celebrity adoptions

Having been in reunion for 14 months with my son and seeing the enormous pain that (closed) adoption has brought him, I can't help but feel angry/irritated that these people are going to have one big headache when the child/ren are in teenage years and suffer from an identity crisis. I sincerely hope they are prepared for the complex issues that adoption brings a child. From what I can see on this forum/website, there are so many that hit problems at the sensitive teenage years and I hope that celebs have enough insight and training into understanding that the child may miss their bmom/dad, wish to know about them, have read the Primal Wound, etc etc. Knowing now that social workers now admit that adoption has not been the happy ever ending they thought it was 30 years ago, that it brings its own painful and complex issues and seeing the emotional mess my son is in (he searched and found me) - I can only go on my experience and relate to others that express themselves on these posts - adoption brings much pain to the members of the triad in one way or another and the press portray these celebs as giving adoption a cursory glance before going ahead with it. Of course, that would be naive to believe everything one reads, but as I said, I sincerely hope the celebs are prepared for some pretty rough rides ahead. I think this website is testimony to much pain in various members of the triad. Thats my cents worth.

I am an adoptee. I think in a way Angela is doing a good thing for adopting these less fortunate children but at the same time, I dont think she is thinking about the reprecussions down the road. These children may want to know their birth parents down the road and vice versa. What will she do then?

I can't pretend to know what's going on in celebrities' minds regarding their intentions in adopting, but it seems more like publicity stunts than anything. Also, it annoys me that they adopt internationally (and usually babies) when there are plenty of kids of all ages in their own countries who need loving families. While I do not oppose interracial adoptions, it makes me uncomfortable to think about the fact that children who are not racially similar to their adoptive families will have more identity problems growing up than your average adoptee.

While I rather like the publicity that adoption is getting -- maybe encouraging more "regular" people to adopt -- I agree that it does seem more like it's for publicity than actually a desire to have a child. But I suspect that's the case with a lot of celebrities that get pregnant, too -- it's a huge trend to be a mom in Hollywood right now, from looking at the covers of the magazines I see in checkout lines. Being a mom should not be a trend. It should be a lifelong commitment, and if celebrities are really committed to their kids, it's fine to have them -- whether by birth or adoption. Unfortunately, it seems like all too many of them are likely dumped with nannies and rarely see their parents.

I'm not an adoptee but I have to agree with Jaenelle on this one. Whether it is by birth or adoption, having kids is "the thing" right now in Hollywood. Just take a peek at the covers of magazines right now and over the last year or two. It is kind of sad too. I bet a lot of them (birth or adopted) get dumped with nannies and not just because mom/dad are busy but because the child wasn't "really" what they wanted. Kids shouldn't be a trend or the "hip hollywood" thing. Sad. These stars have a heartache to deal with later on whether they gave birth or adopted. :o

I think we should be careful and not assume things for these celeberaties. We don't live in their lives as they don't live in ours and shouldn't assume anything about us. If children are getting a wonderful, loving home to grow up in that is all that matters to me. I think in some aspect that the celebs are showing some light on adoption. We are all human beings and have the right to complete our family anyway we want. I wish I had their money so I could have a dozen children running around my house.

Yes, me too!

I agree with you that we have to be careful in not assuming anything with these celebrities and I think you are right that a loving home is a good start for many children that are adopted. However, having my son find me and my finding him 28 years on with the defensive mechanisms due to adoption as described by Nancy Verrier's The Primal Wound, Coming back to self, I think its all too true and sad that adoptees do grow up with complex issues arising from adoption and sometimes love from an adoptive mother is not enough to stop those issues from arising (no blame being apportioned here, its just what happens). Whether the adoptee expresses it by acting out or being compliant, I wish that all adoptive mothers are aware of this and I think the contributions to this thread is trying to highlight this. As a birthmother, I applaud adoptive mothers for what they take on and the terrific job many do in raising their sons/daughters. What I do find sad in my case and its been noted elsewhere and I don't think that my son is an isolated case, that despite the love and commitment to their adopted children, adoption brings such complicated issues in later life. I think most of us would hope that celebrities are aware of this and get through the crucial teenage years when this is likely to happen. As highlighted already, one would hope that they are ready when the cute baby/child stage is passed and the crux of adoption issues surfaces when they reach adolescence and start questioning their identity and origins. No offence meant, but I think there is considerable concern here. I think adoptees more than anyone know what I mean.

My feelings are probably extreme, but I'm a little ashamed to admit that I agree with this sentiment. I don't want to have my own kids because I feel there are more than enough people on the planet, but I don't want to adopt because I'm terrified that my child would have the same issues that I did; I would not wish that sort of existence on my worst enemy. Of course I don't oppose adoption, but I don't think I could ever inflict it on a child (and, by extension, a birthmother). What does not kill us may make us stronger, but it would have been nice not to be in a situation that posed a threat to my health and well-being in the first place. Note: I'm a bit bitter right now as I'm just starting to work through the emotions I've been feeling for so long. Since I can't let them out in the way I used to, i.e. acting like a child, I get very frustrated at other things and channel it that way. I do not mean to offend anyone with my post, just offering my admittedly pessimistic views, which will most likely change as I heal.

FauxGina,Through your efforts, I am at an extremely good place with my son now. I was at my wits end wondering how to help him with his emotions and the destructive mechanisms in place that are hindering him from a fulfilling life and from a relationship with me. Thanks to you and your PM detailing Verriers follow up book, Coming Home To Self, my son and I are at a good place to be. Like yourself, there is so much bitterness, anger and healing to be worked through from both sides for us. As I've been going through an extremely difficult reunion and a son that has held back enormously, I'm pleased to be able to tell you that yesterday, I had the most fabulous email from him, which was so moving and so heartfelt in his trust for me, that I am not willing to share it with anyone!!!! simply because its so precious. That my dear friend, is due to you, because YOU made the effort to contact me and give me something precious. YOU have made a difference to us as a mother and son. I want you to take heart with that. I don't think I could ever, in my lifetime, get any letter that could match the one that was from deep within my sons heart ... I've been able to reach him and he trusts me and we are going to work through the book Coming Home To Self. I'm going to encourage his amom too, if possible with it, as its a crying shame that after 29 years she can't get anywhere near him and its those defense mechanisms due to adoption. Its no-ones fault, but Verrier lifts the lid off it and I could phone my son with confidence and say "I now know what is going on" - the relief for him, was enormous. So I can say to you now, yes, the bitterness, the pain, its awful. But the triumph when you get there. I hope you will keep in touch with me and/or PM me, because again, thanks to you giving me seemingly an innocuous piece of information - the title of a book and the efforts you made to send some snippets of what is what about, has moved mountains. I wish the same for you. Love and (((hugs))) my dear friend. I hope I can be here for you. Very much so. Thanks again

Thank you so much for your kind words, Jannyroo! I'm so thrilled that you and your bson are finally on steadier ground. It's solid proof to you that your bson was acting out, and that he really does want to have a relationship with you on an adult level. I, too, hope that he and his amom can work out their relationship. There's a lot of distance between them, but you know from personal experience that a mother's love knows no bounds. I think once he starts making the changes he needs, it will make it easier for her to approach him (and for him to approach her). Thanks, too, for your encouraging words. I know that I will eventually heal, but it's good to hear it from a person who's living it. I'm glad that such a simple act of sharing information helped you get on the path to a happier, healthier, more fulfilling relationship with your precious son. Please keep me updated, as I'm keen to hear about your experiences! Love and hugs to you, too, Jannyroo. I'll be in touch!

Here's an idea. What if you posted your recommendations on these celebrities' websites? Let them know what happens years later.