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We have a 22 month, and 4 year old bio sons and we just got our first foster placement last week (18 month boy). My husband "came around" to doing this with me, and the classes really got us (me) pumped. But now that we have him, there is one thing I had not anticipated. I was prepared for behavioral issues from the foster child, but he has been a really easy baby, thank God. But my 22 month old has been taking this really hard. At first it was a love-hate kinda relationship, with a little pushing and a little kissing. But now its all aggression. And he's not sleeping well at night...and picked up a cold from the fs. Hubby, is not feeling any bond or affection for the fs and reminding me that he "knew we're not ready for this!" and I am feeling exhausted, and wondering if it was a bad idea, myself. Its only been a week. We both felt overwhelmed the first day, but talked and agreed to finish out this placement, before we call it quits. And wait until our children are older to try again.But this could take 3, 6, 15...months. Will it get better? I feel like I could bond with fs, but hubby is putting up a wall. For example, when we are getting in or out of the car he says, "I'll take I and X inside, and you can get fs." or when they both have poopy diapers he'll say "I'll change (bio son), you change (fs)"Again, its only been a week and I keep thinking would it be better for fs to call it quits now, before he's been here too long, or is it better to wait it out and see if things get better?
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It takes time to get use to being a foster parent, but we all know when a placement is going to work, and when one is just not a match. There is nothing wrong with saying we got in over our heads and getting out. It is better for the fk, if we do it when we know it wont work, not letting it drag on. At 18mths old he is adoptable if his parents don't get it together and get him back, he is better off with a family who is both theilled to hve him. There have been kids in my home, i have just fell in love with, others i have really liked and some that are just good kids, Then there are those i know i can't deal with, there is no shame in that, the shame would be to keep them, and keep them from a home who would be better for them. If you fill like you have takin this on to soon, then maybe you have. Set a time up, and at the end of that time if you still fill that way put in your notice and wait awhile. Things do uselly get better as time goes on, and the longer we have a child the more attached we fill, a week is a short time, talk it over with your dh, maybe say by jan 1st if you still fill like you did this to soon, quit. Good luck, and know, we have all felt at one time or another that we shouldn't be doing this, or that its more then we can do. YOu have to do whats best for your children, and family first. Good luck, and may God bless you.
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Also with your youngest no matter how old he is he will still have a battle with any child younger coming in and "taking mommy" our now 28 month old fs had some of the same issues when K our now 17 month old fs came into our home.My dh had some of the same issues as well with each fs child he had to get adjusted to them even our baby girl whom we brought home from the hospital.He would say "I told you that you were taking on to much" any time I complained Iwas sleepy or tired or could not get the house cleaned like i use to. But now he is fine with every one.( we have a total of 6 children in our home 3 bio 3 foster) but it is working out okay.I agree give it some time every has to adjust and the holidays are stressful enough so do not rush but also do not let it drag out months on end if it is not right.Good Luck