What are the red flags re: RAD in kids?

Here is article I found for a friend this morning ... RAD is a psychological and neurological (although the psychological diagnosis "bible" only calls it psychological) disorder that occurs during the first three years of life when a child does not attach and bond properly to their primary caregiver. Fundamental processes do not occur during a child's first three years resulting in on-going rage, fear of attaching to anyone, lack of trust, an unusual effort to control everything in their lives, a lack of self worth, and an inability to fully comprehend cause and effect. Living with a RAD child is EXTREMELY challenging! The most blatant characteristics that some RAD children have include lying, stealing, physical rages (violence toward parents, usually mom, and belongings), cruelty toward pets and siblings, and an interest in blood and gore and are more typical with boys. Some of the more insidious characteristics, more typical with girls, include manipulation (often very subtle), triangulation of adults, and an effort to control everyone and everything in their universe. To further complicate living with a RAD child, these behaviors are often not seen by anyone but the parents. The result is that family members, friends, teachers, neighbors, therapists, and others see a charming, compliant child. As a parent, you're perceived as incompetent, overly strict, or not loving enough. Attachment and Bonding: Words from the Experts compiled by Susan M. Ward When we adopt children, no matter what their age, they arrive with a previous life of experiences. That "life" may be in-utero, if we adopt a newborn, or years long, if we adopt an older child. One of the most important factors in how our children develop, depends on the bonding and attachment they had with their birth mother and family, and the new bonding and attachment that occurs between us and our child. The more we as adoptive parents know about attachment, the better we can parent our children. Your child may be very securely attached, or she may have some attachment issues, or may be diagnosed with RAD (reactive attachment disorder). Below are excerpts from the experts. Use this information as a starting point, then do your own additional reading and information-gathering to help you create a strong attachment with your child. Basic attachment "The primary caregiver--and therefore the mother in most cases--is, of course, especially important. Something fundamental seems to get established in the infant's relationship with her during the first year or two that often considerable outweighs the contribution of any secondary attachment figure. But the formative power of the second parent--whether he is harsh or accepting, tyrannical or easygoing, highly involved or abdicating, living at home or long gone--is critical, too." Becoming Attached: Unfolding the Mystery of the Infant-Mother Bond and Its Impact on Later Life, by Robert Karen, Warner Books, 1994 "When parents are consistent in their patterns of care and pay attention to the particular signals of their baby, they provide a favorable environment for the child to experience the parents (and the world) as reliable and responsive to its individual needs." "By repeated assurance that emotional and physical needs will be met, the baby begins to develop a sense of basic trust." Bonding: Building the Foundations of Secure Attachment and Independence, by Marshall H. Klaus, M.D.; John H. Kennell, M.D.; Phyllis H. Klaus, C.S.W., M.F.C.C., Identifying attachment issues "General Symptom Patterns of Poorly Attached Children (Partial list) ~ Excessive need to control ~ Oppositional-defiant behaviors ~ Intense negative affectrage, terror, despair ~ Hurting others and selfŅemotional, physical ~ Poor response to disciplinefrustration, responsibility ~ Lies, excuses, blaming ~ Good/bad splitting ~ Sense of entitlement; demanding ~ Victimhood identity ~ Destructive, stealing, hoarding ~ Manipulative affect and behavior ~ Dissociation and/or hypervigilance ~ Lack of eye contact ~ Lack of guilt/remorse ~ Lack of cause/effect thinking ~ Lack of appropriate physical boundaries" Building the Bonds of Attachment: Awakening the Love in Deeply Troubled Children, by Daniel A. Hughes, Ph.D. Attachment issues, treatment and parenting "Although all parenting is a challenging (and rewarding) task, parenting the child with attachment disorder is especially arduous. These children are commonly mistrustful, angry, irresponsible, defensive, dishonest, destructive, and do not give or accept affection and love. Parenting requires the firmness to set limits, the maturity to remain calm and centered, and the flexibility to meet the child's unique needs." Parents have often been blamed by mental health and social service professionals who lack an understanding of attachment disorder. Helping professionals may assume that the child's acting out is entirely a result of ineffective parenting, without identifying the child's prior attachment difficulties. Symptoms of posttraumatic stress disorder are routinely observed in the parents, the siblings, as well as the child with attachment disorder." Attachment, Trauma, and Healing: Understanding and Treating Attachment Disorder in Children and Families, by Terry M. Levy and Michael Orlans. "One of the worst forms of therapy for Attachment Disorder, ADHD or Tourette Syndrome children is time. Waiting for them to outgrow the behaviors DOES NOT WORK. These conditions, left uncontrolled, can destroy a child or turn them into a killer, a rapist, a child abuser or a suicide statistic. Each passing year wears the parents down more and the child becomes sicker, more destructive, and BIGGER! DO NOT WAIT! Get effective help now, and start using these parenting tools right away!" "POWERFUL PARENTING TECHNIQUES--THE DYNAMIC DOZEN 1. Take care of yourself first 2. Establish respect 3. Create and maintain a heart to heart connection 4. Teach self control 5. Set Limits - Help your child accept limits 6. Supercharge your expectations of responsibility 7. Expect restitution for damages 8. Remove barriers between you and your child 9. Avoid the wrong battles and win the war against rage 10. Teach your child to think for him/herself 11. Guide the processing of feelings 12. Build self esteem" When Love Is Not Enough: A Guide to Parenting Children with RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder), by Nancy L. Thomas

If you have a younger child at home, I would not adopt out of birth order. There is too much chance of the older child acting out on the younger one.

Its almost impossible to see RAD on a visit. The most telling ways are to look at their past and look for neglect, abuse, multiple homes, no single caregiver in the first few years. These childen are so good at hiding their RAD that the typical signs will not necessarily be seen right away. At first there will be a honeymoon and the child will be on their best behavior. The RAD behaviors will not really come out until the child is in the forevr home because that scares them. So, you really have to guess based on their past. I know what thread you are talking about and we saw RAD in this child because of his past. We looked at why he was where he was, and why he acted the way he did.