Tips for Single Foster Parents

What a great idea for a thread. Things I try to do include: 1. Take time for myself each day. Even 1/2 hour while the babies are down really helps to rejuvinate your energy. 2. Accept help from people who offer it. My neighbor mows my lawn everytime he mows his, front and a very large back yard. He and his wife recently planted flowers in all my flower boxes out front. What a lift that was to come home to see the color!:flowergift: 3. This one may sound odd, but it works to save me time (and money). I use cloth diapers, except at night or on long car rides. I throw a load into the wash ever day (3 kids in diapers) and they are done. If no time one day, who cares, I have enough to last 3 days. I don't have to worry about running out and having to run to the store at the last minute. 4. Use plastic pants over disposable diapers at night. This helps keep the kiddos and the bedding dry. 5. A long soak in a hot bath at least 2 x's per week. 6. Have a sitter a couple times a month for a few hours just to get away. Use this time to get a massage, go shopping, whatever. 7. Here's a big one that my mom taught me way before I became a foster mom. "Make sure to be kind to (insert your name here) today". 8. If someone asks if your kids can go to their house for a few hours, LET THEM. My neighbors absolutely love my 16 mo fd and love to have her over to 'play'. 9. Put the kids in the stroller and go for a walk in the late afternoon. This gets them (and you) out in the fresh air and makes them very tired. 10. My pediatrician recommended that if one of the kiddos is crying, for no reason other than to hear themself cry, don't be afraid to put them in their crib for 5 minutes and shut the door. The momentary break gives you a chance to take a few deep breaths and get rid of the frazzles that the crying gives you before they can take hold. Works marvels. 11. Get some adult conversation in each day. A 3 minute phone call to a friend will do in a pinch. A half-hour one is even better. 12. In warm weather I hang my clothes on the line to dry. That little bit of time outside really feels good. :laundry: 13. A very high priority to me is my continual conversations with God throughout the day. It may be as simple as saying "thank you God for the God hug" when I find a penny. Saying 'thank you' when you get a good parking space, the light stays green or changes quickly makes your day much happier. 14. Dance with the kids. Put on some music with a good beat and dance and be silly. We do this at least 2 x's per week. What fun.:rockband: :dance: :banana: 15. Just be silly. Chase your toddler while on your hands and knees. Make goofy faces at your 4 year old. Put an olive on your finger and feed it to your 6 year old. If your kiddo is learning to pour milk from the carton and makes a mess, don't get upset - FINGER PAINT with them in it for a few minutes before cleaning it up. Try looking at things from the point of view of your kiddos. Really makes the day much nicer. Think of the wonder of rediscovering a leaf, a blade of grass, watching an ant, etc. Don't worry about what people might think if they pass by and you are on your knees with the kids looking at something on the ground. They will most likely smile and wish they had someone little again so they would have an excuse to get down and look closely at things on the ground. 16. Tell your kids you love them every day. If you just can't say that (because you really don't mean it) tell them 'you are loved'. Think of how you feel when someone tells you they love you. These little ones need it so much.:love: 17. Most of all - Have Fun each day.

Withay - good tips for everyone, not only singles. Thanks for sharing.

Withay, we use clothe as well... and even at night AND on the road. At night we put a folder square diaper cloth inside their usual diaper... its BIG, but it works except on the wettest nights (which can be said for just about any diaper, I imagine)

Withay, Loved your post! --------------------------------------------------- I've only been a mom for less than 4 weeks, but I've got a few tips that are working pretty well for me: 1. I try to keep my Saturdays clear on my schedule so that I don't have to leave my house for any reason. That way, I can use that time to catch up on all the things I couldn't get to (or was too tired to get to) during the week (I work outside my home full-time). My daughter and I sleep in and stay in our jammies all day. I take my nap when she takes hers. 2. I only do laundry :laundry: once per week, on Saturdays. I try to do a week's worth of ironing on the weekends to save time in the mornings. 3. I try to run errands during my lunch break at work to avoid having to run so many in the evenings after I pick my daughter up from preschoo. But for those I can't run during lunch, I take my daughter with me on my errands after I pick her up from preschool in the evenings. She loves stores and restaurants because she loves being around people. We don't take ourselves too seriously (she's only 21 mo) so we have fun while we run errands. We dance :banana: and play peek-a-boo and copy-cat games. I pretend to race the cart and she loves it. She enjoys it, so she doesn't act up while we're out. 4. I adjust the rearview mirror several times during car trips (at stop lights) :drive: so that my daughter and I can look at each other. We make silly faces and copy-cat each other and it tickles her. She loves it. I also give her a cup of snacks (she loves dry cereal) and her juice sippy-cup and a toy to keep her occupied and happy. 5. I tell my daughter I love :love: her every chance I get (while I'm bathing her, while I'm driving, while we're shopping). And I back it up with lots of hugs and kisses and praise. I know she's receiving it because sometimes she even initiates the hugs and kisses.6. I keep a cup of snacks :popcorn:with me at all times. It's enough to keep my daughter happy and occupied. She doesn't complain or whine as long as she has her snacks. 7. I praise :cheer: any and every good thing my daughter does no matter how small because those are the things I want her to continue doing. She remembers my praises and repeats the good behaviors to get the praise :clap: again. 8. Most of the time, I don't bathe my daughter in the tub. It takes too long on week days. Instead I bathe her on her bed. I put a video on her TV and she watches it over my head while I bathe her. It takes less than 15 minutes to get her undressed, bathed, lotioned, and dressed by doing it this way. 9. When I do bathe her in the tub on the weekends, I take advantage of her being the tub and wash her hair during this time as well. 10. I only fix sippy cups once a week and keep them in the fridge. I have 7 and that usually lasts us the whole week since she eats most of her meals at school. That way, I just grab one in the mornings and have it ready for her when I pick her up from preschool in the evenings and it lasts through her dinner. I do the same of apple sauce cups and snack cups. 11. My daughter is a good eater, not picky. But for picky eaters, this trick may help you. I use it even though my daughter doesn't fight me. I give her the fruit or vegetable part of her meal first, by itself. I don't even let her see the rest of her meal until she's done with the fruit or vegetables. Only when she's finished with that does she get the rest of her meal. 12. I do meals for my daughter that are as quick as possible. I buy foods that come in small cups pre-sealed and keep some in the diaper bag to feed my daughter on the run if we don't make it home in time for dinner. One fruit cup, one applesauce cup, and one vegetable cup are a good dinner when you're not at home and even if you are and need something quick. 13. If I have to be out late in the evenings (for church functions, etc.) I put my daughter into her jammies before we get in the car to go back home. She falls asleep in the car on the way home. By the time we get home, I just have to put her into her bed. 14. I do my yard work on Saturdays while my daughter's napping. 15. I Freecycle, and shop thrift stores and consignment sales for my daughters clothes and toys. 16. I accept anything I can get free from anyone, especially food and clothing and childcare. Our local foster parent association gives us free food once a month as long as we have foster children in our home. One of the local thrift stores gives free clothing to foster children 17. I participate in the Angel Food Network where I can get a box of food :cake: valued at $40-60 for only $25 once per month. I can buy as many boxes as I like. 18. I use the bookmobile that visits my job once a week instead of making trips to the library or bookstore (saves money too). 19. I always get myself up and ready and my daughter's breakfast made before I ever wake up my daughter. 20. Since I try to bathe my daughter at night, we don't have that to do in the mornings. So when I wake her up, the first thing I do is turn a video on in her room. I bring in her breakfast (fruit or applesauce first) and begin doing her hair while she eats her breakfast on her bed. By the time she's finished her breakfast, I'm usually almost done with her hair. I get her dressed and put her shoes on (the video is still on). Then I let her sit for a few minutes watching her video while I put things in the car. When I'm done loading the car, I grad her and we head out. Anyway, these are the things that help save me. Hope they help you as well. I'll add more as I think of them. I hope you all will as well. -Katie

Athikers - I tried the extra padding at night, but my kiddos usually go down around 6:30 or 7:00 and usually don't wake up until 7:00 - 7:30 the next morning. I've not found a cloth diaper that will hold 12 hours of potty yet. One size too big on the disposable ones does the trick pretty well when combined with the plastic pants.

Here are my tips and this is drawn solely from my newbie personal experience of being a foster mom to 3 under 3 for 2 weeks and a foster mom for 2 months..(so take it at your own risk..(lol) Accept help whenever anyone offers....AND EVEN MORE IMPORTANTLY, don't be afraid to ask for help, asking for help is not admitting defeat!!! everybody needs assistance every now and then Don't stress over the little stuff... (i.e. spilled milk) My 1 y/o (Destructo) was sneaking my juice off the table after I told him he couldn't have it.. he got him a good little sip and then tilted the cup back too far and got a face full of juice and quickly drop the cup and then all the juice splashed up so high (he's not that far off the floor) that he got another face full of juice....(he he) ..yeah my carpet was soaked and had a big puddle of heavy staining juice on it, but I got a good laugh...(lol).. I have found that ignoring my 2 y/o (Boogy) tantrums, is way more effective than making a big deal about it...He eventualy realizes that I am not paying him any attention and gives up his tirades..I found tantrum times have been reduced to 5 mins or less....rather than the 20-60 minute tantrums.... I don't put my boys in the bath tub every night.....I usually do it every other night...and in the in between days I wipe them down thoroughly with a wash cloth, soap and warm water..and a lot of times on bath night I bathe them in the baby bath tub instead of putting them in the big tub...it goes a whole lot faster and a lot less water on the floor.... Choose your battles wisely...I'm not saying let the kids get away with everything, but if Boogy wants to take sleep in his house shoes, I let him, I'm not going to have a 30 min argument about it...the longer I argue with him the less time I have to myself for a little breather before I go to bed....and getting to that point it is VERY IMPORTANT TO HAVE TIME TO YOURSELF.... IF YOU DON'T, YOU WILL BURN OUT....even if you only have one kid... My kids are very good eaters, they eat lots of fruits and veggies most days, but if for some reason one night (this happened Sunday) all they want to eat is Mac and cheese for dinner.. I let them because they eat and eat and eat every other meal..it's not going to kill them to do without other foods for one meal..especially if they are going to throw a major production about having to eat their chicken leg tonight....not saying this is something you should do with your kids..just giving examples of choosing my battles wisely....and my kids also eat just about everything (including veggies) at most meals A lot of the time natural consequences are the best form of discipline.... When I go out I let the kids take the disposal (Sip N Toss) sippy cups ...(have already lost a bunch of those expensive playtex ones)...and my Boogy likes to take the tops off and drink out of his cup like a big boy..no matter how much I tell him to leave it on while he's in the car...Well he took the top off yesterday and lost his grip and got a lap full of juice...HE HATES TO HAVE ANYTHING ON HIS CLOTHES, LET ALONE BE SOAKING WET, so his consequence was that he had to ride home wet because I wasn't pulling over to change his clothes just cause he hates it...and maybe next time he'll think twice about taking that top off...(MAYBE..lol) If he continues I'll have to stop the cup in the car thing all together.... I live in the thrift store and on Freecycle..even before I had placements I racked up on shoes, socks (they sell brand new socks in huge bags at my favorite thrift store)..I got ALL my kids furniture (a bunk bed set with chest of drawers) 2 cribs, and a toddler bed all from freecyclers..I also got a 5 strollers..gave some away though and TONS of clothes..and don't be ashamed to take hand me downs....I have 3 boys and my 6 m/o (Giggly Puff) and Destructo both wear the same size 18-24 months..we need all the clothes we can get.... Let them help you clean...even if they are toddlers..Boogy loves to sweep and by george he does a good job..so I let him sweep to his hearts content...I think I am going to go buy him a little minature broom.....he also likes to wipe down the tables..it is also a good way to spend time together while you have to get stuff done....If you like to get on the computer (like I do) set them up a little workstation with crayons and paper or coloring books near you so they can "work" too and it keeps them occupied while you are trying to get some things done on the computer.. The baby carriers (snuglis and back carriers) are the best thing since sliced bread.....I live a 2nd story apartment and I use these to get the kids all up and down the stairs at the same time....It's so much easier than parking the car in front of my apartment and carrying them up one at a time, putting them in cribs and playpens and then running back to the car and parking it and then running back upstairs..I hate to do that..not that I feel something is going to happen to them in the 60 seconds it takes me to park the car, but I just hate it.... Join your local Foster Parent Association. I have found them to be an invaluable asset.....You meet so many GREAT PEOPLE!!!! Make friends with as many FP as you can......they know what you are going through...you're family and friends (although well meaning most of the time) are not always the best source to go to for advice...and PLUS FP are already background screened and you can trade babysitting favors... Give them compliments even for the little things like going potty or being nice to his/her little brother..it helps with self esteem (IMHO) and encourages them to keep doing good things.... I personally use disposal diapers just because I don't have a washer/dryer in my apt.....but I may consider cloth once I move into my house this summer.... I also run errands during lunch, early in the morning after I drop kids off for daycare or just before I pick them up.....It is way too hard to take 3 littles on errands for me.. I always keep a diaper bag full of supplies, toys and snacks in the car....it's too hard to take a bag every time I leave and tote them at the same time....if I already have one in the car it eliminates that problem.....I also take supplies by the month to the daycare....again so much simpler than taking a bag every day for 3 kids... When the kids seem to have a lot of extra energy...and it's still light outside....instead of going straight home if its a workday or just anytime...take them to the park and let them run and play, by the time they get home all they are going to want to do is eat, bathe and sleep.... I agree to tell your kids that you love them....even if they are doing "not so lovable things"..it reassures them that even when they are not making good decisions that you still love them and you are not going to give up on them no matter what... Take time to laugh and don't take life too seriously ....The greatest joy to me is to roll on the floor with my boys while they are all laughing their guts out at my silly faces...my Giggly Puff has the best laugh in the world....

GREAT IDEAS! Sounds like we have similar parenting styles! Good luck with your 3. I can't imagine having 3 under 3, and all boys. I'm sure that's a wild ride! Stay blessed,Katie

Katie - I would bet that you could handle 3 under 3. Currently I have a 16 mo fd, 10 mo fs and 2 mo fs. They are all drug/alcohol exposed, plus 1 has head trauma and 1 severe congenital facial malformation. I am constantly at the pediatrician or specialist for 1 of them. Seems we have appts virtually every day of the week. I admit that I am blessed to be able to work from my home, but that all has to be done during nap times or after bedtime (which really cuts into my ME time - lol). You just take it one day at a time (and some days it's one hour or minute at a time).

Wow, these are all great tips! :) I will be printing some of these things out and keeping them in my handy dandy notebook. We are ALMOST licensed and I will basically be a single foster parent, since my fiance works during the day and then comes home and works from home. Thanks for making this thread OP =)

1. Don't let a toddler keep you from attending church. It's tough in the beginning but eventually they REALLY do learn to sit through a full service. It's wonderful when you realize you are once again able to actually enjoy a worship service (as opposed to wondering why you came as the child's behavior makes you want to cry ).:love:2. Read a bedtime story every night3. Invest in a rocking chair - there's nothing better than rocking your child to sleep.4. Pick a favorite song to sing before bedtime - mine is, "You are my Sunshine". It's a great feeling when the child ASKS for the song..5. Teach your child to pray - no matter how young. I say prayers with my foster son but I also let him say them by himself sometimes. It's so sweet to hear..."Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. May angels watch me through the night and wake me with the morning light". God bless...and we always include his bio mom. Op - Thanks for starting this thread....

Great post vernellinnj! 1. I've tried taking a toddler to church in the past. Now I'm greatful I go to a chuch that provides nursery care (Lil Praisers) during service. I think it can be very hard for little ones to sit through an adult service. With them having a place to go for their age group that teaches them Christian values, it's a much better experience for both the parent and the child in my experience. 2. I read a story to my fd most nights. For story time, I read to her from child devotional books I have called "Dear God Kids." She doesn't understand them, but she likes the books and I believe the words are seeping into her spirit anyway. 3. Do you use a traditional rocker or a glider rocker. I like the gliders much better. Unfortunately, I don't have either right now. I'd like to get a glider, but don't know where I'd put it. 4. Do you not find that singing at bedtime winds up the little ones instead of calming them down? My little one gets so excited when we sing that I would be concerned it would make it harder for her to calm down and go to sleep if we did it around bedtime. But it may just depend on the child. I think my god daughter's mom used to sing "Jesus Loves Me" to her and she did okay. 5. What tips do you have for teaching your toddler to pray? My fd is 21 mo and I'm trying to get her to pray before her meals. I pray over her each day when I put her lotion on after her bath and then I try to pray over her at bedtime as well as I rub her back while she's trying to fall asleep. During the bedtime prayers I pray for her birth family as well. I'd love any ideas for incorporating her into the prayer time as well. She only has a vocabulary of about 10-15 words right now, so getting her to pray seems like it would be challenging. -Katie

Katie - I'm sending you a PM.

1. Don't let a toddler keep you from attending church. It's tough in the beginning but eventually they REALLY do learn to sit through a full service. It's wonderful when you realize you are once again able to actually enjoy a worship service (as opposed to wondering why you came as the child's behavior makes you want to cry ).

Yesterday I had a pretty rough time at church with my boys and I only had 2 of them with me..it was their 2nd time going to a sunday service..the first time was Easter Sunday and they were pretty well behaved..I guess they were still getting used to everything (the Sunday before last I had to take Giggly Puff to the ER) But anyway, the boys were good all through praise and worship, but when they got up to speak...that is when the trouble started..I expected it from Destructo, but Boogy knows better..Boogy kept sliding down on the floor....talking and doing everything but what he was supposed to do......(URRGH!) :grr: I finally just snatched both of them up and went and sat in the nursery (they usually take all the kids to the nursery after Offering time, which had not come yet) I sat in there a few minutes and then the nursery teacher at my church (who is also the boys full time daycare teacher) came and got Boogy and made him go back in the church and sit quietly. He only misbehaves for me, which is really frustrating...I'm not saying he is an angel:wings: for everyone else, but it just seems like he is always fighting for my attention at home with the little kids, that he will try to get it anyway he can and unforunately a lot of that is negative attention. We're working on his behavior...

2. Read a bedtime story every night &

4. Pick a favorite song to sing before bedtime - mine is, "You are my Sunshine". It's a great feeling when the child ASKS for the song..

For my boys..THIS WOULD NOT WORK......I wish it would (cause I love to sing - or at least try to sing..lol) :rockband: It would just make them more excited. They already don't want to go to bed at night. I do read to them, just not at bed time... I have found just laying them down and after prayers hugs and kisses....the best thing to do to get them to go to sleep is just to leave out of the room....if I don't UNLESS I am holding and rocking them which I can't always do...THEY WILL NOT GO TO SLEEP sometimes for hours!!! (the more attention they get from me the least likely they are to go to sleep)..So I do all my singing playing, reading or whatever before it is time to go to sleep....This includes Giggly Puff..I usually feed him his before bed bottle and then put him in his crib and I walk away and he plays with his little keys or whatever until he falls asleep. Someitmes my older boys scream and cry, but when they realize that I am not responding to them they go to sleep..the more I go in their room..the longer it takes for them to go to sleep....

3. Invest in a rocking chair - there's nothing better than rocking your child to sleep.

I love my rocking chair.....I was blessed with a Glider with an Ottoman by a Freecycler ..It's GREAT!!!!

5. Teach your child to pray - no matter how young. I say prayers with my foster son but I also let him say them by himself sometimes. It's so sweet to hear..."Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. May angels watch me through the night and wake me with the morning light". God bless...and we always include his bio mom.

We also pray every night and before meals.....Boogy WILL NOT eat his food before he says his "God is Great!" I give him his food and he says, Ma say the " God is Great!' They like to clap their hands when they pray....

5. What tips do you have for teaching your toddler to pray? My fd is 21 mo and I'm trying to get her to pray before her meals. I pray over her each day when I put her lotion on after her bath and then I try to pray over her at bedtime as well as I rub her back while she's trying to fall asleep. During the bedtime prayers I pray for her birth family as well. I'd love any ideas for incorporating her into the prayer time as well. She only has a vocabulary of about 10-15 words right now, so getting her to pray seems like it would be challenging.

Well fortunately my 2 toddlers came from houses where they prayed.....so they already are familiar with most of the kiddie prayers..They don't know all the words, but I say it with them and they usually repeat or say it simultaneously with me...No, they don't know all the words (and Destructo only has a about a 5 -10 word vocubulary, but he just tries to say whatever he can)..... it does my heart so good to hear them pray... I also pray over my boys and I anoint them with oil... I would say repetition is the best way to learn....it's just like hearing a song on the radio over and over again, before you know it you know all the words and you weren't even trying to learn it......that is how I learned my prayers and my mom wrote it down for me and it help me learn them better....but I could read at 3 y/o so that wouldn't work for most toddlers/preschoolers.... GREAT TIPS EVERYONE!!!!

My internet connection has been down for about a week but Wow! :thanks: I'm amazed at how much you all have shared on this. I thought I would get a few tips but did not expect so much. I am certainly going to print out all of your tips and see if I can use them later. I'm in the final stages of licensing so I can't use this stuff at the moment but its only a matter of time. compelled