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Ok, so my husband and I filed the adoption paperwork in late December of 06. It has been 5 years since my daughter's father has had any contact with her. He signed the declaration of paternity and is on her birth certificate. He hasn't paid child support, but I closed the case 3 years ago since the $30 a month wasn't worth it to me anymore, and I didn't want her on his insurance when he kept losing jobs left and right and everytime I went to the doctor, there was something new. He did go to jail a couple times because he didn't pay too often and had his license suspended. My husband and I have been together since my daughter was 10 mos. old and she is now 8. We've been married about 6 mos.
I spoke with her father tonight and he said "I dont think I'm ok with this I need to talk to my lawyer." First off, I sincerely doubt he has a lawyer, but even if he does, can he really stop this adoption from happening? Can he just go into abandonment hearing and say, "Yes, I may have been absent all this time, but I'm here now and want to see my child..." I'm very nervous....has anyone experienced anything similar? Can you tell me what the judge said? Or just any advice on what to do. We do have an attorney and I will speak with him, but I was wondering if there are any words of wisdom :)
Thank you
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I just spoke with my atty, (well the paralegal) and they said they're going to mail him another consent form with a letter stating that if he doesn't sign, he will have to start paying child support. Which I of course do not want, but hoping that will scare him into signing. We are still going forward with the TPR and as soon as I find out where he works, will have him served there since he avoids the servers at home.
Just a follow up to my previous note. :) Any advice?
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If there has been no real contact with your daughter and the bio-father (especially for the large amount of time you stated above) then you have a very good chance to terminate his rights forcefully through the court system. It really depends on how involved he has been over the years and what your grounds are for terminating his rights. Is he a danger (drug user, convicted felon, violent, etc...)? Can he provide financially? Will he ever be able to provide financially? Does he or has he ever paid child support? Have there been large gaps of time where he didn't have contact with your daughter (in most states you can potentially terminate after just 6-12 months of no contact or support)? Has he ever put forth effort to have a relationship with your daughter? Those are the kinds of questions the court will want answered.
Thanks for your reply.
He has been arrested for possession of a controlled substance, but our atty. said that probably wont be admissable. 5 years, straight with absolutely no contact. Never put forth any effort whatsoever.
I just spoke with the court and they said the lady handling our investigation left and we have to start the investigation over!!!!!!! Also, we can't file for abandonment until the investigation into the adoption is complete. :( And who knows when that will be.
The way I understand it in Michigan anyway, is that the court requires 2 years of no contact or support in order to terminate parental rights. The court can terminate your ex's rights without his consent. It all depends on the rules for your state and how the judge feels. If your attorney plays it to the judge that it's in your daughter's best interest to have your husband be legally responsible for her, it would help. Especially if he has had opportunity during that 5 years to see her, and just hasn't.We're starting to go through something similar, only we've just begun. Unfortunately, we've been received child support through payroll deduction (which was court ordered), and they consider that to be receiving financial support even though he's not doing it willingly.I hope things work out. Let me know how it plays out. Good luck!!
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Hi there-
Yes we have done the interview...twice! It was painless. They just asked the three of us why we want to do this and then had some questions for me about me and the BF's tumultuous relationship, at which point I had my daughter leave the room. Initally, they mailed us a packet that we needed to fill out, along with submitting various documents, ie, utility bill (to prove we live in OC), marriage license, IDs, birth certificates, etc. Then there is a bunch of questions to answer about the current situation and stuff.
The next step is ANOTHER iterview when we file for TPR...good times.
Good luck with your interview! Not that you need it...like I said, it's pretty painless. :)
His arrest for drugs not admissable? I'm in Texas and drug use plays a very big part when it comes to the safety of the child. My ex has had no contact with DD in 15 months and has not willingly paid child support in 17 months. With this we are able to terminate. My ex's admission to drug use and past drug tests that he did not pass are also helping us get his rights terminated whether he wants it or not. I would fight to have his drug arrest admitted!!
I honestly think you'll be fine. We are in CA and had 5 yrs of zero effort from DS' mom, and she did come back when she was contacted by the investigators and say "it's true that I didn't try the last 5 yrs but I had my reasons and I didn't abandon him and now I want contact." But 5 yrs in a child's life is a long time. If the court can see the child is truly bonded with the stepparent and if they are satisfied that the child has already been abandoned, even if they perk up when notified of the TPR proceedings, they will grant the TPR and the adoption. DS has always had, and still has, an open invitation to whatever kind of relationship he wants with his bmom, but that in no way threatens the sanctity and unity of our family. I know it's easy to worry... I've been there. But if you have truth on your side you have no reason to worry. You just have to endure the process.
Thank you for the info on the interview. I am so very excited after receiving the filed petition - it makes it more real for me. I hope it doesn't take them tooo long to contact us for this interview. I've become obsessed over this adoption. I just wish my son's name was changed also but now that he has moved on I don't think it will happen. He is 18 and lives in another state. Thank you all again
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