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We did. We gave her a journal at the time the match was official, also something small for her 2 dds. We bought her roses at the time of Bug's birth. We wanted her to feel like the mother she was even if no one else, including her own family, recognized it. We also bought her family meals that day and DH took her home. A month after Bug's birth, after the revoc period we visited them, took a meal and small gifts. And K's birthday was before finalization... I know we sent her something for that.
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We met our daughters' birthmom a week before they were born...she was in the hospital on bedrest. We took her flowers and gave a stuffed bear to her daughter (then nine months old). The day she signed her paperwork in court (essentially "placement" day), we gave her a heart-shaped pendant with a pearl inside. Finalization was six months later.
My birthdaughter's adoptive parents gave me and her birthfather each an original piece of art that the adoptive mom made. They gave them to us at the hospital the day after she was born. Pretty much everyone was giving everyone presents. My mom and boyfriend gave me a present, My family and his gave the aparents gifts, etc.
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Yes, I presented our daughter's bmom with a 3 heart necklace while she was still in the hospital. I told her that the hearts are a symbol of our bond & love for the same little girl. To be honest with you, the best "gift" I could give Dee are updated pictures of the baby. That's the one consistant thing she has asked for. That's the least I could do. I know it gives her great joy in seeing how strong, happy & healthy our little girl is. :)
Just wanted to clarify that after the adoption was final we sent "E" a beautiful necklace with Castle's birthstone inside of "E's". We send pictures every month and have a website where the family can see pictures anytime. We also get together once a year and talk on the phone all the time. For some reason my last post sounded like we did nothing ;)
Our pbmom has asked for a completely closed adoption after she delivers in May. She does not want to meet until we are all at the hospital next month. (we've only emailed at this point) She's married and also has 6 kids at home. Anyway, I'm struggling with what to give to her. Do I send things for her kids also? Some of them are pre-teens and are struggling with the adoption. Any ideas?
This is so different from our last domestic adoption. We met our bmom several times prior to our daughters birth and gave her several items.... a jewelry box and large photo album with some pics of us together during pregnancy and room for all the pics that we would send to her after the birth.
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I gave my son's birthmom a necklace with his birthstone in it the day we were all leaving the hospital. His birthmom had other children who were small and I don't think they even understood she was pregnant, so I didn't give her anything for them.
As for the birthmom wanting a closed adoption, I think you need to respect that and perhaps just give her some kind of keepsake in the hospital. I don't think giving the other kids anything is necessary.
Laurie
We've given our birthmom & birthfather small gifts all along. Our wait has been longer than most so we've had a couple holidays and I just like to give gifts so it's fun for me. Nothing too expensive, just things that she might have mentioned or I knew she would like. Like OPI nail polish set etc. We've also bought little treats and stuff for their little boy. I'm planning on buying a locket for their little girl and putting a picture of her and the baby in it for her. I also want to do something for the birthfather's mom since she has been so supportive of them and the adoption. We're naming the baby Katherine Rose and I know that the birth grandma loves pink so I'm buying her either a pink rose bush or something with pink roses on it.I'm still not sure what to give the birthfather. Guys are so much harder to shop for!Julia
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Both the agencies we're working with said it was ok. It's not like we bought them a car or anything. LOL Just small things. But having said that I would definitely check with the state or states you're adopting from. I wouldn't want to put the adoption in jeopardy over something like special treats or gifts.
We have also gotten small gifts for our pbm. I made her a cd, got her some lotions, some maternity clothes. I also sent her a copy of When Harry Met Sally-after I found out she never saw it. How could I not-that is a must see for every woman. We've been matched since she was 8 weeks, so holidays and stuff came up. Plus, we are both surprise gift givers by nature, so we have fun sending each other little, fun stuff. She actually sends us gifts as well. She sent us a wall hanging for the nursery, and a little outfit for the baby with bibs that say I love Mommy and Daddy.As long as there not excessive, our lawyer said these things are fine. We got an engraved locket and a picture frame book to give to her at the hospital. She has already told us she has surprise gifts for us as well. I know that she got my husband a onsie that says, hands down-best dad around since father's day is in June. There is a space for the baby's handprints to go on it. So, we are going to do see if the nurses will help us do the baby's handprints when we are at the hospital and surprise my husband. I don't think it is necessary to get something and really depends on your relationship and overall comfort level.