Advertisements
Hello-sorry for the huge post. I appreciate any help you can give.
I was married to a man for 8.5 years and during that time the mother of his two children had her rights terminated due to abuse, neglect, drug abuse and abandonment. The children were with her until 2002 when the judge in California granted full custody to my ex husband. They were living with us full time with no visitation for mother due to drug problems. The Idaho court after that terminated her rights as I was preparing for stepparent adoption. I found out that my husband involved with another woman and so we divorced in June of 2006. The younger son was 12 and had suffered abuse at the hand of his mother so he never fully recovered from that. He went to live with the birth mother's parents after the divorce as they seemed like very stable people and he could enjoy the one on one attention that counselor's here said he needed. The other son who is 15 is doing just great. He decided that after the divorce he wanted to live with me. He is a wonderful boy who is involved in the church youth group, a Christian school where he earns good grades, and plays many sports. He is so well adjusted and we have a very close relationship. Today in the mail I received notice that the birth mother is trying to reinstate her parental rights due to the fact that my ex husband hasn't visited him enough in her opinion and isn't paying enough child support. She would like to have both children back. My questions are:
1. If her rights are terminated how can she possibly get custody of them?
2. Shouldnt this be going through the Idaho courts as they are residents of Idaho?
3. Is it possible for me to petition the court to adopt the older son? He wants me to adopt him (he is 15 years old now) and has no interest at all in going back to the life he was living before with her. We are very close and I know our relationship would speak for itself but he would also be willing to speak up for what he wants. My ex is totally on board with this and would do what he needed to in order to make this happen. My ex had a rough patch a while back and since then has been sober and very active in AA. I only wish to adopt the older son. The younger son has been harmful to the other children on our house and physically and verbally threatening to me.
4. Can someone be mother to a child when they have a legal father? What I mean is do the father's rights ALSO have to be terminated in order to adopt him?
Thank you very much for any information you can provide.
Like
Share
Fathers rights would not have to be terminated in order for you to adopt him. In fact it would be unlikely that they would terminate his rights as the courts believe children need two parents. The bio mom's rights have already been terminated which means that she has not rights at all. What I would recommend is filing papers for adoption with bio fathers consent immediately before her case goes to trial. And be on board together and show you are working together in the best interests of this child. The fact that he has been living with you solely for so long will be very good for you.
As far as her filing in which state...she would have to file in the state that there is existing paperwork and your ex can request a change of jurisdiction.
So, I would one file for adoption with your ex's consent (him keeping his parental rights.) And file a petition to dismiss biomom's suit as she has no legal standing.
Advertisements
Difficult position.1. They don't typcially (unless the childen are in state care) terminate a parents rights, unless there is an adoption in progress...even then, the Termination takes place in the same court hearing as the adoption. Sounds to me like her rights weren't terminated, just the custody and visitation order - big difference - and yes, she can amend that.2. Typically, in order to do a 2nd parent or Step Parent adoption, the 'parents' have to be married or cohabitating - and as I said above, the mothers rights likely aren't terminated, so she would have to agree or you would have to terminate her rights based on whatever the laws are wherer you are. Additionally, you'd have to terminated the fathers rights and do a single parent adoption.I know this isn't what you want to hear - my advice, contact an attorney and find out what the status of the mothers rights are - then find out what your options, if any, are.
I'm thinking the same thing Brandy's thinking. You're saying her rights were terminated, but you say it twice: when the children were very young and then when you were preparing for stepparent adoption. "Termination of Parental Rights" happens once and for all and is irrevocable once it is filed with the court. Maybe her visitation rights were taken away or her custody rights? It sounds like you're talking about custody rights, which is very different from "parental rights." A father would have no child support to pay to a mother whose parental rights had been terminated. If there was an actual TPR, she could be filing to adopt back her own children. You need to bring all your docs to a lawyer and clarify what actual legal terms and situations you are dealing with. It would be highly unusual to grant adoption to an ex-stepmother (I'm speaking legally here). The one caveat is that he is over the age of consent, meaning that it's very important to the court what he wants regarding his own custody or adoption. I hope it can get sorted out for the best situation for the kids. But seriously, you need to get legal counsel right away so that you understand what's going on and what you need to do.
Thank you all for your responses. Her rights were indeed TERMINATED prior to the completion of the adoption which I did not finish (but wish I would have now) because of the marital sitation. In Idaho the termination and adoption are two different hearings. I had been assured by my lawyer when I decided to not adopt at that time that she doesn't have any rights to him. The jurisdiction is in Idaho and she is attempting to file paperwork in California.
So to clarify-can a non-cohabitating couple be parents to this child legally? We are working together nicely to raise him.
Thanks,
Heather
Advertisements
No the father's rights do not have to be terminated in order for you to adopt your stepson. In fact you will need his consent in order to do the adoption. If the biological mother's rights have already been terminated then she has no legal foot to stand on, and courts only turn over a ruling if their is substantial evidence that the law was not followed for the initial ruling. So as long as her rights being terminated was all done legally and properly she really doesn't stand a chance. Some states do allow second parent adoptions even though the parents are no longer together. Same sex couples though not legally able to be married can adopt a child through second parent adoption, so no you do not ALWAYS have to be married in order to do a second parent adoption. The fact that the mothers rights have already been terminated, and that the biological father wishes to have you adopt your stepson are both very much in your favor. Contact an attorney and explain the situation, you may be surprised to hear that not only can it be done, but given that you already have a TPR and consent from the father it should be a fairly quick adoption. Cases involving children generally need to be held in the state where the children reside ( as long as they have been there a minimum of 6mnths to a year, depending on the state) Call a lawyer pronto and see what (s)he has to say, and please do keep us updated on your situation. I am praying for, thinking of, and pulling for your and your son! [url=http://stepparent.adoptionblogs.com]Stepparent Adoption Blog[/url]