a different view on adopting out of birth order

It has "always" been said and we have been "taught", most believe and everyone "accepts" that the adopted child should be the youngest in the home. First lets look at some other things that we were taught, many believed, and what has been accepted as fact in the past.myth 1: there are no homes for children with severe disabilities, they are unadoptablemyth 2: sibling groups have to be split up to be adoptablemyth 3: There are no homes for children over age 8, children over 12 go into long term foster care because there is no hope of adoptionmyth 4: 40 years ago children born out of wedlock were thought to be tainted goods and many would not adopt themmyth 5: it is better for children to stay in foster care than be adopted by a loving family not of their raceNow myth 5 I had personal experience with. I fostered a child from one day old to nine months old when he was moved to a legal risk racially correct adoptive family. I agreed with this at the time because it was what I was "taught", what the "experts" told me, what older adoptive parents told me. I will post another thread about just how wrong this decision turned out to be for this defenseless baby and what happened to him in the system from that point on.I think birth order adoptions is a myth as well. I understand adopting out of birth order takes more work. It takes more preparation. It takes special parents and special bio/adoptive children. It takes caseworkers that will be up front if there are any behaviors that could be dangerous to younger children. It takes being able to talk to the foster parents, counselors, and teachers of the incoming child. It takes strong families that know themselves and know what they can bring to the adoption. Special needs adoptive parents aren't your "average" parents. They are willing to go that extra mile for their child. Sometimes the extra 30 miles without sleep for him/her. They adopt the children that will never speak their first word. The child that will never dress himself. The total care child. Some are good with MMR, autism, ADHD, ODD, or RADD. Some will take children that are dying. Adopting out of birth order is just another special need to be considered. Some adoptive parents can do it. Some will choose to do it. One more child will have a forever family. One less child will go to sleep that night thinking he is not wanted.I would no more try to tell a future adoptive parent not to adopt out of birth order than I would tell them not to adopt out of race because it comes with baggage. Or not to adopt a Down's syndrome child because of the challenges that will come along with the adoption. Adopting an autistic child (to me) would be 10 times as challenging as just going out of birth order. But many people adopt autistic children and are ecstatic over their adoptions. Adopting out of birth order is not right for some families. Adopting siblings is not right for others. Adopting out of race is not something some familes would even consider. But I have seen families adopt every one of the special needs I listed above and many I didn't list, sometimes 4 or 5 different ones in the same adoptive family. These adoptions worked. Adopting out of birth order can be done and done well. You would not adopt and bring home a child with sicle cell anemia without doing research on the best ways to work with that child when he is in home. You would prepare your other children for the extra time that the child would take, and you would prepare yourself and your family emotionally for the jealousy that might come when that child was sick and needed extra time. Adopting out of birth order should be treated the same way. With knowledge of possible effects and preparation of the entire family. Knowing in advance that it won't be easy but that it can be done. I know most on the board don't agree with me on this. I feel strongly about this because I imagine one particular child out there. One waiting for a family. One deserving a family. One child not getting a family because 5,000 familes are all sending in their inquiries in on the under 5 year old children. The familes are waiting years to adopt because they were advised over and over not to adopt out of birth order. The families get frustrated and either drop out of the adoption process, go overseas, or go to a private agency paying $30,000 or more. Meanwhile, the first child just gets older and older in care, going to bed every night thinking no one ever wanted him.