To Be In Love With Someone Who Is Adopted

Brace yourself for a long one, but I do believe the details are necessary to convey the proper image of the way I personally see things. Before I start, I'd just like to give a little background information on the relationship I am currently in with the man I am in love with. I first met him when I was in high school. We were both 16. He was my first love and he told me I was his. Then suddenly he broke off the relationship so abruptly, telling me, " I just don't think it's going to work." I never knew that anything was wrong in the first place, so I was devastated to say the least. That's high school romance for you-so to speak. Whenever I did look back on our relationship, I would I always tell myself that I was way too young to really understand what love was, and got on with the rest of my love relationships. However, and call me a romantic, but no one had ever sent those tingles down my spine in a single kiss but him, and that I never forgot. Back then, he tried to tell me he was adopted me, not straightfowardly, but by saying" I was born in __ country. " I clearly remember saying, we're your parents on vacation? I look back nowand think, gosh how stupid of me. I did noticed that he wasn't the same complexion as his parents, but thought, he and his mother have the same nose and honestly remained somewhat oblivious until after we broke up. We got on with our lives, without ever maintaining even a friendship. And throughout those years I always wondered about him. Fast forward to 11 years later after he broke up with me. He comes into the store I work at. As I was on my way out the breakroom door, he comes whizzing by. I catch a quick glimpse of his profile, and call out his name. Had I left any second sooner or later, I would have missed him completely. Apparently, cupid was on our side. We hit it off right away, but it took quite a bit of effort for him to admit to me that he was falling for me all over again. First he would say things like, "I don't want a relationship" even though his actions clearly showed the opposite. He would call me all the time and wish to see me and tell me that he was so glad we reconnected. He'd make plans with me, get me all excited about seeing him, and then cancel abruptly. At first I thought it was him being fickle, but I finally realized he was testing me. And whenever I would bring up our past relationship, he never wanted to talk about it, saying things like, "why do you have to bring up old stuff for?" and even claims not remembering that he loved me back then. Also in the beginning, he would get nervous and react harshly to me whenever I would tell him things like, "I admire you or I really like you or you make me so happy." HE would say, "Shut up, I don't want to hear this." I truly love him. There are so many things that make him wonderful to be with, but it seems like he is out there to sabotage things. Here are some other problems I am having. This is after almost 2 years into our relationship. I have never met his friends/people in his social circle. He claims that he only has one true friend, and everyone else he hangs out with is not worth meeting. He refuses to get involved with my friends and refuses to meet them. When I tell him about my friends, he says, "I don't care. Your friends mean nothing to me." He constantly tells me, "whatever you do when I am not around is your business. I don't care what you do." He still tends to be fickle. He'd make plans to see me, and then cancel on me, knowing that it would hurt my feelings. And his response would be, "I didn't think it would be such a big deal." Tells me that he loves me-that I am the love of his life and he cannot picture himself without me. But then will be quick to say, "If you leave me, I'll get over it." Remains stone faced and silent when I bring up the problems we are having. Friends tell me, "Are you sure he isn't cheating on you?" and my answer is, "Yes, I am sure." I know deep down in his heart that he loves me and infidelity is not the issue I face with him. That would appear to be an easy explanation to his coldness and his inability to show sensitivity, but I feel the difficulties lie deeper rooted than that. My issue is that he cannot be honest with his true feelings. He will acknowledge that he is wrong, but the cycle repeats itself, as if he refuses to make an effort to correct things. He has told me, "I admire how strong you are. Sometimes I do not know why you are with me. I feel like I do not deserve you." What do I say to something like that? I told him soemthing along the lines, "are you crazy? Despite the roller coatser of emotions you put me through, there is no one else I want. I'm here til the end." I love him. It is a give in, but I find that he is starting to win at breaking me down. I know his intention is not to break me down as a person, but to ruin the relationship consciously or subconsciously, that i cannot really tell. I am willing to deal with these ups and downs because I know in the long run, he is hididng his true self, not just from me, but from himself and to his adoptive family as well. He can be quite rude to his Aparents. He refuses to show up to family functions, and cancels on them as well. Speaks to them in such a harsh tone, that it makes me feel bad to hear it. It seems like he does the same things to them as he does to me. But they put up with it and I do not want to. I really want to address it. But I know he loves his Aparents and he is more willing to be there for them in less emotionally involved occassions or tasks oriented needs like helping his mother with grocery shopping and driving her to church etc. I understand that our relationship, our future together will not be an easy road to take, but I have every intention to be there by his side. How do I get him to realize this? I read on these posts that one shouldn't assume that a person acts up because he/she is adopted. So I do not want to offend anyone here. Just please try to understand where I am coming from. From reading the relationship posts from others who were adopted, they sound just like him. Intentionaly putting up barriers with ones that they love and who love them back. HE told me recently, "You won't understand. NO one ever understands." I told him, "You are right. I will never understand to the extent that I will never have lived life in your shoes and that won't stop me from trying to understand either. But I am here for you." I'm so sorry that this is so long. And really it doesn't sum up everything in the relationship. I just know every little milestone that he has overcome in our relationship has been worth my effort in working with him and being there for him. That is why I am still in it. But that is also why I am here. He is starting to wear me down, and all I want is advice or words of encouragement, or something to validate my effort, as it is taxing on me. I don't know what else to say. But feel free to ask for me to elaborate more if need be. I am not on this site solely myself, so to say. But what I really need to know is if there is anything more I can do for him.