Adoption started

Good luck with that Jess. I hope your ex doesn't have a big ego like mine. We gave mine plenty of incentive to want to consent -- multiple visitations, open communication, and even taking my DD to see him (4 hours flight), but bottomline - he is not interested in having a relationship with my daughter, just wants to keep his parental rights just in case one day, he is ready to be a parent. With a free attorney, he is just laughing at our attempts. My agreement and stipulations were just like yours. I'm not sure if your attorney has changed his views on how winnable your case is, but we've been told by all 3 attorneys - ours, DDs and BFs - that we will win, but our judge has continuously favored the BF because despite obvious abandonment, he has flown in for every hearing and has always been professional and prepared. I really wished I would have filed the petition in another state because I noticed that California is more strict and complicated. And particularly in L.A. county, the scheduling is just horrible! I mean -- I filed in 5/2005 and won't be going to trial until 12/2006. Just ridiculous... Let's hope that your ex's attorney isn't telling him he has a chance of winning.

Crabcakes, Can you PM me the info on your attorney. Do you know if they do appeals? He definitely has a big ego but we are really not sure what is going to happen on Monday. His Attorney knows that it's unlikely that he will win which is why he asked our attorney if we would offer to do mediation again. Both his and our attorneys are off today and when we met with ours last night he said that he never got in touch with his (phone tag). So we are unsure if the BF has even talked to his attorney yet since getting the investigators report. I am hopeful that he will not show on Monday but his attorney want to ask for a continuation so he can get the police reports. Our attorney seems a lot more upbeat about things since the investigators report. He actually does not even want to go to mediation. He just wants to terminate his rights. He cant stand the BF...lol. I will let everyone know what happens on Monday. I think I am going to avoid the board for the weekend and try to think of other things. DD when camping with my parents so DH and I have the weekend to our selves. I will be back Monday afternoon. Have a good weekend!

Well we are back. The BF agreed to mediation so now we have to wait for that to be scheduled. Our next court date isn't scheduled until October 30th. I hope to have mediation over and done with soon so I can eliminate some of this stress. I get so worked up about going to court that when I get home I just want to go to sleep. The stress literally exhausts me. I hope but don't count on the BF agreeing to our terms of open adoption. If he does then that will mean we know what the out come in court in Oct. will be. If he doesn't than we will have to go through the stress of waiting and hoping we prevail. And then he may try to appeal. I briefly talked to his Mom while there and she says he just loves her so much. If he loves my DD so much than why doesn't he see that he cannot provide a stable secure home for her? Why doesn't he see that he has been unable to do anything for her thus far and that she is being well taken care of now. I wish he would just back off and let her be. He has never been in her life and has never done a thing for her. Anyway, that's the update. Hope everyone else is doing okay.

Your right. If they loved them they would consent to the adoption. I know I told my bf that if he signed the consent we would still arrange visitation with him. He said no because the adoption would happen over his dead body. Well he didnt die and it all went through. If they really did love them they would be able to let them go. By the way that form that gets filled out. the contact after adoption order. They do not hold up in court if fought. That is what I was told. I was told that you can agree on that but he really can not get you in too much trouble if you do not abide by it.

Hi,I'm new to the forum, but reading this and other threads has made our situation seem like we're not alone. Jsimon, we're currently pursuing a step-parent adoption in CA (Contra Costa county) and it goes to trial this Thursday. Our attorneys specialize in adoption and step-parent adoptions throughout the state, and we've tried to broker a post-adoption contract agreemnt with the bf, to no avail. They are legal, endorsed by the courts, and if anyone needs the legal cite, I'll get it from our attorney. It gives the bf legal rights to see his ds/dd with a court's endorsement that it will be upheld. I wish you all the luck at mediation...settlement was a NO-option in our case b/c of the EGO involved with the bf. Our DS is "property" to him, so best interest is out the window. I wish you all luck and positive outcomes for the parents and especially the children involved. It's exhausting (jsimon, can relate on the prego thing - I'm 34 weeks) and draining for everyone.Take care!

Sorry to hear that you have to continue waiting and hoping and going back to court again and again! Its so retarded what you have to go through to protect the well being of your childrens lives these days! I hope everything turns out for the best for you and your family! I know Im glad our adoption went through and is all over with besides the names being changed yet, but in a way im not! I mean the good it has done outweighs the bad things about it all but almost not really if it were to go any further than it has already! My oldest brother and the BF have been making threats to kill my husband and I and calling us cursing at us and prank calling ect ect! It gets worse everyday and by the way the BF looked in court we kinda worry about the safety of our family now more so than ever because we dont know what he could be doped up on and what hes lible to do! I just wish they could see what I see and feel what my family and I feel! They havent even cared about any of it up until now after its all finalized! Now they wanna throw a fit about it! I dont get people! Anyways my mother showed up after our 4 yr olds bday party sunday and said that the BF told my oldest brother that he is going to try and appeal the adoption! Any one know if he can even do that? I mean I know in most states they usually terminate the parental rights in one hearing then set the adoption finalization hearing for 30 days later so the BF has the right to appeal if he wanted to but in our case they done it all in one day and the adoption even got finalized. I thought you couldnt undo an adoption after that? If any one knows please let me know! I called to ask my lawyer today about it but she hasnt called me back yet! Anyhow! We went to the OB DR this morning and learned of some exciting news! 4 MORE WEEKS at the most! The first due date they gave me was Sept 16th and then after my ultrasound they told me it was going to be changed to Oct 5th! Now the DR checked me today and he says its looking more like the 1st due date is right! So hes got me going once a week now, and he says it could be anytime between now and 4 weeks but he was pretty sure it wouldnt go past 4 more weeks! YAY! Almost over LOL! We are so excited to see what he looks like! Well I hope everyone is doing good, I'll keep ya posted on the baby news!:clap:

AJBsMom, I plan on holding up to our end of the bargain should one be maid but I do not count on him doing it. I hope we can come to some sort of agreement. He seemed reluctant to agree to mediation so I think he feels like he is doing us a favor but I feel we are agreeing to do it for our DD not for him or us. We would probably win anyway so we didnt need to offer mediation to him again! Anyway, thanks for the advice. I will be around and for sure let everyone know what the outcome of mediation is.

brncoswthrt,We are in Contra Costa County too! Congrats on the baby. Do you know what you are having?I am sure everyone would agree that we would love to here your story. How has your case gotten this far? How long has it taken? It helps a lot to know the background and everyone can learn from it too. Post on your own thread so you have your own place to keep us updated. Good luck at court on Thursday! I would love to hear what happens and I am sure everyone could learn for your experience.

Jacqueline, I am so sorry to hear about your brother and the BF. Have you reported it to the police? I cannot believe that your own family would turn on you like that. You must be feeling so nervous. As if the adoption stress wasn't enough. But, good news on the baby and it sounds like he is nice and healthy! Be sure to let us know how that goes! I am so worried about how stressed I have been and the baby. I know it is not good for him but sometimes I don't know how to calm down and lower my heart rate. That is why I hope to work something out in mediation. Then court on Oct. 30th will be a breeze. Otherwise I will have to go through the stress all over again and it seems to get worse every time we go. I think I am going to have to talk to my Doc next time I go in for a checkup to hopefully get some tips on how to calm down. This is so not good. Keep us posted on the little one and I will keep you all updated as well.

:cheer: Everything went well and as planned. The BF signed the consent to adoption and we all signed the post adoption agreement. The BF will be entitled to visitation and contact that suits my DD's best interest and it will be supervised by us. This is provided he stays out of trouble from here on out. Plus for now he is still on parole and his parole does not permit him to see or contact her so we dont have to deal with that for a while. Now we can move on with the adoption process. Court was in and out. The judge was glad we came to an agreement. I am just glad the fight is over. Hopefully we can have this wrapped up by years end! :clap:

Congratulations

Hello everyone! I've been dropping in from time to time, and was wondering, if you have a BF that is unable to locate, I've been told that you can serve notice about the adoption filing by publication and wait for a response. Also, my attorney mentioned using an affidavit of due dilligence filled out by a PI in the last know state of the BF's residence. Does anyone know about or had much luck with either method? Wanting to know if we should be feeling optimistic about this...... Thanks for the input! oh, and to jsimon, congrats!!!! I've been watching your story unfold, and I'm so happy for you!!!

I wish I had some advice for you. Unfortunately I knew where my DD's BF was because he is a registered sex offender. All I had to do was look him up on the web site and there is his address. Good luck with your case though.

I just wanted to update everyone.

I just received word today that the BF is back in prison. I don't know why yet but this is both good and bad news to me. I am so disappointed that he did not care enough about my DD to stay out of trouble so he could be a part of her life. I am also somewhat relieved because this means that he has now lost any visitation he could have had for the future so we no longer have to deal with him. I guess when my DD asks questions we will tell her what is appropriate and if she chooses to see him when she is old enough then that will be her choice. I cant help but feel giddy and disappointed. How could he be so stupid? How is my DD going to feel when she realizes we tried to keep him involved as long as he was going to be a good influence and he didn't hold up to his end of the bargain?

Well, I just wanted to let you all know what's new. We are still going through the slow adoption process. I just hope we can wrap it up before the baby is born in February.

I am new as a member here but have lurked a bit. I just wanted to tell you that you just described my exact problem. My daughters BF was in prison most of her life, no support so on and so forth. We went to court on Dec. 6th and WE WON!!!!! Same circumstances. The judge ruled in our favor very quickly!!!! We didn't even hire an attorney. I am confident that you will get the same outcome! I hope this helps put your mind at ease a bit! :hugz: