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I have debated posting this because I dont want to be attacked and really, to be honest, its quite embarrassing!!! :eek: But I figure I can't be the only one this has happened to. :confused:
I have fostered two infant babies full time before, 6+ years ago and never had this issue. This baby I am RESPITE for her grandma and have her a day here and there (maybe 25% of the time). I adore her, love her to bits BUT I LOGICALLy know she is not "mine". She is NOT a preadoptive placement, we were NOT looking to either foster or adopt - it just happened, and we are helping out her grandma. I dont feel entitled to parent her, and although all things being equal I know I could certainly "BE" a mother to her, I know (at least logically) I am NOT.
The problem is when she is with me I have a STRONG physical reaction to her. I havent breast fed in 5 years and yet when she is with me I feel perpetually in a state of "let down". If you have breastfed you know what I mean - that painful, achy feeling of NEEDING to feed your baby. I hate it! :rolleyes: It hurts! And obviously I am not breastfeeding her. Within an hour of her going home it stops, and I feel physically "normal" again.
I dont know why this is happening - but I have had some possible thoughts ... she looks EXACTLY how I pictured my "biological daughters" for all those years BEFORE having my blond - blue eyed biological boys. Could it be a unconscious psychological reaction to those "dreams" of parenting a daughter, that I thought I had let go to? Is it because she is happiest being held in "that" position while she sleeps?
Or am I losing my mind and should immediately quit fostering? :eek:
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Natasha Cadenhead likes this.
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What an awesome topic and good for you for posting it. I have a question I would love to post on here, but I'm concerned what ppl will think and the flames thrown. I have to think there are other foster moms who have been through it.. maybe one day I'll ask the question. Ps. I nursed my 3 and yep, I think it's normal. How many times I've held another's baby and think, "man if I could only nurse him/her, they would settle down..."
Add me to the list. I never identified the "twinges" I felt for years as an actual physical response until I went through full let-down sensations with A. Diminished as she got older, but came back full force with C... especially over the last couple months of feeding struggles. I always chalked it up to a completely normal biological response. :)
OK had to join in because this has always cracked me up. When I had my twins, I would pump. I had a Vince Gill CD that I would listen to to try to relax to get my milk to come down (it worked everytime). The scary thing is for years, Vince Gill anywhere, anytime would cause my milk to "let down". Now who needs to be put away?????? :eek: :eek:
Martha
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VINCE GILL ... lol well that's better than swooning I guess :)
And now I KNOW I am in good company if Cobbler does it too :)
Really its such a strong, painful feeling -- glad to know we arent alone.
And to Mel - well, this was an embarrassing one to bring up, I'd encourage you to at least ask, or maybe have one of the moderators or hosts post it on your behalf.
Jen
I feel a whole lot less abnormal now. Not normal. Just less abnormal. I've never carried a pregnancy to term, and never breastfed, but I get this frustrating tingle in my breasts whenever I hold a baby for too long, or I'm rocking one to sleep. I never chalked it up to a biological response, I thought that it was me missing my own babies.
Glad to hear you are in the funny farm with the rest of us "over-responsive moms"!!! I happened to be eating supper tonight with two dear friends who have also cared for newborn baby overnight - -they both said the same thing happened to them. So thanks to you guys, I had the guts to share this with others :)
Jen
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Hi!
I don't normally post on this thread, but that same thing happened to me..basically my periods came back (used to be only drug induced!) and my cycles are more normal..I thought that I was the only one..
It's probably the reason you always hear 'oh so and so got pregnant right after they adopted..maybe it'll happen to you to"
Personally after 5 years of fertility treatments, we aren't using any birth control..so if your cycles come back..I would assume you run the chance of a pregnancy..
Strange happenings...
:)
Michelle
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I had the same thing happen to me. My mother has fostered over 100 babies in my life time and this one baby came to her and I immediately had this happen which was strange to me. It had never happened before except 10 years prior when I had my son and breastfed him. I had fallen in love with this little girl like my own. I just thought maybe this was Gods way of telling me he sent me a child. We had been trying to have a baby after our son for so long and had given up. Never had thought about adopting from foster care. This continued to happen ever time I was around her. So we started the process and made her a part of our family. She is now 5 and perfect in every way. Strangely even looks like me and my mother. It's a bond I will never be able to explain to people and am glad to know I am not alone in this experience. Thankfully I never produced milk. I didn't try breastfeeding her, but I never leaked milk either. After a few weeks that feeling went away but my bond with her did not.
I have debated posting this because I dont want to be attacked and really, to be honest, its quite embarrassing!!! :eek: But I figure I can't be the only one this has happened to. :confused: I have fostered two infant babies full time before, 6+ years ago and never had this issue. This baby I am RESPITE for her grandma and have her a day here and there (maybe 25% of the time). I adore her, love her to bits BUT I LOGICALLy know she is not "mine". She is NOT a preadoptive placement, we were NOT looking to either foster or adopt - it just happened, and we are helping out her grandma. I dont feel entitled to parent her, and although all things being equal I know I could certainly "BE" a mother to her, I know (at least logically) I am NOT.The problem is when she is with me I have a STRONG physical reaction to her. I havent breast fed in 5 years and yet when she is with me I feel perpetually in a state of "let down". If you have breastfed you know what I mean - that painful, achy feeling of NEEDING to feed your baby. I hate it! :rolleyes: It hurts! And obviously I am not breastfeeding her. Within an hour of her going home it stops, and I feel physically "normal" again.I dont know why this is happening - but I have had some possible thoughts ... she looks EXACTLY how I pictured my "biological daughters" for all those years BEFORE having my blond - blue eyed biological boys. Could it be a unconscious psychological reaction to those "dreams" of parenting a daughter, that I thought I had let go to? Is it because she is happiest being held in "that" position while she sleeps? Or am I losing my mind and should immediately quit fostering? :eek: