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Hello, I just don't even know where to start. My dh and I have a 2 year old fd in our care since July. She is a handful to say the least. The CPS affidavit read that mom actually signed a piece of paper giving fd to her "god mother" for 3 months. It also showed how ** didn't take fd to the doctor for a total of 16 months. This 2 year old used to lick urine, bang her head on the wail, spit on herself, punch the wall and hit herself. Her dev. psyc finally put her on abilify because of the fear that she would injur herself. We used to have our fd's brother in our care but he smeared feces the bathroom wall at our parents house, and he was actually abusive towards fd.(caught him with her in the closet with her pull-up down) AT that point we told cw what was going on and had him removed. He actually is a sweet child but also tested to have slight MR. There is also a 1 year old baby who when they took her was 8 months old functioning on a 4 month old level. So that's 3 kids all under 5. ** is 23, admits to smoking marijuana since 16 years old. NONE of the children's fathers are even around, 2 are incarcerated. Anyway, right now ** is receiving a bond assessment with the 3 kids because cw says she doesn't see a bond with ** and the kids. The therapist and the cw say they know mom is not ready to get the kids back and be a mother "right now." But says the children don't seem to react negatively when they see mom. Which I beg to differ as fd acts out majorly after visits. Just yesterday when ** picked up fd from my lap fd screamed and mom had to give her chips to settle her down. I keep telling them that food calms fd down even in therapy sessions where she still struggles after all this time to trust the therapists. She was doing well in our home until the bond assessment visits started. Then she regressed majorly.Mom has done minimal, she hasn't kept a steady job but now she's working and going to school. We are coming up on 9 months now. CW just told me they plan to extend the case past the normal 12 months. I'm just dumb founded by this because it's like they're not thinking about the fact that fd is already extremely bonded here in our home. I would be all for her going home if I didn't get the feeling like CW and the ** therapists weren't exactly thinking ** is ready for the caretaker roll with the kids. ** has missed taking psych eval twice and now has to pay out of pocket and STILL hasn't done it. There is to be a staffing meeting before court in Feb. I already know fd dev. psych. isn't going to go for the extension, she already feels like fd is an emotional WRECK. She has BARELY begun trusting me when I say "Be right Back." Any advice would be appreciated! Sorry so long, first post here!
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We have been at this for 20 years. We had a baby and her brother for almost 4 years. Fought the county when they wanted to move the kids to see if another home would report as much abuse. Mom had 6 kids by the age of 22. I had 2 another was taken away a week from fatal starvation. The younger three were born in less than a year. They left them in the home because they had a know child molester living with mom and said they knew she would feed them. All that I saw them get were bottles of water.When they finally moved the kids from us, they went for immediate termination and took the other three away. I have never seen them do anything in a year. They will say they will and then drop it after court. One girl we had for 4 years aged out of the system and we got her at the age of 6. We were her third placement. Another girl we had for 4 years and 1 1/2 years ago she was moved because she was a danger to the other kids in my home. She just turned 11 and had been in foster care since the age of 6. We have had 45 kids and Most were in care longer than one year. The cw will take their time, lie to the judge and then drop everything a week after court. I just had a girl almost 14. She absolutely did not want to go home, wrote letters to the judge and asked to talk to him. He let her talk , but kept a brother and sister also. He placed the other 4 kids back with mom and said she could stay another month or two, but not to get too comfortable. The cw gave her 20 min. to get packed. Told this girl that she had problems with me. It devestated the girl. This girl is being kept like a prisoner. Another child we had went back home and has been living wherever he can ever since. Has now quit school. This one wanted to be a lawyer.Time after time I have watched their hopes be dashed by the system. I have had kids that did not want to be in the same room as their mothers and would try to escape. They would lock the doors to keep them in the room.
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We have been at this for 20 years. We had a baby and her brother for almost 4 years. Fought the county when they wanted to move the kids to see if another home would report as much abuse. Mom had 6 kids by the age of 22. I had 2 another was taken away a week from fatal starvation. The younger three were born in less than a year. They left them in the home because they had a know child molester living with mom and said they knew she would feed them. All that I saw them get were bottles of water.When they finally moved the kids from us, they went for immediate termination and took the other three away. I have never seen them do anything in a year. They will say they will and then drop it after court. One girl we had for 4 years aged out of the system and we got her at the age of 6. We were her third placement. Another girl we had for 4 years and 1 1/2 years ago she was moved because she was a danger to the other kids in my home. She just turned 11 and had been in foster care since the age of 6. We have had 45 kids and Most were in care longer than one year. The cw will take their time, lie to the judge and then drop everything a week after court. I just had a girl almost 14. She absolutely did not want to go home, wrote letters to the judge and asked to talk to him. He let her talk , but kept a brother and sister also. He placed the other 4 kids back with mom and said she could stay another month or two, but not to get too comfortable. The cw gave her 20 min. to get packed. Told this girl that she had problems with me. It devestated the girl. This girl is being kept like a prisoner. Another child we had went back home and has been living wherever he can ever since. Has now quit school. This one wanted to be a lawyer.Time after time I have watched their hopes be dashed by the system. I have had kids that did not want to be in the same room as their mothers and would try to escape. They would lock the doors to keep them in the room.
Boulderbabe
FWIW, our county filed for TPR on my son on the 366th day he was in care. The case wasn't resolved in 12 months, but TPR was done in 18 months and the adoption was final in 24. I don't know how they could have gone much faster, to be honest!
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I have had many foster children. I know many foster parents. I have no faith in the system as written. The laws are there but no one seems to be driven tofollow them. I know of children in "pre-adoptive" homes that have been there for years before tpr was even filed. I now have 4 that should never go to bio's. None of the family. They have been in care for their whole lives and the goal is still "ru/concurrent with adoption". I AM NOT an adoptive home. They should be in a concurrent home so that when things finally fall thru with bioM they can stay where they are at. The older 2 are highly sexualized and I recently caught one "fondling" the baby. I keep as vigilant as I can - but everyone needs to go potty once in a while. . . The state doesn't place in "concurrent" around here because "they" (I think the cw's) feel there is a conflict of interest. I think there is a conflict in the way the existing laws are carried out. If they can't follow the law - then why have it? Just recently a biof popped up after 11.5 months, got a case plan and has worked it for almost a year. He will probably get the child that no one claimed for so long. The "concurrent" parents are grieving - the child will go to another county - so when "Dad" abandons again (that's how she got in the system to start with) these ap's will probably never know it. Sorry for the soapbox - it just seems that a new sad story comes up constantly. Good luck to you all. The child will need it most of all.:(
Our kids our scheduled for the pre-trial part of TPR in less than two weeks and have not even been in care a year. However, they have been in and out of care SEVERAL times already - so its an exceptional case. And, despite the speed of the case, we are equally frustrated with "the system". It seems as though they are so much more concerned about the bios "rights" than the best interest of the kids.
There are cases where TPR is brought about in a timely manner, the child is placed adoptively, and all before the 2nd birthday. This isn't as common as we'd all like, obviously. Also, it seems that so many worker seem to blow off the federal mandates about children being in care for X number of months out of the last 24 as being a cutoff for reunification attempts. Drives me crazy to think of these kids hanging around, going back and forth, getting more attachment and developmental problems, only to be placed adoptive at the age of 3 or 4 instead of at 6 months. Grr. :grr:One case that I've been involved with the child was placed at birth with bio relative foster parent. Relative fp plans to adopt...and may even get to someday...when TPR is achieved. The bio parents have abandoned and not seen the child or attempted to work the caseplan for the last 24 months, and the bio relative is STILL WAITING FOR TPR TO GO FORWARD. Hello?! The only bright side to this is that the child has been in one stable home the entire time without being flung back and forth between this home and that. :rolleyes:In my experience with foster parenting the 12 month timeline was a nice ruler that was used at the cw's convenience and had little or nothing to do with the best interest of the child, etc.
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