Last Name Change?

I have legally changed my entire name (first, middle and last) back to my original name that I was given at birth. So, I don't think you are nuts. I never felt comfortable with my name either, and I can remember wanting to change it as early as 5 years old. To me, it feels more comfortable and perfectly natural to be going by my original name.

I can understand where you're coming from. If I weren't married, I would change my last name back to it's original. My older brother changed his back to it's orginal right before he got married. My only concern for you is your wife and children. Are you going to ask her to change hers? If she's against it, I think you'll have problems changing the last names of your children. I'm not saying you shouldn't do it, because I totally understand why. I just wanted to point out something you might not have thought of. Good luck!

Do you hate your adoptive family that much that you would reject thier name? if so why?

No don't think you are nuts. My hubby's best friend changed his name back to his birth Dad's. He did it after he was married but before they had kids. He felt the same way with the heritage. I think it was more of a pain for us friends then it was for them. We had to remember his new/old name. LOL.

georges, May I offer a comment from the wife's point of view? My ex-husband is not an adoptee, but he had similar reasons for wanting to change his last name. His father was only in his life sporadically. His mother was physically present most of the time, but the real work of raising him was done by his maternal grandparents. In fact, they attempted to officially adopt him at one point. As an adult, he considered changing his last name to that of his grandparents. I said all of that to say that I understood why his grandparents' last name meant something to him, but when he expected me to consider a name change, I resented it. Of course, I initially kept my maiden name and he didn't like that, either. As you know, names are a personal thing that cannot easily be discarded. Perhaps, you and your family can find a solution that will satisfy everyone. Lynn

Hi, I think maybe you should talk to your bfather about it too. It's wonderful that you want to have your son's connected to their biological heritage. My husband was raised by his mom and stepdad. She gave him the stepdad's last name. Now that we are older and have a family of our own it is confusing to our kids who are mostly grown to know who they are really related to and who is step. I didn't grow up even knowing what a step was so it took me a while to figure out his side of the family. I can see where you are coming from. As a wife I wouldn't resent my husband changing his name. I think it's a good enough reason. It might have been a problem if it was a really weird last name like Buttkuss or Wrcyzaskerster (too long). He went by his dad's name for a while in high school, but his mom had even obtained his social security card in the step name and his brothers all go by the step name so he just didn't do it. But, we both think it would have been the right thing to do. His dad died last March, and I know it would have made him feel so good if we would have actually done it. Do it if you want to, and of course, your wife approves.

I hope you don't mind a post from an adoptive mom and stepparent adoptee. My name was changed (unofficially) with my permission before my dad adopted me. It meant a great deal to me to be asked about the name change, I was slightly younger than your 11 year old. My name officially changed with my adoption. I interested in your feelings that changing your sons' last name will re-align them with their heritage. I'm asking because I don't feel lost to my biological father's heritage, it is my heritage regardless of my name. There are many names on my mom's side, all with long, colorful history, none of which I have carried but I feel linked to all of them. Have you thought about that while you may not be connected to your adoptive name, your sons might be? If they were infants I might worry less. Is your wife interested in changing her name, assuming of course she's using your current name?

I'm wondering if the fact that you had a choice in the matter is why you don't have a problem with it? I know for me, the fact that I had absolutely no say in it has impacted me greatly. I feel that my life was completely altered to suit their needs at the time. Georges, how old are your boys? I'm wondering if it wouldn't be better for their sake to maybe give them both names. Like having two middle names. Or just wait until they're old enough to make the decision on their own. There's no telling how they'll react once they're older and fully understand.

Alli, yeah, I think being asked may have something to do with it, I had more ownership of it. I didn't have much idea what it meant really to the family dynamics, I just figured that it was easier, more practical for school. It wasn't until later that I understood what a big deal it was to my parents that I have my dad's last name and to my biological paternal family that I NOT have my dad's last name. I knew there was tension surrounding the issue, but I didn't understand all the complexities until I was older. And I think that's why my dad didnt adopt me until I was older, he wanted me to truly get it and give my fully informed consent, not just say yeah sure whatever as an adoloscent.