Am I doing the right thing??

I have really gotta vent... please hear my story... My little cousin JD was born in July 2004. When he was born, he tested positive for cocaine and my cousin, his mother, admitted to using the drug on the day prior to her giving birth. At the time he was born, I went to the hospital to see him and spent nights at the hospital with him as well. I was determined for him not to enter the foster care system as long as I was willing to take care of him. Investigators came to the home I was living in at the time and said it wasn't big enough. I was already taking care of 2 children under a kinship placement. No big deal. I moved into a bigger home within 4 weeks. They came to the new place and said everything was good. My aunt, his grandmother, did not like the idea of my taking care of him. She felt that if he was placed in the foster care system, it might give my cousin some initiative to get off drugs. I strongly disagreed. This caused an uproar in the family and my aunt demanded that I step back. She felt that as the grandmother, she had the most say so (whatever that is) and would get him herself. She also has custody of his siblings, so I decided that if JD was placed with her, at least he would be with his siblings, so I stepped back. At the time, my aunt lived in a 2 BR attic apartment with the husband, adult son, and JD's 2 siblings. Fast forward January 2005... my aunts apartment catches fire. She loses everything. She still states she is in control and does not want me to take custody of JD. I respect her wishes, but initiate contact with the Division (NJ) and JD's law guardian to keep my name in the mix. My aunt moves into the Ramada Inn for 3 months. In April 2005, she moves into a 3 bedroom apartment in. Fast Forward July 2005... She is preparing her home for JD's arrival. Everything appears to be going smoothly. JD is scheduled to come to her home for a weekend visit at this time, but for some reason the visit is canceled without notice. I go with my aunt to take the necessary Infant/Child CPR and First Aid. Keep in mind, by this time, I am a licensed foster parent for the state of New Jersey. My aunt is still adamant about my not taking custody of JD. I respect her wishes. Fuinny... I can take care of other kids, but not my own little cuz... Fast Forward late December 2005... My aunt leaves the State of New Jersey without notice... I didn't even know. I contact the Division early January 2006 to let them know that I am making plans to move to the State of Maine. I also let them know that my Aunt has left New Jersey and I would like to take care of JD and ultimately would like for him to move to Maine with me. I was advised that if he were to be placed with me and moved out of state, that I would not be eligible for any funds. I explained to the caseworker that money is a non-issue, but I did ask if there was any way for JD to have health insurance. The caseworker stated that she would see what she could do. The caseworker also stated that until she heard from my aunt, she couldn't rule her out.:eek: Around the same time, JDs mother called me asking me to take custody of JD because she didn't know what her mother was doing and why she just up and left NJ without notice. I told her the wheels were already in motion. I called the Division 2 weeks prior to my departure from the state of NJ and was advised that when they spoke to JDs mother about whether she wanted her son placed with me or her mother, she stated that she wanted him placed with her mother and that they were waiting on the grandmother to contact them and when she did, they would be working with her and would keep me in mind. Fast forward to the present time. I am now a licensed therapeutic foster parent for the state of Maine. JD is almost 3 years old. My aunt STILL does not have custody of him yet. Every time I speak to her (at least twice a week), she states she doesn't want him and doesn't care whether he comes to live with her or not. She also states that "If they ain't bringin' him with a check, they might as well not bring him at all". :mad: I AM READY TO PULL MY HAIR OUT!!!!! :mad: The truth of the matter is that she has not taken any steps needed towards gaining him. No classes, no contact, no nothing... even if she initiates that (which she hasn't), we are still looking at at least another 2-4 months for the homestudy to be complete. The other truth of the matter is that even is they did, the home she is in now would not be approved... I know. I've been there. I would like to do what I can to gain custody of my cousin. I have contacted the necessary people that I needed to. The ball is rolling. I will go the next court hearing in June. I have spoken to the law guardian, the caseworkwe, and supervisor. JD is now in the adoption unit. He has been with the same foster family since he left the hospital and I have been told that they have no desire to adopt him... Part of me doesn't believe that... how do you take care of a child since birth for almost 3 years and then have no desire to adopt them?? I feel bad because I feel that it is my fault that he has been in the system for so long. If I knew then I what know now, JD would have been paced with me as soon as he left the hospital... siblings or not. I just need some opinions... I am somewhat torn... My aunt will be angry when she finds out that I have taken the necessary steps to have him placed with me... Sorry its so long, but there is so much more to the story. JDs mom says that she doesn't want her son in Maine... The hearing in June is a TPR hearing... its not that she doesn't want him with me, she says she doesn't want him all the way up here... Get this... JD is in NJ, mom and Gma now live in NC... I am in Maine. Its a messed up situation and I need some advice...