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I just recently found this site, and I absolutly love it. It has helped answer some questions that I had. But I need some advice, for the past year my boyfreind and I have been taking care of his sisters kids. They were placed with us through a Foster care agency because their mom is bi-polar and there was a serious case of neglect in their home. Next week we have a court date to determine if they will go back to their mom. Being that she is my boyfriend sister we pretty much know what she has been up too. And it's not good, because now bf is now out of prison and has continued the physical abuse. Currently is has been taking her meds. but I am positive that if and when she gets her kids back she will stop taking them b/c she feels that nothing is wrong with her. Now we love these kids more than anything in the world and hate the idea of them going home to the same situation as before. So my questions is do we let the kids lawyer know that she is still not in a good place to properly care for Two extremely active kids both under 3 years old. Because the only thing We care about is making sure that wherever these kids are they safe and happy.
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I admire your commitment to the kids and your willingness to step in when your boyfriend's sister needed someone to care for her kids. That said, I'd like to caution you against assuming that she will never be able to take them back and care for them. People with bipolar disorder can find stability on meds; and believe it or not, most of us eventually do accept that we will be on meds for the rest of our lives. I don't know whether the kids' mom is at this point in her life or not ... but I think being separated from her kids is one heck of a loud wake-up call if she's been in denial about her illness. So, you wonder what you should tell the kids' lawyer. The truth and nothing but the truth will do. Yes, tell the court if you fear the birthfather is now going to be a dangerous presense in the home. And, yes, tell the court if birthmom has a history of stopping her meds when she feels better; but please don't predict her failure to stay in treatment before it happens. I am a bipolar mother of a pre-schooler. I know I'm not the only good parent with a mental illness, so it is possible that your boyfriend's sister can recover and be a good mom, too. She may need a little more help or a little more time but her case is not hopeless. Please don't give up on her or the idea that reunification is possible for her and her kids. I can see how much you love the kids, how much you have given your heart to them. I think that's wonderful because kids need all the love they can get. I just hope you'll remember that she loves them, too -- even when her sickness makes it look like she doesn't. Sincerely,DeeCee
Stick with facts and not emotions if possible. If you are getting ready to go to court send the cw an email with an update. I do this before every meeting and court date. Again do not put in your feelings because to be honest they don't count. If you know ** is back with the abuser than you state this information.
Also give an update on the children. Where they are in their development. I usually go online and find the developemental guidelines for that age and I cross reference them with what they children are doing. I also put in any information from Dr visits.
Being Bipolor is not a reason to loose your rights to your child. Now if she is bi-polor and not taking here meds, living with an abusive partner, no housing ect then that is different.
Remember that ** has a right to see what you wrote.
Thank You for replys, I should have added that this is the second time that kids were removed by ACS. the first time was 1 1/2 years ago, the oldest was left alone for a week with her blind and deaf grandfather. At the time my boyfriend and I were 22 years old on a volunteer program in China and we didn't know until it was to late, we were under contract for 5 months. Biggest fear is that they are reunited with birthmom, who I love to death, and this happens again and we aren't around. It breaks my heart to say anything that might hurt birthmom b/c I truly consider her family. Your absolutly right about keeping feelings out of our dealings with cw, ss, and lawyer.
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