Happy Channukah Everyone!

Happy Channukah Rena! I converted to Judaism as a single woman, which I've heard is fairly unusual. The nearest active synagogue is an hour from my home. My family is (obviously) not Jewish. Anyway, it looks like we'll be celebrating Channukah on our own, and when we visit Nana and Papa, there will be a Christmas tree. It's not perfect, it's not the way I'd choose to do things, but it's the best I can do at this point in time. I wish I lived in a larger city! This will be the first year that Xiomara will be able to participate in the candle lighting (and listen to my non-expert rendition of the prayers!).

....and a Happy Hanukkah to both of you. I am half of an interfaith marriage. We are raising our children knowing each of our religions, though they are both Jewish technically . With Christmas and Hanukkah falling together this year, everyone seems to have forgotten Hanukkah. I am bothered by the fact that besides my parents, no one even acknowledged it . Not one card, not one mention - not from inlaws, friends, birthfamily. Bah Humbug

This was the first year that our 6 year old son asked how Santa knows NOT to come to his house. I had to think fast! My answer: he sees our mezzuzah and knows he can go to the next house. Seemed to have worked! We went to my office holiday party where Santa showed up. DS said he knew that wasn't the real Santa because he was too skinny! Have a great Chanukah!

I guess I've got an unusual situation, but my daughter has never asked for a Christmas tree, a visit with Santa, etc. Becca, age 10, and I have many close Christian friends. I have taught her about their customs and traditions. She probably knows as much about the story of Jesus as some Christian kids. Last year, when she was nine, I took her to see the Episcopal cathedral in Washington, DC. She has helped me shop for a first Communion gift for one of the Catholic girls from our China travel group. We go to see people's Christmas trees, help them color Easter eggs, and so on. I believe that all of this serves to "demystify" and "deglamorize" Christianity for Becca. Many times, kids want to do things because they seem different from and more attractive than, what's done in their homes. But if you teach a child, in a respectful way, about Christian traditions, she will see that there is nothing that makes that religion more interesting than her own. I have also worked hard to make Judaism both enjoyable and not "out of the mainstream" for my daughter. Much of what turns some Jewish children to the desire for other religions' customs is not being involved with other actively Jewish families, and seeing only the burdensome parts of Jewish life. Becca attended a Jewish preschool, and now is in fifth grade at the Jewish day school she has attended since kindergarten. So many of her friends are Jewish, mostly Reform and Conservative. Their parents tend to be fairly active Jewishly. As a result, she doesn't see it as "uncool" to be Jewish. Both at school and at home, we enjoy the holidays and such. In her school, which is basically Conservative, with immersion Hebrew, there is compulsory "tefila" (worship) every day, which is not "fun." There is also a ton of homework, in two languages. But there are also holiday craft projects and parties, as well as lessons that make the Torah and other writings "user-friendly" for the children. There is Israeli dance and Jewish music. The children read about Shiri ha-Lama (Shiri, the llama) when first learning modern Hebrew, and even go to a llama farm. The children come to see the main characters in Jewish history as real people, with real problems. Becca makes a distinction, in her mind, between Halloween and Christmas. Although her school discourages Halloween observance, because of its pagan and Christian roots, virtually all of the kids go trick or treating. I allow her to go, because there is really no pagan or Christian content today, and Becca understands this. On the other hand, Becca knows that Christmas, despite the commercialization, is a very serious Christian holiday, which celebrates the birth of Jesus. Becca knows that we don't accept Jesus as our savior. She has a hard time with concepts like the Trinity, the star over the manger, and all of that. So she is perfectly willing not to do things that affirm Christian belief. I think that if you want to raise kids without Santa Claus and Christmas trees, in our society, you really have to work at it. As I've said above, the most important things to do are: a) Raising your child in a community of Jews. This doesn't mean isolating yourself from non-Jews. But it does mean ensuring that she sees lots of other Jewish families, so she doesn't feel different and "unhip". Going to Sunday school, using a Jewish preschool, and going to Jewish day school can be very helpful in providing your child with positive Jewish role models. b) Incorporating a lot of Jewish traditions into your own life. There is much more to being Jewish than lighting Chanukah candles. Has your child ever participated in the Hakafot at Simchat Torah services, and seen her parent(s) dancing with the Torah? Has your child ever hammered the first stake for building a sukkah, or eaten in the sukkah? Has your child ever gone to, or given, a Purim party, complete with costumes? Does your child know how to welcome in Shabbat with candles, wine, and challah, and do you ever sing zmirot at the Shabbat table? Has your child received her very own siddur at a special service? Has she acted out a story from the Torah or talked about how Moshe was adopted, when his biological Mom placed him into the river to try to save him from being killed by Pharaoh, and Pharaoh's daughter found him? c) Raising your child to understand and respect the religions of others, so that she will not grow up to think that "the grass is greener in other fields." All religions have traditions -- AND restrictions. Sharon

Happy Chanukah everyone! DD was very excited for Chanukah this year, though she was disappointed that we didn't have a crowd of company like in her stories (jeeze, kid, give me a break, we have family for Rosh Hashana and Pesach!). We observed Dec. 25 in a traditional Jewish way -- bagels and lox for breakfast, Chinese food for lunch, and because it was the first night of Chanukah we had latkes for dinner. DD is 4 and when she is asked out in the world if Santa is coming to her house, she replies "No." She knows that lots of people celebrate Christmas, but that we don't because we're Jewish. DH isn't Jewish, nor is my stepfather or my mother's family (mom converted when she married my dad), so in actuality DD has many more nonJewish relatives than Jewish ones. Still, DH is even more radical than I am about keeping Christmas from creeping into our Decembers. I think he gets more irritated than I do at the assumption that Christmas is universally observed. It's by his choice that we try to avoid visiting his Catholic parents on Christmas so as not to observe the holiday. This year, we're going to two Chanukah parties--one at a friends house and one at our Temple (Elizabeth, I can't believe that you live further from a synagogue than I do!). We live in a very rural area, with a small Jewish population. But I think we've done pretty well giving DD a Jewish identity already. We light the candles every Friday night. DD goes to monthly Hebrew preschool (eventually it will be weekly), we observe many of the major holidays (haven't built our own Sukkah yet--it's pretty cold here to be eating/sleeping outside in the fall!) either at home or at temple. December is hard when you don't have a strong Jewish community, especially the years that Chanukah is over early.