I never dreamed it might become a reality...

I am sorry to say this but it isn't up to you... It is up to your x to be a part of his son's life. All you can do is leave the lines open and hope that someday he will figure out what he is missing. I say this because i was in the same position years ago. My ex husband never would sign for my husband to adopt the children. He didn't pay support and he never spent time with them. I did alway encourage him to spend time with them and to keep his word to them but he figured they were taken care of and he could go about his life with out worring. They would be there later.... Guess what later is here and they want nothing from him nor to do with him. My oldest is 18 in a few days and my husband is going to adopt him finally. We have to do an adult adoption but the results are the same his dad will be his legal father... My ex and I talk it is a strange relationship. He considers me to be one of his best friends. I have helped him battel substance abuse for a few years now and seem to always be there to pick up the pieces... He knows what he has missed out on now and tells me quite often how sorry he is about that. I try to explain to him that while his relationship with our son will never be like that between my husband and my son he can still have a friendship type of relationship with him and be a part of his life. Time will tell. I wish you luck and pray that he will sign those papers for you (there is such a sense of relief when it is over) Best of wishes in the future

I agree with Lisa to a point. He really may need some suggestions as to the kind of contact he can make. Does he write letters, IM?, E-mail? Phone Calls? If Jerrett writes to him will he promise to write back? Would phone calls be too uncomfortable? I guess I would treat this as an "opening up" of an adoption, even though an adoption has never taken place. The issues for both birthfather and son are similar though.

Please don't forget to be guided by your son's needs and feelings on the point of continued contact. I know you are doing it of out good intentions, but it may make your son feel his security and stability threatened to have you pursuing this relationship, especially when you've just cemented the stability of the home he knows. I thought about continuing contact after our stepparent adoption was completed, in consideration of the bioparent, but was advised not to by a family therapist because it made my son feel pushed toward the bioparent who had abandoned him in the first place. Kids may create drama every now and then :-), but they crave security. Leave the relationship for after your son is fully grown and let it be between the two of them and only if BOTH of them want it.

You can keep in contact with his family if you are more comfortale with that, updating them on how your son is doing and they can in turn relay the information to the biodad. You can also get his email addy, and send him letters every now and then letting him know what your son has been up to. You can only control your part of it, it is up to the biodad as to how much effort he puts into contact, if any at all. I would keep the contact between the adults until your son expresses an interest in contact, if he does. I commend you on being willing to keep the lines of communication open, most parents are not willing to do that, and you truly are putting what is in your sons best interest in front of your own feelings and emotions, good for you! Just because you have contact with the bio, does not mean that your son has to until he is ready. Many parents are too threatened by the idea of contact to even consider it. There are also websites which allow you to create an account where you can post letters, calendars as to what your son is up to and so forth, that the bio dad can then log into and see what is going on in your sons life. They are geared more towards divorce and custody situations, but can work in stepparent adoption cases as well.

If I get lucky enough to have my x let my husband adopt him, i will let him know he can still communicate to my son and if my son decides he wants to he can go visit him. My x has had little to do with my son off and on and sends child support when he is wanting my son to go see him.

That is awesome news!!!! Hallelujiah! In our situation, we are letting our Son decide when he is ready for that contact. He is 14. He has decided that he wanted to meet his half sister and his Grandma, and he has met with them on several occasions and spent some time with them. He is NOT ready at this time to see his biological father, so we have made it very clear that when he is, we will make sure his wishes are met.