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It's been a year since boyfriend and I have had his sisters kids placed with us, and our lives has changed so much. The week before they were taken by the state we felt that we were ready mentally and moneywise to start our own family, so we began trying. and then a few days later out of nowhere these angles found there way into our home and hearts. And we always knew that they would probably go back to **. Now I don't have a M.D or anything like that, but we do know that ** is still not at the place she needs to be to take care of these wonderful kids. As a woman who wants children of her own one day, I feel terrible because I know that ** loves her kids more than anything in the world. And I know that if I were in her place I would be devastated not to have my kids with me. But now when I think about not having these kids in my home with me I really become a mess. I guess my question is how do You deal knowing that these kids who have become your life might leave. Sorry so long....
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Hi, I'm a bmom who's never faced your situation but I wanted you know someone saw your post. Since they are your boyfriend's nieces/nephews, will you be able to have contact with them and find ways to support her/ help her mother them although you believe she "is still not at the place she needs to be."? It may help if you can still be a positive part of their lives. Will they live close enough to come visit "aunt and uncle?" You are in my thoughts and prayers.
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I used to ask myself what I would do if my niece suddenly rehabilitated herself and became the responsible young woman that I always hoped she would become. If I knew in my heart that she would be a good mother to my daughter, could I love them both enough to open my arms and let go? If such a miracle had happened during the first year after our adoption (the second year of our custody) my husband and I both felt that we would be able to "reconsider" our adoption and return to our original roles of Aunt and Uncle. If we knew that Her Sweetness would have a good life with her birthmom, we believed we could go back to our old life and original plans -- which never included children, especially not at our age. After two years, we thought it might be too hard on all of us to go back to our former roles. Of course, fantasies don't often become reality and my niece did not change. She is content to be a "special cousin" to my darling daughter and that's the way it is. Am I happy that I didn't have to test the strength of my commitment to my daughter's best interests, or my niece's? Yes, and no. I love my daughter with all my heart and I would do anything for her. I really wish that my niece would, too. I have great sympathy for you and the emotional bind that you're in. I can only say that I hope you will have the strength and the courage to do whatever must be done in the best interest of the children, and the sister of the man you love. DeeCee
Of course, she does. Her Sweetness was 18 months old when she was taken into protective custody and she had supervised visitation with her mother for the next six months. Because we are family and I've always been close to my niece (who I love dearly, despite her flaws), we have lots of "before" photographs that Her Sweetness likes to look at -- although her favorites are the photos that include me and Dadman. My niece never really took to her role as Mother and I think Her Sweetness knew very early that that special feeling was missing. At 18 months, she called my niece by her name and she still does. No one denies that J--- was her mother, but we all agree that I am the only mother now. BTW, J--- will be sleeping over at our house on Christmas Eve so she can take part in The Great Unwrapping. She is always invited to take part in our family events and activities -- and she always will be. DeeCee
Thank you guys for your comments, I've been on this site for about 2 months and have read so many words of encouragement. The kids would live about 2 hrs away, but that is no big deal because we would travel wherever to see them. We are having a tough time with this is b/c ** for some reason blames us for what happend and has said that we probably won't see them b/c she doesn't want them to remember they were with us for so long. I just hope that that isn't the case.
DC MomLady I'm am so happy that You and your daughter have a good relationship with your niece. Too many kids grow up feeling abandoned so I'm happy that your daughter has a great mom and her "special cousin".
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I am so sorry that your kids' birthmom does not see that you were the answer to a prayer! Why do so many of us get the blame instead of the gratitude we deserve? In my sister's drunken rages, she still accuses me of conspiring with CPS to steal her daughter's child. I hope that "birthmom" will see the light if she is lucky enough to get another chance to be a parent. Besides what she owes you, her kids deserve to know that you will still (and always) be a part of their lives. Sometimes, the case plan for transitioning the kids back to the care of their birthparents will require her to allow the contact that she's threatening to withhold. That might give her a chance to see that it is a good thing for everyone. Remember, Erica, this is all about preparing yourself emotionally to deal with a loss that might not even come to happen. If she's gone 12 months without showing any real improvement, she's not likely to get the benefit of any doubts. You may be closer than you think to a permanency plan that puts you on the fast-track to adoption -- and then it will be you who decides who the kids will get to see. DeeCee