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Here's the deal... As strange as it may sound, I married my wife becsause I fell in love with her 5yr son. This was back in 1999. He was born with several disabilities, of which one is that he doesn't eat by mouth and relies for his total nutrition via his G-Tube. The first time I met him he was toting around his IV pole that had his feeding bag hanging and he smiled at me with his crooked smile... Needless to say, as opposite of marriages where single parents bring the so-called "baggage" (their kids), into the marriage, my baggage wasn't the kids, it was the mother... The real dad is a dead-beat.. 20K+ in arrears in child support... we moved from Indiana to Maryland in 2001, and I can count on one hand the times he has called... in fact I cold be an amputee and still count the times... ZERO!!... actually he isnt my concern... my wife and I have had seperate living quarters for almost 3 years, and we have spoke about about seperation... I take care of all of my son's medical and special ed schooling... she admits that she could never take care of him, and that she could never take him away from me... he is 13 now and said many times that he wants me to be his real dad... my wife and I have discussed seperating, but remaining married for insurance purposes..(I provide all the medical as he insurance won't pay for my son's monthly supplies)... the arrangement was that he lives with me on the weekdays (so I provide the schooling, homework), and she would get him on the weekend... (I want all of this in the seperation agreement)... we would sell the house, split any proceeds.... and then seperate.... NOW THE PROBLEM.... she has recently found out that her mom has cancer, and is telling me she is gonna take the boys and uproot and move back to Indiana... of course I tried to reason... let the kids stay here and her go back and take care of her mom... Is there is possible way that I could adopt my son and then at least stop her from moving away?... show that she is neglective and be awarded the adoption?... or as a stepparent am I operating with tied hands?... I would greatly appreciate any advice.... Thanks, Steve (Maryland)
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wow, what a problem! You sound like an awesome stepparent... sometimes it's hard to feel "step". I think maybe legal guardianship might be a way to go, but I'm new at this and have no idea. Maybe posting in special need forum could offer some better advice by way of people who have gone through this before! Good Luck! God Bless You!
K
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I would discuss adoption with both the biological parents. While it is possible for you to adopt your stepson after the divorce, it will be much easier for you to do so before hand. Explain to your wife that if you adopt her son, he will be able to continue to receive the health benefits from you that he is currently getting. It would be in his best interest for you to adopt him. If you do not know where the biological father still is, you can run a public notice in the paper for just over 30 days, and if he does not respond you can continue on with the adoption as though he consented. If you do know where he is you may be able to make a deal with both him and the courts to forgive his back child support if he signs over his parental rights. Once you have adopted your stepson, you can file for custody of him. You can try to do that before the adoption since you have been his caregiver for so long and his health insurance is in your name, but it will be harder to get custody in that case. You really cannot block your wife from moving, the best route for you to take is to convince her to do the right thing for her son and not uproot him from his home. Perhaps you two can come to a visitation agreement that is liberal and fair so that she will not have such a hard time leaving him with you. The only other option that I can think of is to move your MIL (mother in law) closer to you and your wife so that your family can stay together until you work things out with your wife ( no matter which way it goes) and have still have your MIL close enough for your wife to see and take care of. Many parents move in with their adult children later in life when their health begins to fail. Good luck! [url=http://stepparent.adoptionblogs.com]Stepparent Adoption Blog[/url]