Kinship foster parent

We were almost in your situation a few months ago. I just want to say Good Luck, it really is in the best interest of the child to have a relationship with good members of the biological family.

I'm not in this situation, but have friends who are, and the BIGGEST problem is boundaries. It is pretty gosh-darn rare for a bio parent to EVER show up unannounced at a foster parents' house (they often don't even have an address), but it is much more common if the foster parents are their own parents or siblings, etc. I've heard complaints of unannounced visits, phone calls at inappropriate times, and requests to allow things they aren't supposed to be doing - accompanied with all the guilt and drama of saying "no" to someone that you probably love, even if you know they aren't capable of parenting at this time. This can sometimes divide families a bit too - in the case I'm thinking of, the husband sees no problem with bending the rules for his daughter, but the wife is adamant about following them to the letter - so they disagree sometimes.

Thanks for all the info gals! It has been very helpful. We are just starting the process this week and have been playing phone tag with the CW. I do have to still be come licensed to become a foster parent for kinship here in OR. Not as many rights or help but still is has to be official. Very nervous but excited at the same time and just not sure what to expect. Once I talk to the CW I will know more details of what is expected from me. The little one year old will visit during the days this week to get used to us and hopefully move in next week. It will take me that long to get his room ready. Wasn't expecting more children so I took over our spare room and made it into my office. Need to move all the big furniture out and child proof the room again. My 3 children are looking forward to having him in our house too!thanks againChristy

I know what you mean about the "not as many rights, but I still have to...."! I have a foster son who started out as a high school student of mine - they put us under the "kinship" program even though we are NOT related. I had to go through ALL the same stuff, and come to find out that I only get less than HALF of what his former foster parents were getting in compensation. It makes me scratch my head a bit! I get the basic rate - THEY were getting "skills fees" because he is "code 42" - behaviour/emotional disorder.

Once you are licensed, there should be NO difference in the Title IV-E protections, services and benefits your fc is entitled to whether or not you are related. If a local agency is trying to tell you that you are somehow not entitled, they are, well, not understanding and doing their job properly. Title IV-E is for the kids; any eligible child in foster care with a licensed provider should get just as much help. Check your state's website, there is information there. Where it talks about licensed foster care, it does not say "unless a relative." Where it talks about kinship care, it does not talk about licensed care. Once you are licensed, you are a licensed home that just happens to be related--a reason for placement, but not a reason to discount services. The reason for kinship "discount" is not that you are related and the child is therefore somehow less worthy, it is that the "kinship" designation is for unlicensed placement. Even then, though legal, I think it is illogical to pay unlicensed relatives a smaller subsidy. The subsidy is meant to be reimbursement, not compensation. Please don't flame me, but I would guess that the average relative pulled into a family crisis situation has fewer resources and is less prepared than the average middle-class foster family that chose and planned this course and could therefore use more help, not less. Anyway, I like the idea of requiring relatives to start the licensing process as soon as possible. Again, good luck on this journey.

Like other poster have said definitely get licensed. I have two nephews living with me and i made the mistake of not getting licensed. We knew from the beginning that we would not be reimbursed but were never told about licensing. It took CPS 6 months to place the boys with us, ample time to be licensed. We are now in the process of adopting and have to obtain the license anyways. I am not looking for the money but I am a 23 year old college student who just became a mother of a 21 month and 3 year old. If we were already licensed we would have finished the adoption months ago.

I guess I'm the rare exception here. When CPS in Montana seized my great-niece, I was asked by my niece to fight for custody. It took less than 8 weeks to satisfy the assigned caseworkers in two states as to our fitness and determination, and we visited the baby every other week (2,000 mile round-trip) during the waiting period. The ICPC arrangement qualified us for many benefits in our state (WA) including developmental assessments and treatment as needed. We had a caseworker who visited at least once a month. She also helped us navigate the system and secure benefits like Medicaid, dental and nutritional services, and the TANF grant ($364 a month in our state -- it varies). Although this is Aid to Needy Families, it does not require you to be needy. It considers the child as needy and is based on the child's financial circumstances, not your's. When my niece and her husband were TPR'd by trial, both state's offered to help with our adoption paperwork, but we opted to adopt privately using the attorney we had originally hired to be the child's Guardian ad Litum. Had we used our state's social services, our daughter would have qualified for continuing benefits including a free college education. It was our choice to adopt privately because we hoped to avoid some of the stigma of a CPS adoption. We had our daughter with us for six months under the Kinship Care agreement, which is really little more than a contract to babysit for the agency that retains custody. You must have their permission for everything from childcare arrangements to travel plans. We chose not to apply for a foster parent license because of the extensive training required and the backlog of people waiting for the classes.We were given permanent legal custody by the trial judge on the day the birthparent's TPRs were finalized. Our petition to adopt was submitted to the same judge on the same day. I commend you and your wife for wanting to rescue these little ones. I wish you the same success that we had. (My husband has reminded me that our process wasn't really painless. There were lots of snags and SNAFUs, too many reports to make, and more than a few lines to stand in. I guess it's a bit like labor pains -- when it's over, you forget just how difficult it was! ;) )

Thanks again everyone for the info and advice. I guess I am just frustrated with their system. We want to get moving on this and help this little one year old feel loved and not so alone. We are waiting for the Social Worker to get things moving but since we are in different Cities and this is not a "emergancy case to them" they are in no hurry. They are just mad because the original Foster relative changed her mind about taking him and we volunteered to do it since she is not able to. No one returns our phone calls and we play phone tag all the time. I am praying something will happent this week. This little boy is going between 2 homes becuase they will not move the process along. He stays the night at my cousins who started the process 3 weeks ago but because of finances she cannot do it. We stepped in and said we would! He comes to us during the day because my cousin works full time and cannot afford day care and the State will not help out. Then he goes back to her at night. Poor little boy is so confused on who to attach himself too. We are so ready for him to move in and he has taken to us so well. There are so many things to learn about this process but again very frustrating since the system is not listening to us and not moving it along. It is always "we will call you back!" ARGH!! Thanks everyone and keep giving the advice....I think this will be a journey we will never forget!Christy

You could ask the agency to approve a 30-day family "visit" to your home. If you have passed the criminal checks, there is no barrier to that. If the placement work isn't finished by then, he goes back to the cousin's for a day then has another 30-day "visit" with you. Day care--most fc placements in most states qualify for subsidized day care so that the fp can work. Only in the old days were fp's required to have one adult at home. Your agency does not seem to be treating your family fairly.

Well, things are moving along and since we live 90 minutes away from the county working on this......paperwork is in the mail. Told today that the State does not have any money to help us out but they will give us a check for 100.00 for a clothing alotment since he was taken from his house with nothing. The BP will have weekly visits for the next 60 days and and the CW is not happy about driving up here (the 90 minute drive to our house). I volunteered tomorrow to meet halfway but will not again becuase we figure it will cost us 80.00 a month in gas just to meet her halfway and if they are not willing to help us out money wise for the stuff he needs then we will not make it easy on them! I hate being this way but they just don't do things fairly or make it easy on the FP. I may try the 30-day visit suggestion becuase they are saying it will be another 2 weeks before he can be placed in our home besides us babysitting him during the day. We are waiting for the background check paperwork to come in and then we will mail that off to them quickly to get stuff moving. Do any of you have any other suggestions for other resources to help out with money issues? Someone mentioned CASA but not sure what that is. CW is not that forward in giving other resources for us to look into.Christy Soon to be FP of a beautiful one year old boy!

CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate) won't help u w money issues... They are there for the kid's best interest and suppose to report to the judge. As far as money issue, try goodwill, yard sales, ebay, donations from ppl who have kids and want to get rid of stuff, etc. Good luck w everything...

CASA is a court apointed advocate, not all children get them. We have our 2 nephews (7 & 10) and are in NJ. This is the third time we have had them. In NJ you can get WIC, which will cover formula till 1 yr, then milk, certain food & juice until the children are 5. It is not a whole lot but it will definatley help. Also, I believe, the child should get free medical. The laws in NJ have changed so much in these seven years. Now eventhough we are kinship placement we get the foster care board rate. 2 years ago before the new laws they had a kinship rate, which isn't even half of the board rate. The first time we had them we had to file for support from the parents. For assistance do alot of searching on the web, there is so much information that I found out there that no one bothered to tell me. Good Luck.

Even if I am licensed I do not get any money. Every State differs and Oregon does not pay relatives to take the kids. I will get 125.00 in the beginning for clothing and a medical insurance card for him but then we are on our own. We have put in for WICA (help with basic food items and formula) and another grant we are waiting to hear from. (like pulling teeth to get info on these grants, they do not want us finding out about them) So frustrating that we are expected to be made of money. We so want this baby but it is expensive to raise kids (we have 3 of our own). The State also told us we will not get money for childcare (lucky for us that is not a factor!) They do not have funding for a CASA worker either! It is so sad that our State cannot find the funding for these children. Now we are just waiting for the SW to get a simple form to the certifier (should of been done last week) so we can move him into our home. The cousin providing a home for him has now had her phone and internet shut off and cannot even afford his diapers! He has to take a bath in her kitchen sink because they do not have a bathtub.....she is a great person but not in the postition to have him there!

Well we have the litte one year old with us now.....it is so great to see him thriving and becoming a part of our family. Still not a lot of help from the State agency, their claim "not enough money to help out family foster parents" We are now going thru WIC and a non-needy relative grant to get some help. We did get 125.00 emergancy clothing voucher since he did not have enough clothes when we got him but that only lasts so long. Hopefully it will not take forever to go thru these other avenues to get help.thanks again for all your advice!

I was a kinship foster parent. My niece had two sets of twins. The first set was five years old, a boy and a girl. The second set premie boy and premie girl. I would not assume that the mom to these children probably will not get them back. Pray for her and God to help in this situation. My niece did get them back. She is doing great. We completed the parenting classes and did not receive any compensation. We did have the daycare for the premies paid by the state. I had to pay for daycare for the older twins. I enjoyed every minute of taking care of my great nieces and nephews. My daughter, husband, and I cried when we had to return the children. We get to visit the children once every two to three months. The baby boy and girl are now 8 months old. The older children were excited about seeing us and the baby girl smiled but the baby boy did not remember us. It hurt my heart that the baby boy cried, but this proved he bonded with his mother. My niece attends AA and is excited about being clean. She realizes this is a daily walk. I am so glad for kinship foster parents. This is better for the children. The children do not have to go to a strange home with strangers. I have always thought it was terrible the child had to leave their home and the parent was allowed to stay in the home. I think the parent should leave and the state should hire caregivers to go into the homes. Hope this helps. Thank God you are taking the children and God Bless You. I will pray for you and the children and their mom.