It's All New To Me - HELP

Wendy, The pain of infertility is very real and the hurt goes deep. Many of us understand how that feels. You have my sympathy. I would imagine the Canadian foster care system is quite different from the American foster care system, based on the posts I've read from Canadian foster parents. But, here in the U.S., if your heart is in adopting an infant, foster care is a hard route to go. Infants are almost always legal risk, meaning that the biological parents could regain custody of the baby. As a foster parent in a reunification case, you would be working on reuniting the baby with their birth parents. Hard, hard thing to do, even under the best of circumstances. Also, infants are very much in demand, at least here. Now, there are foster parents who won't take infants, of course, there are those who prefer older kids or teens. But there seem to be more people wanting babies than there are babies. Also, if you go the foster care route, the child you will be adopting is going to be special needs. Some are medically complex, most aren't, but nearly all are drug or alchohol exposed. They have all been abused or neglected, or they wouldn't be in the system. They are at high risk for developing attachment disorder, even the infants. If your dream is for a healthy infant, foster care is probably not for you. You should also be aware that while it may appear that if you're willing to foster, you'll get a kid in two second, that is far from the case. It is a maddening bureaucracy and can take months and months to get a placement, and in some cases, it can take years, especially if you're wanting an infant. Then there's the frustration of the system. Waiting on medical cards, trying to get meaningful assessments for the kids, having to cooperate with parent visits, sibling visits, and the aftermath of those. Getting services means going to battle armed to the teeth. The general public either thinks you are a saint or a heartless mercenary out for the foster care check. Friends and family that you assume will support you, will sometimes disappoint you. It is hard, hard, hard. I cannot imagine doing this if you didn't feel a pronounced calling to foster. Not just to have kids, mind you, but to care for and love kids from foster care. We are working on adopting our kids, who are foster children. I love them with all that I am. I was definitely called to be their mother. They are making progress, and seeing that happen is amazing. I know, without a doubt, that I am making a difference with my life. But it is so hard, harder than you can imagine. There are benefits to this life, not the least of which is the wonderful foster parent friends you make. Just make sure that this is really what you want to do. If what you want is a baby, I would suggest traditional domestic adoption or international adoption. Those routes are hard also, but in different ways. Listen to your heart. It will tell you what to do. If you are a praying person, pray. Take care!

Hi Wendy, I've adopted internationally and we're planning to do so again. The cost is between 25,000 and 30,000 dollars however you get a little over 10,000 back on your taxes for each child. If you adopt 2.... Which is what we did in 2004, for a Russian adoption we paid around 32,000.... that was travel and all. AND we recieve 20,000 back from income taxes. So if you look at it that way, it's can be affordable. Good Luck to you. PM me if you have any questions. Al

My wife and I are in the same boat. I felt cheated out of life b/c I would never have my "own" child. Never cut the cord, never be in delivery room, never experiance the joy of fatherhood etc... Took MAPP adoption classes. (no calls)State said, "Foster until a baby comes availiable" :eek: Very cautiously we did. We have never looked back. I just realized, six years later, now writing this post, We have never even got back to the adoption list we were on in Florida when we first started. You also can have parenthood as a foster parent. In six years I have "Fathered" 18 toddler boys (3-6) and had one baby for almost two years. If God himself were to tell me he would give me my "own" child concieved by my wife & I, I would not trade that for the joy of fostering these kids. I am trying to say while you are waiting for the other avenues, try fostering. You will recieve that parenting instinct you so desire. Just remember, they go back! Then you experiance the pain of parenting. We also got to adopt a wonderful boy!:clap: