Foster/Adopting 15y/o girl - Need advice

We have a similar story. We have been waiting in Fost-Adopt for a long time now, considering all ages of girls. Last week, we met a 12 yr old aa girl who we really, really liked. She also liked us, so if the disclosure goes well, she'll be ours. We have a 7 yr old bio daughter and a 3 yr old son from Taiwan. I will need to go to a preteen immersion class. I'm sure we'll get it fast enough, though. Adoptee, Bio-Mom, A-Mom, Waiting Mom

My foster sister is this age (14) and it is a great time to know her. She is capable of being independent. She likes to go shopping with her friends, go to the movies, listen to music, play sports at school, go to football games and dances and talk on the phone A LOT. Some of her peers are into drugs, alcohol and sex already, so we are glad she has a good head on her shoulders and chooses to steer clear of this kind of thing. She needs some reassurance, however, that she is loved and accepted. I make sure to tell her often how smart, funny and pretty she is. She tries to act like she does not need this, but it is clear at other times that she does. She likes the freedom of decorating her own room, so you may want to make this teen's room a clean slate and let her decorate it once you are sure she will be there a while. Other than that, ask her what she likes. Teens will open up once they trust you and see that you care.

Thanks for posting, Beatrix. We plan to do the very best we can for her.

Hi Ms. Jackie- Based on the discussions we had with this young lady thus far, she seems to have a good head on her shoulders as well. Thanks for the thoughts - we'll take that advice on her room. At first I wasn't sure because I didn't want it to seem like we didn't care enough to decorate, but I'll just let her know - it is her room and her choice as to how it is decorated... hopefully - she will understand it wasn't a lack of caring, but an act of caring in doing so. We will, however, have some things in there we know she likes. Mystery books, some info we gathered on local colleges with her proposed major (all are close so she can stay with home if she likes --and we hope she will :) ) and journals for her poetry. I think by having these things in her room - she'll know we listened, know we care - while giving her the opportunity to decorate. Thanks again for the useful input Ms. Jackie! S-

I think that sounds wonderful and it should make her feel very welcomed. I can't wait to hear how she settles in!

Congratulations on your new daughter! I think your idea of getting some basic things and then including her in the decorating is a great idea. Simple is better when dealing with kids from care. Too much can overwhelm them. My kids are younger than your daughter, but even at 10, there are some very inappropriate things marketed at kids. Check out some teen magazines for a real shocker. It is depressing how much television, magazines, music, etc., gives teens the message that the really important thing in life is to be sexy and sexual and to buy lots of stuff. Might be good to check this out and see how you react to it, and what limits you want to set for your family. Also, TV is potentially disastrous. My kids were very abused, and they have lots of triggers for their PTSD. TV is just so many images coming at them, many of them violent and sexual, it is just too much for my kids. I find physical activity to be very beneficial. You might want to consider getting a membership at the Y, or maybe family martial arts classes, or square dancing, or some other way for the family to move together. Cooking together is another great activity that I think a teen would enjoy. Let us know how it goes!