Need ideas for dealing with indiscriminate affection

[url="http://www.a4everfamily.org/index"]http://www.a4everfamily.org/index[/url] [font=Comic Sans MS]Here is a new website I found...mainly for support and for ideas on what worked for them as moms of internationally adopted infants. You will find so many stories and so much advise from people who have walked in your shoes before you. It is a small world of us that understand because this doesn't typically happen in infants and young toddlers. Read the whole website...listen to the theme song...really it will help you to know you are doing what you should be....[url="http://www.a4everfamily.org/index"]:grouphug:[/url][/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]Just keep doing what you are doing and YES, wear her when you have guests. It took Alex 11 months to willing go to his daddy, and 23 months to have a major breakthrough...the past 3 months have been mostly 'ups' but a few downs. So she just may need more time...some of our kids just do. [/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]It may be time to have her evaluated by a qualified attachment therapist not a regular pedi or therapist. Try [url="http://www.radzebra.org/"]www.radzebra.org[/url] as a start and if no one is listed, ask there still maybe nearby. But the qualifed attachment therapists are few and between. [/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]Also, have you looked into PTSD or SI issues? Sometimes these overlap with attachment. [/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]Hang on....keep up the ever so hard work...but so worth it in the end. All the best. And if you ever want to talk...PM me...[/font][font=Comic Sans MS][/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]***ETA*** It maybe in her best interest to severely limit or eliminate all vistors for a while. Anyone who is part of her daily life would be an exception...but perhaps she simply can't fully comprehend people coming and going and your roles yet??? Then slowly reintroduce the visitor concept. Honestly we had almost no one in our home execpt relatives for quite a while...[/font]

I'll echo Karen's comments... keep up the attachment practices. Also - I went to radzebra that Karen suggests and got on their listserv. In two days, I have learned more about attachment issues than I have spending months in other places. PM me if you can't find the link to get on the listserv.

Tighten up attachment parenting when people are visiting. Also, make sure that you and DH are on the same page with what is appropriate. This way you are always sending the same message to her. Good luck! Let us know how things progress! Christina

I know others have written that they inadvertantly offended someone by not allowing the child to give them a hug. They may not understand why you say "No - Don't hug that person!" I know that every one of my co-workers held out arms just full of love...Perhaps before you put her down you could say "Listen, she may try to hug you, but please don't let her - We are trying to teach her about family boundaries." That way, you have enlisted their help...

Personally, I would find it offensive if someone on my family prohibits their baby from hugging me, while I can hear it. And, their explanation may sound fair enough, but offensive nontheless.I wonder if you hug others a lot too, and she sees you doing it and thinks that it's okay to do it since you are doing it? Hopefully with more time, she will understand that strangers are not to be approached, though it may be hard for her, it seems she is very social and trusting.:)

:grr: :grr: :grr: [font=Comic Sans MS]PLEASE read the website I push... [url="http://www.A4everFamily.org"]www.A4everFamily.org [/url] [/font]

Boy that is a great website! Thanks for sharing. We have been home for a little over a month and having a lot of problems with grandparents! You walk such a fine line there. But I forwarded them a bunch of stuff from that website and will definitely be keeping him in the carrier when we are visiting or when they come over.It will cause problems I know, but attachment is so much more important!

Yes, very interesting and illuminating website, specially the part of "when baby gets home."I consider most important the part of staying at home with the baby in the beginning, so the child knows who the parents are. Also the part of having the TALK with family members to ask their cooperation in always re-directing the baby's attention to the parents.My concern was the idea of prohibiting the child from hugging family members, and doing so while the family member can hear it. One has to understand that people may not understand the reasoning behind a mother prohibiting their child from hugging a grandmother or aunt (for example.) unless the situation is explained to them first. It's the nice thing to do, in my opinion.Would be nice to have a psychologist or doctor's reference for all the great content on that website, in case they have a book out on the subject. Thanks.:)

Yes Yes I am in agreement with Karen too!! Keep up the good job and be patient!! Rheagan has had few attatchment issues but has had them. One of them was stranger indiscrimination. I am proud to say that after a year (home at 11months old) home she finally is not willing to go to any stranger and is shy and buries her head into me :clap: She does come around eventually. I am still doing attatchment parenting and wearing her on my hip. SHE WEIGHS 34lbs and is 38inches tall :eek: SO definitely not easy. I am still in amazement of how much progress we have seen in the last 2 months. SO TOTALLY WORTH THE EXTRA PARENTING if you know what I mean. HANG IN THERE AS IT DOES NOT HAPPEN OVER NIGHT!!

I just wanted to add a tip my SW gave me. It is similar to the jumping suggestion on the site. She said to take my DD swimming. First, it makes her hold on! Second, it gets her adreniline (sp?) going, which supposedly helps break down attachment issues. She recommended throwing her in the air and catching her in the pool. She also said it was very similar to how fathers bond with their children. They rough-house, which gets the adreniline (sp again) going, and helps the kids attach. Kay 5 weeks until I am on that plane to get DD #2!