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WOW! I had my first ISP (Individual Services Plan) meeting today.
It was an interesting experience. I don't know what I expected. Since Boots (my 21-mo-old fd, my first placement) is one of 4 children (two older and 1 unborn) involved, the other family member guardians (grandmother and great aunt) were there as well. The bio mom showed up too. Her attorney and the GAD were there too. None of the dads were there.
Apparently the bio mom's case has been going on for some time. The two older children have been with family for four years but she's tried to claim them on her taxes and in her applications for assistance. DHR has been involved for 2 years and the case worker is fed up. Although she never officially used the word TPR, she did change the case plan from reunification to permanent family placement with adoption as the back up. Boots' aunt (who has one of the older siblings) says she'd like to have her.
The court date for the custody hearing is June 15 so I guess I'll have her at least that long. Then, I suppose, they'll be trying to transfer her to the aunt. I have to admit, I'm pretty sad. I didn't realize just how attached (I knew I was attached, but not THIS ATTACHED) I'd gotten until I heard that her great aunt wanted her and she'd likely be leaving in a couple of months. Part of me wanted to scream, "NO YOU CAN'T HAVE HER, I WANT HER, SHE'S MINE!" (NOW PLEASE DON'T JUMP DOWN MY THROAT ABOUT REMEMBERING THAT SHE'S NOT ACTUALLY MY CHILD. I KNOW ALL THAT, BUT IT DOESN'T CHANGE MY LOVE AND FEELINGS FOR HER). But I didn't say anything (except when asked). I just sat quietly and listened, taking it all in. I know that the goal of foster care is always reunification with the birth family whenever possible. I just know that they won't be able to provide for her as well as I can. And no matter what, she'll always hold a special place in my heart as my FIRST CHILD.
I did find out that the next baby is due June 6 and DHR (county social services) is going to take it at the hospital. It's by a 4th father (yes, all 4 kids have different dads).
I couldn't believe how quiet the bio mom was during the whole meeting. Even when she was asked what she wanted or if she had anything to say, she said she didn't have anything to say. She never asked about Boots or requested visitation or said she wanted to do better, NOTHING! It was sad. At the end of the meeting, silent tears started to well up in her eyes and roll down her face. Then the great aunt and grandmother had tears in their eyes too. But still, no one had any objections to this woman's kids being taken away. I felt sorry for her (though not too sorry). I wanted to say something to comfort her, but I didn't have a clue what to say. Her lawyer (whom she'd never met before today's meeting) barely said a word during the whole meeting. He did tell her that if she had anything to say that she should speak up now. She still didn't comment. The GAD commented that she obviously loved her kids or she wouldn't have been there. The CW said that her love of the kids wasn't what was in question.
The whole thing was sad, just sad.
Now I'm torn. Part of me wants to take a break from foster care after Boots leaves. But the other part of me is still struggling with letting my cw know I want to take in more kids (See my thread, "Am I Crazy"). I think it'll be easier to deal with her leaving if I still have another one to take care of when the time comes.
Any thoughts?
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kbatesgomez
WOW! I had my first ISP (Individual Services Plan) meeting today.
It was an interesting experience. I don't know what I expected. Since Boots (my 21-mo-old fd, my first placement) is one of 4 children (two older and 1 unborn) involved, the other family member guardians (grandmother and great aunt) were there as well. The bio mom showed up too. Her attorney and the GAD were there too. None of the dads were there.
Apparently the bio mom's case has been going on for some time. The two older children have been with family for four years but she's tried to claim them on her taxes and in her applications for assistance. DHR has been involved for 2 years and the case worker is fed up. Although she never officially used the word TPR, she did change the case plan from reunification to permanent family placement with adoption as the back up. Boots' aunt (who has one of the older siblings) says she'd like to have her.
The court date for the custody hearing is June 15 so I guess I'll have her at least that long. Then, I suppose, they'll be trying to transfer her to the aunt. I have to admit, I'm pretty sad. I didn't realize just how attached (I knew I was attached, but not THIS ATTACHED) I'd gotten until I heard that her great aunt wanted her and she'd likely be leaving in a couple of months. Part of me wanted to scream, "NO YOU CAN'T HAVE HER, I WANT HER, SHE'S MINE!" (NOW PLEASE DON'T JUMP DOWN MY THROAT ABOUT REMEMBERING THAT SHE'S NOT ACTUALLY MY CHILD. I KNOW ALL THAT, BUT IT DOESN'T CHANGE MY LOVE AND FEELINGS FOR HER). But I didn't say anything (except when asked). I just sat quietly and listened, taking it all in. I know that the goal of foster care is always reunification with the birth family whenever possible. I just know that they won't be able to provide for her as well as I can. And no matter what, she'll always hold a special place in my heart as my FIRST CHILD.
I did find out that the next baby is due June 6 and DHR (county social services) is going to take it at the hospital. It's by a 4th father (yes, all 4 kids have different dads).
I couldn't believe how quiet the bio mom was during the whole meeting. Even when she was asked what she wanted or if she had anything to say, she said she didn't have anything to say. She never asked about Boots or requested visitation or said she wanted to do better, NOTHING! It was sad. At the end of the meeting, silent tears started to well up in her eyes and roll down her face. Then the great aunt and grandmother had tears in their eyes too. But still, no one had any objections to this woman's kids being taken away. I felt sorry for her (though not too sorry). I wanted to say something to comfort her, but I didn't have a clue what to say. Her lawyer (whom she'd never met before today's meeting) barely said a word during the whole meeting. He did tell her that if she had anything to say that she should speak up now. She still didn't comment. The GAD commented that she obviously loved her kids or she wouldn't have been there. The CW said that her love of the kids wasn't what was in question.
The whole thing was sad, just sad.
Now I'm torn. Part of me wants to take a break from foster care after Boots leaves. But the other part of me is still struggling with letting my cw know I want to take in more kids (See my thread, "Am I Crazy"). I think it'll be easier to deal with her leaving if I still have another one to take care of when the time comes.
Any thoughts?
I don't have any words of wisdom, as I am new at this myself...but I would say that if you plan to continue to foster and hopefully adopt, I would call the cw and tell her you want to be placed with another child....I wish all of mine could stay..but I know the reality is that just isn't going to happen....
I haven't met any of my kids bios , but I will probably meet my 2 oldest boys parents (or at least their mother - bio dad is incarcerated) on May 2nd when they have the TPR advisory meeting..I'm kinda nervous....from what I have been told neither of my two have any memory of her....but I don't think that is all that true concerning the 2 y/o..she visited him at his paternal gma's on a monthly basis....He knows his mom is white....and he knows that I am not his "mommy"....but I am his "mama" he makes a very clear distinction..he always refers to his mom as mommy and me as mama..My 1 y/o was taken at birth and doesn't know who she is....
I know I am probably going to cry..and be all nervous....What do you say to someone whose children you will be raising because they didn't do what they needed to do to get them back?
It's so sad!!! They are filing for TPR on her last 3 kids..... (my boys have an older brother who lives with another foster family and 2 older sisters already adopted) She already voluntarily signed away her rights on her two oldest girls....She may do the same this time...
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