Giving kids back?

I am going through something along the same lines except I have only had the boy 2 months. If you want to privately talk you can send me a pm

I wish I had advice for you. But maybe you're feeling more irritated at his birth parents than him. Sometimes our anger or frustration is taken out on the wrong people. I don't have an answer for you, but I will pray for you and him and I hope it all works out for the best! :flower:

Two year olds in general can be very frustrating to parent. Have you ever parented a 2 year old before that you can compare your feelings to? If your heart is set on a girl, and you just don't feel a connection to this child and don't think you ever will, it's ok to say no to the adoption worker. Someone out there is praying for a little boy to join their family. Your saying no to adoption of him will make someone else's dreams come true. Not every child that passes through our home is meant to be our forever child. Sometimes our home is just a stepping stone to their forever family.

You know, I realized the other day that I'm not necessarily the only answer for him - but I spent so long telling myself that he was MINE and that it's not ok to "give up on him", though if it's not meant to be then it's best for him to go to someone who really is ready to raise him...thank you : )

It sounds like you have made your decision and found peace with it. I think you are right - if this match isn't working 100%, then there is probably a better answer for both of you. Best of luck, and let us know what happens.

I agree with the others... if you don't feel 100% connected with this little boy, let him go to someone who can connect with him. We have friends who have 2 bio girls and 1 adopted boy. The mom is not understanding and not patient with him but caters to her daughters. I feel terrible for this child, because he is not loved like he could be. She simply and admittedly doesn't really like this boy. He's only 5. I think they got him when he was 2. His basic needs are met, but warmth and love are absent. His sisters are constantly reminding him that he's adopted. I just urge you to let him go and pray for another child that you can connect and bond with.

Every child needs to feel loved and special. They need to feel like they are the world to their parents, it sets them up for good self esteem, self knowledge and worth in the future. They need boundaries and guidance, but more than anything they need unconditional love. I understand wanting the right children for your family and someone is out there waiting for him. However, understand it may be hard on him, cause loss is loss...whether it be understandable and justified or not, so I am sure you will be empathetic to his situation, but his bmom and his fost mom will be relenguishing at the same time, so that may be hard, even on a 2 year old. However I totally agree that if you don't feel that he is your child and belongs in your family, then he isn't. I always think of the ugly duckling story when I have friends dealing with simular fost/adopt issues. Every person needs to find their swans...in everything we do in life, we need a set people who are like us :-) And so he will be free to find his family :-) As far as bmon's newborn in Los Angeles, I believe if you adopt a child and a sibling is born you are the first in line to adopt the sib if there are no other family members who come forward, however, in our agency you can say "no" to the newborn child, for reasons of not having enough room or not being able to parent more children, but you cannot relequish the older child and take the newborn, in our agency the goal is to keep the siblings together so in LA they would probably both go to the new foster parent. I'm not sure how your agency works, but that usually is the protocol in ours unless there are issues of danger involved and it is found that the sibs are a threat to each other. :-) Good luck, this seems like a really hard choice, but there IS A PARENT for every child, and children coming from the fost/adopt world need parents who can see the diamond in the rough and are willing and able to work through the issues. I have a friend who can't take sexually abused kids, cause....it's just too hard, and I have another who has a house full of sexually abused kids, and doesn't see their behavior as hard. So the goal is to parent the child you can love unconditionally. Much love :-)

I've had a fs for 2 1/2 yrs. I got her when she was 3months old and when she turned 2 she got into everything, wanted to learn everything no matter what it was. and I looked at her and told myself well she's only doing what she sees and that's how she's learning so you really have to watch what you do and say around children no matter what age because they don't forget. well her bio father stepped into the picture and she's gone home to stay, but we no longer have contact because that's the way they wanted it so I finally accepted it. I was told that children aren't bad just mislead. and also someone told me that the Lord had her here for a short time to help her bio family and then sent her back home. so don't feel bad about sending the baby to someone else who's waiting for a child. everything will be alright.:)

Well I've been thinking about this situation of mine for quite a while now, and I pretty much figured out that I was just really stressed out and was letting him get to me - and that I do not want to let him go...and today I found out that they are sending him home. Here is what I put on a couple of the other boards...if you have advice, please give it...moving him would absolutely be detrimental to him. I am his mother - and all he knows: I've had my foster son for a year and a half. It's been a complete rollercoaster. I met mom about a month ago and we talked about an open adoption agreement, but she said she hadn't made up her mind. Now the state (WA) is saying that they have no legal case against her because she's in complaince...well I'm glad for her that she's got her stuff together; I like her as a person - but my FS thinks of me as his mother. He visits with her for an hour and a half once a week, and it takes him a couple days to get over it. The visits are usually horrible and they REALLY affect him She admitted to me that she can't handle both kids (she has a 2 month old now too). She had two little girls that she had returned to her, and when it was almost time for the dependency to be dismissed, she relinquished them. Well her attorney is telling her that she's got a good case and to move forward - so now she's listening to him instead of doing what's right for my FS. She loves him and she knows I love him - and tells the SW that she knows how hard the transition will be on him - but I don't think she REALLY gets it. Sometimes I feel like I can barely handle him, and I imagine how hard he'll be to handle in an extremely stressful situation like returning home. On top of that, I sent one baby home before and I can't watch another go through transition again...so I told the s/w that I wanted her to let the mom know that he will need to be moved before the transition starts AND that if she decides she can't handle it after a few months, I will not be taking him back if she relinquishes. It KILLS me to say that. He will be SO damaged and I don't think I can handle that. That sounds so horrible, even as I'm writing this...but honestly I want her to think of how that would impact him. She needs to be realistic and do what's right for him, not just do it b/c her attorney gave her the idea. I don't know what to do - court is on Tuesday and it's Friday night. I'm going to court and will try to professionally give my opinion on how this will affect him, though I don't know what words can properly explain the turmoil he will feel. I feel like if I could just talk to her then maybe she'd consider relinquishing again. I know I have a right to get a lawyer, but I've been told that it usually doesn't do much good...but SOMEONE has to legally do something to protect his little heart - the GAL is horrible - I've never even spoken to her once. Her, or her assistant, I'm not sure which, came and observed a visit not too long ago...and wouldn't you know it, it was a good visit - that NEVER happens - they're always bad...so go figure. I requested she come out next week to observe the LAST supervised visit...and she better or I'm going to be even more livid than I already am. Someone who knows what to do, please point me in the right direction. I can't go through this again.__________________[FONT=Comic Sans MS]Shamrox[/FONT]

I am feeling and praying for you... going thru similar now myself! ((HUGS))