Should I dump our pedi?

December 7, 2005

[font=Georgia]I have a dilemma that has been bugging me all day long and I'm torn as to how I should proceed. Forgive the vague wording, I'm trying to maintain some level of confidentiality.

You, as a foster parent, have a 13-year-old foster child placed with you as a result of confirmed (not alleged) physical abuse, the evidence of which is clearly visible on said child. The child stays with you for 7 months, in those 7 months this child finishes summer school, wins a sports title with a Pop Warner team, attends school daily, and pulls a solid B/C average (no small feat for a child that has not attended a full year of school since the 6th grade). Bio mom follows through with all of social service's requirements, and the child goes home. You still keep in contact with said child because you've developed a bond. The child has run away a few times and called you to pick her up in the middle of the night, you know things are rocky with this parent-child relationship in general, plus mom has tried to voluntarily commit the child back to state custody and the state said no (they don't even have enough beds for their non-voluntary caseload).

Fast forward to today, just shy of two years later - child has moved four times, missed half of last school year, and half of the current school year, causing the school to file a Child In Need of Services truancy petition with the state. Custody is granted to the state until the child turns 16 and/or establishes a regular pattern of attending school; to that end the child is ordered into out-of-home placement by the judge. This child comes back to our home specifically at the court's recommendation based on our history and previous success with this child. Bio mom did not even tell the child she was being moved, despite having plenty of advance notice (and assuring SW and I that she would prepare teh child for the transition). Medically, the child has issues with depression (original medicated w/Risperdal for a misdiagnosed bipolar disorder) and left us doing very well on Wellbutrin.

Now that the reality of being back in foster care in the boonies and not being able to run around in the city with friends all day and night long has set in, said child has been having crying fits at the pediatrician's office, asserting the child's desire to return home and child's promises to attend school, take all prescribed meds, etc - if only child can go home. The pedi from our family care practice is hearing only the side of the story from the biological mother (who has transported her to her last two appointments) and the child, and is buying into this drama and is seeking to intervene with DSS to get the child returned home prematurely.

He doesn't even KNOW the backstory and why this is such a bad idea for this child, he just sees that the child is depressed and he is worried about the child's mental state. Understandably so. But is it overstepping his bounds to not speak with the foster parent and social worker first, get some backstory on the family, and THEN determine whether or not the child belongs at home? Because right now, this child really doesn't - and child's mom is telling us and the state that she doesn't want the child home with her - but is telling the child something completely different. After two phone calls from the pedi today, I feel like he's tramping over us to intervene with social services on "their" behalf and thinking that we aren't doing everything *we* should to help this child.

Part of me wants to meet with him and the senior physician on staff and explain to them the biological mother's history of manipulating collaterals to her own ends - putting on a good show in front of her child - so they understand what they are dealing with and have all of the information. Part of me is pissed that they don't just know better and know *us* well enough to not believe the things they are hearing. Part of me wants to term us all and find new practices to start fresh with all around, having learned a very important lesson about not taking your foster children to the same practice that your family uses! Another option would be to stay where we're at but send a termination letter for the foster child, transferring child out of our family practice to a new pediatrician and not getting involved with them any further on this issue.

Thanks for reading this far, this entire situation has just gotten weird for us, and I'm trying to determine what the most sensible option is.[/font]