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What has been your experience fostering kids in the 12-18 range? Good, bad, mixed? Does anyone PREFER fostering teens? Tips/advice?
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We enjoy teens, though I try to avoid tweens long term because DD is 11 and short term placments have shown us that she does best with children older/younger by at least 2 years. Pro: can talk and negotiate. Can do lots of activities - zip lining, skiing, horseback riding, pedicures & shopping. Independent. Most in the system for a while are system-wise enough to know they're lucky to be in a family setting vs. group home. Con: all the usual teen stuff - like thinking they know everything, poor mood control, impulsiveness. Also - depression is common and might not be obvious. Genetic component mental health issues like schizophrenia and bipolar tend to manifest most strongly in teens. Eating disorders are also more common than I original ally thought. Their social lives (and dating/ sexual activities) can be complicated. Drugs and/or alcohol issues sometimes. Smoking. Illegal activities. It really depends on the teen. Some of them are amazing and great to have around. They just need a chance and some mentoring. Others are really bad. Screen carefully.
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We love teens!!I know, I know. We are in the process of parenting FOUR babies/toddlers.But, we have a big heart for teens. Every teen we have had we have been able to bond with. All of them have requested to come back for their next respite.Tweens can be tougher. We have NOT had the best luck in that department. BUT, we got REALLY hard tweens. We actually have a teen on her way with some serious issues but we hope to be able to work past that and bond with her too. I will say, we typically do respite for teens- so no long term experience BUT I don't think our experiences would have been any different.My husband and I take a more non traditional approach because we are young. (We are 26...nearing 27)We tend to take a more mentoring role instead of a parenting role, especially with the older teens (17+). We are also very relationship focused and have found with the kids we've worked with if we build up a bond and a relationship, they communicate with us more openly which then gives us the ability to give them guidance on areas that they might not tell us about if we tried to over-parent.Parenting teens in foster care is VERY different than littles. Both are rewarding- just for different reasons.
We currently have 2 tween girls. I've learned to keep them busy and separate as much as possible (thank you forum members who advised me to!) Otherwise they cat fight, argue, snip snap at each other constantly and drive me insane. I know I will not take tween girls ever ever ever again...but we raised all boys so part of that is I am out of my comfort zone..and the other part is annoyance at all the needless drama! We are licensed for 4 to 18 (no babies, no diapers!)...but no more tween girls...I will take a hard headed teen boy any day.
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I am another teen fan here. I do NOT do diapers. We prefer the older teenage boys (not going to take teen girls, although had thought about taking a pregnant teen). We have had the typical teenager issues with some strange ones, but overall I love my boys. I can talk to them about things. We try not to over parent the older ones (we had a couple year period where the youngest kid we had was 17.) and more act as mentors/guides. They call us even after they left (oldest is now 25).
I've only fostered one teen (a 16 year old girl who was part of a sibling group). It wasn't a terrible experience, but as long as we have younger children I wouldn't do it again.
The 16 year old was an emergency placement directly from being taken into care, so we didn't have any information to do any screening. While she didn't have the typical teen problems, she took her anger out about being in foster care and her family's predicament directly at me. She didn't want to cooperate and make the best of it, she just saw me as someone paid to do things for her. She wouldn't listen at all to me or listen to her CW or the judge and argued constantly about why she was taken into care and how unfair/unjust/racist it was.
Prior to this, I would never want to separate siblings, but I completely believe at least when coming into care teens need to be placed separately into different homes than younger siblings to help them adjust and become less dysfunctional. These types of teens are highly parentified and just end up working against the foster parent.
I am glad to see so many positives when dealing with teens. Being 26 I was concerned about being able to parent a teen and gain their respect due to the small age difference. I think it's good we started with littles to gain some parenting experience. We plan to someday take in a teen mom, when I can be at home to help her. I would really love to adopt older teens someday, I can't imagine what its like to age out and have no one to call when things get tough.
mrsmichael33
I am glad to see so many positives when dealing with teens. Being 26 I was concerned about being able to parent a teen and gain their respect due to the small age difference. I think it's good we started with littles to gain some parenting experience. We plan to someday take in a teen mom, when I can be at home to help her. I would really love to adopt older teens someday, I can't imagine what its like to age out and have no one to call when things get tough.
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mrsmichael33
I am glad to see so many positives when dealing with teens. Being 26 I was concerned about being able to parent a teen and gain their respect due to the small age difference. I think it's good we started with littles to gain some parenting experience. We plan to someday take in a teen mom, when I can be at home to help her. I would really love to adopt older teens someday, I can't imagine what its like to age out and have no one to call when things get tough.
We love teens! When we first started out we took little ones under 4 and then one day got a call to do respite for an 11 yr old girl. We loved it and she moved to us as a placement soon after because she didn't fit with her current family. When went on to foster 3 more and were able to adopt one. If I could, I would still be fostering and only taking teens. DH and I just have a way with teens and knowing how to talk to them and guide them. Our AD came to us at 14 yrs old and had spent much of her life in and out of foster care(boo hiss on CPS for allowing that to happen). She and our bio D were born 3 days apart, so now we have 16 yr old twin girls and a 6 yr old AD. To add to the fun, AD is hispanic, bio is blonde and 6 yr old is a red head. Boy do we get the looks!:arrow:
Thanks so much for the replies so far guys. It's encouraging to hear that many of you enjoy teens, and for the reasons that I think I would (mainly that they need more mentoring and guidance rather than diapering and nighttime feedings).
So we aren't parents yet at all. We have no children of our own. What advice would you give for parenting newbies who want to foster teens? And do you think it's really naive for us to start with older kids? Will we be able to handle it?
It's what my heart seems drawn to but I'm afraid I may be incredibly naive about the seriousness of problems I'd have to help guide them through, with 0 parenting experience under my belt. What do you think?
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was a single foster paarent and my first placement was 12 year old boy and 9 year old girl. 12 year old boy had some anger issues but therapy fixed them. I actually preferred tweens to younger kids because they let you sleep in, are a little more independant, but not quite the teen attitude yet. However, be prepared that by age 12, many foster kids have already done drugs or drinking and had sexual experience.
ErickaLambert
Thanks so much for the replies so far guys. It's encouraging to hear that many of you enjoy teens, and for the reasons that I think I would (mainly that they need more mentoring and guidance rather than diapering and nighttime feedings).
So we aren't parents yet at all. We have no children of our own. What advice would you give for parenting newbies who want to foster teens? And do you think it's really naive for us to start with older kids? Will we be able to handle it?
It's what my heart seems drawn to but I'm afraid I may be incredibly naive about the seriousness of problems I'd have to help guide them through, with 0 parenting experience under my belt. What do you think?