birthmother pregnant again - adopting another?

Hi, we are in the process of adopting a 2-yr-old girl. And we found out the bmom had another baby earlier this year. We weren't offered this girl. She was evidently placed with another program. But when I heard this, of course my mind went to wondering if we could adopt another. It has never been our plan to have 3, and I doubt I could talk my dh into it. But I feel a connection to this little girl. I did some digging and found out who she was placed with and that she has been matched with another family. So that took away us needing to make any decision. We would love to have contact with that family, but I'm not sure our info. will be passed onto them. And when I've told people I certainly have heard lots of negative comments about the bmom having another child. But I do not judge. She lives an entirely different life than what we know. It's more worrisome with her because she is HIV+.

I had to chime in here. First of all Guatemala is predominantly Catholic so birth control is not an option in the Catholic Chuch. I was raised Catholic...trust me, it's not an option. Secondly, even if it were an option it's just not readily available because of the extreme poverty these people live in. Of course, they know how they keep getting pregnant, they just have no means of preventing it. It is very sad and unfortunate. But regarding your main question...I say go for it. We have two bio daughters and are adopting a little boy. I've already wondered if another sibling (esp. a boy) became available that it would be nice to adopt him as well. But I better concentrate on getting through this one first. Who has the money for a second adoption anyway??

I would go for it too - if you and your husband agree on it.

I absolutely would love the opportunity to adopt a birthsibling...whether it was a boy or girl wouldn't matter to me, the important thing is that it is family! Many adult adoptees say that they always feel that something is missing in their lives and they do not have the family connections that so many of us take for granted. At this point in my life I know that a sibling is the only way my husband is going to agree to adopt again! What a blessing it would be to be able to give my daughter the opportunity to grow up with a biological sibling. I wish you the best of luck with your decision!

Hi all, I absolutely do not mean to start an argument about this, but just wanted to speak to the Catholic faith and our teachings on this. What is not an option is artificial contraception, ie. the pill. Natural family planning is totally acceptable and parents are encouraged to consider such factors as financial and emotional ability to parent more children in deciding whether to use NFP to prevent pregnancy. NFP is not the rhythm method of long ago, but uses different signs such as temperature, to track ovulation. NFP is written about in books such as Taking Charge of Your Fertility to use in conceiving and if taught properly and practiced faithfully can be very effective in postponing or achieving a pregnancy. As a lifelong Catholic, I myself had many misconceptions about the Catholic teaching on this subject, but have studied it quite a bit and wanted to expand on what was said above. I think that the Pill would be prohibitively expensive for the average ** that finds herself in the circumstances of not being able to care for her child. Our ** made less than $100 a month, more like $75 I think, and had to help out her parents. It's easy to see how paying for birth control pills would not be a priority. I noticed that many baby items in Guat were as expensive or more expensive than here in the US. It's so sad to think that a can of formula a week would probably have depleted most of our **'s salary. Not sure where I am headed with this, but I agree with the original poster, most people really probably have no concept of what poverty in Guatemala is and how little money someone may have to live on, even if they are working full time.

I would jump on it and dH would too but you need to see if it is right for your family and can you pull it off $. Praying it will all work out. Hugs, Anna

Maybe do not share as much with friends. In a nice way I also let them know I love my children's ** parents and am thrilled they chose the gift of life for my children and made an adoption plan when they realized they did not want to parent or parent more children or whatever reason. It takes a lot of courgage, time and commitment to make an adoption plan for them. It shows selfless love for the child. IMHO We have several open adoptions with my children's birth parents so I am probably a little defensive. Anna It bugs me when my friends talk bad about the birthmom - rude comments about her being pregnant again. We don't know her life and we can't judge her. Anyone out there with some advice? All I can think about is her birthmom and this baby![/QUOTE]

The real reason they continue to get pregnant is like any other third world country, there is no education on how to control birth. Spain is one of the heavily Catholic countries in the world and has one of the lowest birth rates now because of educating their people on how to control getting pregnant. THat being said, what I wouldn't give to get a call that our little girl's mother was having another baby. We have told our attorney to let us know if the birth mother ever comes to her again.

Reminder From The Moderator: The Letters B and M, when used in combination to abbreviate Birthmom, are filtered by the site to remove an abbreviation that many members find offensive. Please keep this in mind when posting in the future. Acceptable abbreviationsӔ for birthmother are: bmom, birthmom, biomom, nmom, 1stmom and just about any other variation except the two letters B and M.

Feel free to contact me with questions/comments/concerns!

Thanks so much for explaining this! I thought that even writing 'birthmom' was not allowed so I just typed in the asterisks! Now I know I don't have to do that!!

Johnna, No need to respond to the PM I sent you - since you've addressed my question here :) Thank you for clearing that up. The discussion of birthmothers is ALWAYS allowed on the forums, without them, there would be no adoption. All we ask is that you not use the letters B and M when talking about them :)

I agree that we can't judge the lives of these women in third world countries. However, we also have to accept that out of extreme poverty, some women do look to placing their child for adoption as a means of supporting their other children... as unbelievable as that sounds. That is one reason the DNA tests were implemented, to prevent birth mothers from placing more than one child for adoption. I was told this by a national who has been placing Guatemalan children legally for over 20 yrs. Poor, uneducated women are also used by unscruplulous people for their own financial gain. I believe as adoptive parents, we need to do all in our power to be certain we never contribute to this practice, by making sure we are using reputable agencies, by not expecting "quick" adoptions or complaining too loudly when the legal system takes awhile in a third world country. "Quick" may seem great at this end, as we wait for our children to come home to us...but it can and does often mean illegal payments are being encouraged. That being said, I would always be careful to check things out as thoroughly as is possible from this end, before assuming a lot about biological siblings. If things seem on the up and up, then I would certainly check into the possibilities. I know this is not a popular train of thought nor something happy adoptive parents want to think about, but we need to educate ourselves and be certain we are never contributing to any of this. For these reasons, not all adoption reform is to be looked upon as something evil to be reckoned with. People who appear to be all for adoption and helping those of us on this side of it, may not always be representing themselves honestly. Unfortunately, there is money to be had from this process...and it's not birth mothers or foster families who are receiving much of it. Of course, there are countless others who are in it for the sake of finding families for children in need of their own. Our agency told us years ago at our orientation that they are not in it for the sake of finding us a child...but for the sake of finding families for children. A fine line, but one that keeps things in perspective and helps prevent pressures on anyone involved in the process. In talking to others outside the adoption community, we need to be careful with whom and how we discuss such matters. If we look at things from their perspective, we might understand how so many babies coming out of Guatemala looks to others. If anyone has ever read any of my threads and accused me of getting frustrated at those who get frustrated over the wait...it has greatly to do with this aspect of this amazing thing called adoption.