adoptive mother

how sad .....reading more of abusive adoptive moms is not a good thing...:mad:

Hi Plants, I hope you are still around...as I can relate to your situation. My amom hated me! I know I never bonded with her. Now that I am an adult I know that it was my afather who pushed the adoption not not amom. After a number of years of trying to have kids unsuccessfully, and then going through the adoption process to receive me...guess who was pg before my adoption was even finalized???????? So I had a sibling/sister 16 months younger than me and my amom made it her mission to ensure that I always knew that my sister was better than me, that I wouldn't amount to much, she made sure that I never felt good about myself and she only did things (for my care) so she wouldn't end up looking bad to others. I grew up not knowing that I was adopted, not knowing why my "mom" treated me the way she did, she was physically and mentally abusive. I found out that I was adopted by accident at the age of 13, also found out that I was bi-racial at 13 (I was adopted by a Black family) and had to endure comments such as, "Your white mother never wanted your black #$%", "Your white mother will probably slam the door on you if you show up on her door step", "I'm sure you got that big noise and those big lips from the black half"!!! I have not been in contact with my afamily since I was removed from their home and put into foster care some 20 years ago. My self esteem is in a constant battle with words that woman left imprinted on my brain! This woman had people believing that I was just some unruly and ungrateful child, until a friends mother saw me after a beating and took me straight to the police station, she saw me that night and said that was it, she had stood by too long knowing what was going on, I went to a foster home that night and never went to live with my afamily again. But I can relate to people not believing me...if this family adopted you, why would they treat you like this. I'd like to keep talking with you. I mostly am in contact with adoptees who are in reunion and dealing with two families...good or bad, I've never had to deal with the afamily v. bfamily tug of war.

As the adopted child of alcoholics I can relate to everything you are saying. I know how lonely and in pain you feel. What you can do about this is take time to cry, but don't do that your entire life. See a councelor if talking about it helps. Read "Toxic Parents" (sorry I don't have the author's name handy). Try to understand that your bparents did NOT leave you knowingly in this situation and did NOT want you to ever feel so terrible. What they did for you was intentioned to be a beautiful gift to people who wanted you and couldn't have a child themselves. If you try hard enough, you can hear and feel the prayers your bparents made and still make when they think of you. God wants you to know that He is with you Please take time for yourself before you do your adoption search, your bparents will be in pain hearing their gift was not cherished life long, you don't need to deal with their reactions and emotions regarding SO MANY different issues while trying to deal with all this stuff yourself. I fight hard not to expect open arms and understanding unconditional love from the bparents I hope to some day find. I try to keep my mind open to anything and not dream of how I want that reunion to go. Since you are adopted, you have the luxury of adopting anyone you want! Find people you can trust, make friends, try to choose people who are not abusive. (they may seem boring at first because you are accustomed to a lot of drama) create a support group for yourself that way you no longer feel lost or unloved. Remember that just as your health was not a garentee to your adoptive parents and they risked taking in an unhealthy child, your adoption was not a garentee that you would have healthy parents either, these people could just as easily be your bparents!!:eek: Always think, what can I do now. Stop the pity party! Now that you are an adult you can do something about this. Don't let yourself continue to be a victim. I know this is very hard as I still play the victim at times myself. But you have to fight it or you will become exactly the same thing you were raised by. You inherited your eyes from your birth parents, your problems from your adoptive parents and you are going to have to find a solution yourself! Good luck!!!