for many reasons like my health and the crying, but I also find that our 17 year old foster daughter has received little to no time at all from me since the baby has been with us b/c care for him is so demanding. She will be on her own when she ages out in February, so this is a critical time for her. So we asked DFC to place him elsewhere, and they just try to load the guilt on us, talk us out of it, tell us we could do part time care between him and grandma, etc. We are supposed to be a part of a team, but sometimes it seems the DFC forgets that and wants to suck us dry. Learning to put up boundaries is something we as foster parents MUST do, for everybodies sake. The kids feel the stress when were stressed, and that's not good for anybody. Hang in there and stand firm on your boundaries. :o)
Advertisements