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I adopted my dd 3 months ago, after 6 months as a foster child this year and 6+ months last year, so I thought I knew her pretty well. But she had a secret.
She is always wanting to hear horrifying news stories, which maybe I shouldn't pander to her wishes in that, I don't know if they help her process her own sad past or what, I don't know why she wants to hear them.
Anyway, when I told her (in slightly censored form) about the children whose mother killed them by throwing them in the ocean because she heard voices telling her to feed them to the sharks, my dd said that she sometimes hears voices too.
I wasn't sure how to react so I said I'd read that hearing voices happens to children who had a lot of stress, and then I dropped the subject.
The next time we had a therapy appointment (weeks later) on the way to the therapist's my dd asked me what I was going to tell the therapist (my dd seems to think the therapy appt is an opportunity for parents to tattle on bad things the kid did). I said I was going to tell the therapist about the voices. My dd said oh no, don't, and said it had been a long time since she heard voices. I figured that might be true because she has been in care for a couple years and in therapy even before she was taken by the county. I hoped the old therapist must have dealt with it and 'fixed it'.
So I didn't mention it at the therapist's, which was probably a mistake on my part.
Then a couple days ago my dd came out of her room in a sad mood. I thought it was because she was having to clean her room, but after awhile she opened her hand and showed me a necklace that her dad gave her last year at a visit, and she said when she found it while cleaning her room, she heard her mom say that she really wished she could have gotten off of drugs, and she heard her dad say he would see her no matter what or where she was.
I noticed the way she worded it sounded like she heard voices, but I didn't say anything about that. Just agreed that it was hard to have gone into foster care and lost her parents that way. She said she shouldn't have gone in to foster care and been adopted, because there was nothing wrong at home with her parents. I told her the court didn't think she was safe there.
Then last night when she was going to sleep she said the other day when she got in trouble at school for looking at naughty sites on the internet, she looked because the voices told her to look. I still had no idea what to say, so I just reiterated my 'children under stress sometimes hear voices' item and she responded by saying it wasn't just at that time. I asked her what else the voices said and she told me that they tell her not to say. I told her that the voices are just created by her own brain and not really other people. But she just repeated that they told her not to tell.
She fell asleep and I stayed up totally freaked out. I thought maybe she was schizophrenic. I looked up schizophrenia online, and she didn't match the symptoms, and in fact one site said if the child is concerned about friendships, then a parent could be sure they don't have schizophrenia. So I guess I don't have to worry about that, because I'm always having to put on the brakes to avoid being overscheduled with playdates and overnights.
So I looked up 'children hearing voices' and found info that said 8 of every 100 children hear voices, that children who have been abused are more likely to hear voices and more likely to hear voices that tell them negative things. What I read said that therapy doesn't make any difference on whether the voices go away, that for 6 out of 10 kids, the voices go away within 3 years. And it said that kids whose parents treated hearing voices as normal were more likely to stop hearing the voices.
It also said that the fewer people the child told about the voices to, the more likely they would stop hearing voices.
What I read said that some people cope well with the voices and some people don't. Children that don't cope well can learn non-passive strategies to cope with the voices.
I figure since listening to the voices got my child in trouble at school, she must not be coping well enough.
So finally to my question(s). Does anyone here have a child (or themself) who hears voices? How did you/your kid learn to cope? How does a child learn not to do what the voices tell them?
Should I try asking my dd questions like how many voices?, whose voices? (what I read said the abuser's voice was a common voice for abused children to hear), how often does she hear voices?, in what situations,? etc.??? Or should I just tell the therapist and leave it all up to her?
I'm still feeling a little bit freaked out by the whole issue.
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Howdy - this must be scary and alarming for you! I do hope you contact the therapist today and discuss with her b/c I think it's something that needs to be figured out by her or with the help of another professional that is experienced with this. It might be something or it might just be her way of getting attention or feeding into stories etc. that's she has heard about, but either way, I think a therapist will be able to best determine.
I have no personal experience with it, just wanted to give ya a hug and hope you find the answers you need!
:grouphug:
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So I looked up 'children hearing voices' and found info that said 8 of every 100 children hear voices, that children who have been abused are more likely to hear voices and more likely to hear voices that tell them negative things.
howdy,
this is very true...my older son heard voices, and still does on occassion. His voices are getting quieter.
the one telling him things were an 'old lady'....i was extrememly alarmed, like you are.
But it was nothing.....just trauma stuff rearing its ugly head again....
as for schizophrenia...check on the onset of that, for some reason i think your daughter is too young for the DX. but i could be wrong.
How did you/your kid learn to cope? How does a child learn not to do what the voices tell them?
Should I try asking my dd questions like how many voices?, whose voices? (what I read said the abuser's voice was a common voice for abused children to hear), how often does she hear voices?, in what situations,? etc.??? Or should I just tell the therapist and leave it all up to her?
i wouldnt ask too many questions, it sounds liike its trauma stuff to me, to be honest. My son usually heard voices at night, or when he was by 'himself' playing for no apparent reason.
usually when he thought he might be 'unsafe' he heard them.
my suggestion is to keep an eye on her, notice when she hears the voices (my son told us when he heard them) im guessing she is not hearing them when she is active with other kids, and playing with other kids........
hmmmm....think of it this way...when you are walking down the street alone and its dark....do you hear things that might not be there?...yea, even though you know as an adult, you are not hearing these things, your sences are so heightened, it sounds real.
kids usually cant process like that, so they hear what they hear and believe in what they hear.
does that make any sence, i could try to explain better if you want.
oh, yes, absoutly tell her therapist, but dont make it an issue for her. she hears them because she hears them, but if it is trauma based, they will get quieter in time, the more comfortable she feels, and this can take years.
I called and told the therapist and she seemed to react way too strongly, talked about the therapy would have to be totally different if my dd is hearing voices, that she'd have to be on medication to stop them, and said they'd only happen if there had been a psychotic break. She also said my dd has never acted like she is hearing voices and she wonders if she is making them up.
I am not sure I want to take my dd to this therapist now, because her reaction is so opposite to the reading I did last night. And also what I read said that hearing voices gets worse when the parents and therapist treat it as a problem.
I think, dadfor2, that you are right that it is trauma based and will get better over the coming years. She is a very nice girl, sweet and kind and pretty well-behaved if one overlooks her controlling behavior and terror of being left alone and consequent clinginess. And all her behaviors have been getting better.
I feel like I've betrayed her by telling the therapist, since the therapist seems to consider it some sort of madness. Luckily the holidays are going to prevent any therapy appts for a few weeks.
her controlling behavior and terror of being left alone and consequent clinginess
yea, she still has trauma reactive moments...very normal for kids with PTSD.
i agree that pushing the voices thing can make it worse.
im not a doctor or know your daughter, i just want to make that really really clear....(but you know that already)..im just sharing my experience that my son had the same 'voices'
on a side note...he did live with his mentally ill grandmother and mentally ill birthmom before being removed...that would explain his horror and voices of the 'old lady'l
kids imaginations run a muck sometimes with being scared of the monstors at night....you know, they all hear things in their closests and underneath their beds, and see things too....
now add on kids who experienced trauma....it makes sence why they would hear and see things, besides at night.
again, my sons voices have almost come to an end....and maybe they will be back...who knows, but for now we are all going under the assumption it is trauma reactive stuff.
as for your therapist...to find a therapist that deals with trauma AND adoption issues is really really hard to find....and it sounds like this therapist is missing the trauma piece.
you did not betray your daughter in the least, your daughter needs help, and you are letting the therapist know whats going on...
the problem is, the more we tell the therapist, the more we also find out what the style of the therapist is and to see if we like them.
ill never forget my first sons therapist..came highly recomended....and we were going and things were going smoothly...as time went on, i would discuss with him some of the behaviors my kids were having.
he told me to lock them in their rooms if they keep coming out during time outs....i said they are trauma kids, he said it didnt matter...they need to understand the limits
i refused....but continued going..then he said if my children kept acting like that in the waiting room he wouldnt be able to see them anymore because they were making the other clients uncomfortable...
HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you are suppose to be the child trauma expert!!!!!!!!! how are my kids suppose to act!!!!!!!!
and that was the end of that!!!!!
so, you just never know....therpaist are a dime a dozen and to find one that you are comfortable with and your child, does take some time.
hang in their....i know it can get scarey with this trauma stuff....and very sad to watch also...that our kids have to go through this.
I have a child who hears voices but it's not what you describe. He talks back to the voices and also tells me that God told him he would get a brown car-or something else weird.
It sounds, from your description, more like traumatic or sad memories. The necklace reminded her of her mother.
Did she hear her mother or did she simply wish that's what her mom had said to her.
The explanation for the pictures at school is what bugs me about this the most. Sounds like a very convenient excuse. Besides, isn't there some question that this occurred and that she was simply a bystander? Those voices seem more like peer pressure.
Is she confusing a voice in her head with her internal conscience? Thoughts about should I or shouldn't eye and so feels that's a voice?
Does your daughter do anything else that would indicate to you that she's psychotic?
Not sure I'd jump to meds and before my child saw that therapist again, I think I'd want to run the possibility by her that your child is confused or made this up based on a news story she heard.
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Hey Howdy -- your child should be seen by a child clinical psychologist -- someone who has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and who specializes in children. A subspecialty in trauma would be helpful as well. (I'd recommend a Ph.D rather than someone with a Psy.D.). It's possible the other therapist reacted so strongly b/c it is unusual for a master's level therapist to have had training and experience working with kids with these symptoms. There are only a very, very few Ph.D.'s who are able to prescribe meds, psychiatrists (M.D.'s) are the ones who typically assess whether someone needs psychotropic meds, and certainly not over the phone!
Best wishes...
how about split personality disorder? Sometimes after severe abuse, this happens. In any case, I agree that it is likely due to your dd's stressful history. And meds aren't going to change that... you may want to bring her to a different therapist. It could be that this therapist isn't qualified for this kind of stuff. Dh's nephew used to hear voices that told him to do bad things. He and I are close so I'll ask him if he can give me some of his experiences about it. He was abandoned as a kid. And when he was 7 ish his dad got involved with his step mom who had her own son, and the voices usually told him to do bad things to him. They also told him to jump off a roof, which was very scary, but luckily he knew to talk about his voices and not jump. I'll see if they've stopped (I just assumed they did, he hasn't mentioned them in years). I wonder if he even remembers? He must though.
I received comment that hearing voices is psychotic no matter if it's a bipolar disorder. I just want to explain that what I meant is that in case that a child hears voices due to the "mood disorder" like bipolar then this doesn't fall into category of schizophrenia (which people seem to be more afraid of even though both mentioned can be the most serious).I have to agree that it is a psychotic sign as in the sense of "fundamental mental derangement characterized by defective or lost contact with reality". And after all mood disorders are psychotic too, just a different category.
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I appreciate all the replies. I still haven't decided what to do about the next therapy appointment, whether to cancel it (for fear the therapist will make things worse since she seems to think hearing voices is seriously psychotic), or whether to tell my daughter that if she doesn't like this therapist we can look for a different one, or what.
I paid $35 to get an online psychiatrist (MD) consult (I love the internet). The info from him was about the same as on here, that there can be lots of reasons children hear voices and that if it was abuse-related then meds weren't needed, just therapy to address the abuse. His response said that the child should be evaluated by a GOOD child psychiatrist. But how in the world do I find one??? Also the response said that the child needed to develop trust over time with a therapist before she might be ready to discuss the voices. So that makes me more worried about the current therapist, because I don't think my daughter has any real relationship or trust with her.
howdy,
you might want to call DSS or some kind of child services that can help you find a good therapist.
do you belong to any 'support groups'? i have found that parents in my area have already done most of the foot work already and they are great rescources.
if none of these ideas work for you. do you have a 'childrens hospital' near you? sometimes they have some good therapists there, but you do NOT want an intern!!!!!!!!!!!
sometimes they say thats all they have, but due to your daughters issues, she needs a therapist that will stick around due to attachment issues... :rolleyes:
how ever you want to word it, your daughter should not have an intern.
like i said earlier in my posts, alot of these 'voices' do get quieter with time with her feeling more safe.
even though we do everything that we are suppose to, to make them feel safe, 'time' sometimes is the only thing that truly is the 'cure'.
hang in there.....hope this passes soon.
oh, i dont think there really cant be much damage done if the therapist 'explores' the voices, but also, not to make it seem like a big issue.
again, this is just my opinion.
Hi, if your therapist can't recommend a good child psychiatrist, then check with the children's hospital near you, they should have referral for you.the main problem I have seen is that it takes so long to get into see one.I have 4 yr old acting out so i am going thru process of trying to get in to see one - his issue is cruelty to animals and I don't know what's going on.
Bobcat,
My SW told me that the most common cases of children doing harm to animals is most often because they have been allowed to be harmed by animals themselves.
It can also stem from pent up anger, too, well, all sorts of things, but my SW said probably 6 to 7 of every 10 animal abusers that she's come across were allowed to be harmed by bio-family pets.
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