Confirmation From God About Adopting

I'm coming to this with a different thought, perhaps. I completely understand what you mean with your hesitation in open adoption. It isn't for everyone; and not every adoption is 'best' when conducted as an open or semi-open adoption. I'll second the poster who mentioned that not every situation will be semi-open, or open. There are still many birthmothers who wish to have a closed adoption....and your agency should reflect your level of comfort with the kind of adoption you and a birthmother might want. If it doesn't I'd suggest working with another agency----or at least dealing with another agency (along with this one) who will allow you to approach adoption as individual as you are, KWIM? (I hate that agencies try to put their own stamp of what's acceptable on everyone's experience!) But, in seeking God's Will for you..........maybe you need to search your own hearts to decide exactly what might be making you hesitant to adopt. If it's the 'agency making the decisions for you, rather than what you and birthparents want'....I can fully understand and encourage you NOT to take THIER decision as 'gospel', so to speak. BUT..........are there perhaps other reasons that are making you hesitant? If the foster to adopt possibilities are making you hesitant....this may be the Lord telling you this kind of stuff isn't for you either. For us, our first adoptions were international. Two babies and many years later, we felt the leading to go Foster-Adopt, and did. After adopting three boys in two separate adoption experiences-----and none turned out well for us,--- sometimes, I wonder if we didn't mis-read what we felt God was leading us to? One day I hope to know....... At a time when many would have thrown in the towel on adoption altogether, we felt the leading to go back to baby adoption (private agency, transracial). In the last six years, we've brought home three AA babies and I tell you, we feel immensely blessed. We also feel as though this is where the Lord led us, and now we feel we're complete in our adoptions. Fostering to adopt is NOT easy......it's not for the faint of heart (as someone already pointed out)..........so if there's any 'guilt' at all for not going this route, realize it's NOT for everyone. However, there are other ways to adopt and many, many entities to use in order to achieve it. FWIW, I have my own list of suggestions I'll be glad to pm to you if you'd like. But, realize that adoption is done so many different ways---just because your first thoughts on 'how to do it' might seem null and void, doesn't necessarily mean adoption is completely out for you. My best to you.... :) Sincerely, Linny

In our situation, God told us just as plainly as if He had sent a written message that we should pursue adoption, and which agency we should use. All the paperwork fell into place, our homestudy was complete in record time, even our CW mentioned that she felt God was working in our lives to get things going....and now we have had radio-silence for almost a year. I think we are still on the right path, because I cannot deny the promptings that I have received so far, but I don't know what else I can do but wait. I don't feel that God is telling me NOT to continue, so my plan is to progress until I hear something from Him one way or another. My advice would be keep going until you hear otherwise; and be sure to keep that avenue of prayer open, in case He is trying to send a message, that your heart will be open to hear it.

I was listening to DR James Dobson 10 years ago & God spoke to me through him. He was interviewing a family who had 20 children;10 biological & 10 adopted. I can't remember the exact details of the interview but I remember that there was a member of the audience who was also adopted. He spoke to them about his love for his adoptive parents. I felt at that moment that God spoke to me & that after 6 months of trying to decide whether to continue fertility treatments or to start the adoption process, I knew immediatly that His path for us was adoption. As soon as I got to work, I called my husband & gave him my decision & 10 months later our beautiful son was placed with us (he was 2 1/2). We went through DCFS Adoptions. 7 years later we adopted our DD through Fost/Adopt. Good luck with your decision & listen to your heart. God is speaking to you. Sometimes we just have to slow down to hear what He has to say. It took me over 6 months to hear him.

Oh, yes! We've been there, too. I was in anguish over adopting; yes, we were open to the idea of more children, but the adoption options we had open to us were very daunting, to say the least. For me it boiled down to fear. Since God is not the author of fear I knew that being fearful was sinful. Once I realized that I was afraid of what might happen once we adopted, I knew how to deal with it. It took me awhile to figure out that it was actually fear, though. There is a difference between fear and caution. Caution is when you do your research, know the possibilities, make an informed decision, put safety plans into place, and go forward or not. Once you move forward (or not) God will direct where He wants you to move. Fear is when you do nothing, dithering and crying, unable to do ANYTHING.I'm not saying that you are being fearful; rather I'm sharing what I struggled with when we were working to adopt. This was MY experience, and I'm hoping something in it can help encourage you in whatever path God has for you.On the OTHER hand, Dh and I were really struggling and wrestling with a decision of our own lately. This may sound odd to post about here, but we were struggling with the decision to NOT adopt more children. We are in the position of having adopted from foster care, and also having adopted a relative from foster care. One of our adopted children's bio mom had another baby who is now in foster care, and our relative who is the bio mom of one of our kids has also had another child who is now also in foster care. At this point neither is being placed adoptively, but there is that possibility in the future; as well as the possibility of more children being born to the bio parents of any of our adoptive children. Since we've adopted siblings of these children we are some of the first people approached when they want to place these little ones adoptively.Dh and I are not getting any younger, either! We also have a small house. We homeschool and have 3 children with identified special needs. So I'm busy, Dh and I do have alot on our plate. But it is ok to say no? We really struggled with this!We discussed this with an elder in our church and used him as a sounding board. Long story short, it is ok to say no, and we are at peace with that decision. I was so very relieved. (Again, I know this isn't what those who are waiting to adopt want to hear about, but it IS the flip side of the same coin.)That's one way I know the decision is valid; I felt relief and peace when we came to the decision and stated it. Dh and I are in accord, and at peace.So, keep seeking until YOU and your Dh are in accord and at peace. Do you have an elder or minister with whom you can consult? Sometimes just having a 3rd party with whom you can discuss the pros and cons can really help, but only if you have a sounding board who has your same philosophy of life. So if you are a Christian I would suggest getting a Christian perspective, not a secular one.

I don't think one needs to have confirmation, but it sure is helpful! In our case, I don't think we'd be adopting the specific child we were led to adopt, unless God had confirmed it in the miraculous way that he did...

Just remember that God already has your child(ren) picked/planned for you. We have a semi-open with our first and closed (bmom's choice) with our second. I have to say I was disappointed when I found out our dd's bmom wanted a closed adoption. I didn't even get a name or a picture. In our semi-open we send pictures and updates to the agency for our bmom and she does the same. It works out fine. I don't know how your agency does it but I will admit I wasn't sure I could handle open either. I now know that I welcome it. Do what you feel comfortable with...you will find once you are in a situation your feelings will evolve. Again...God has a plan for you...you will figure it out. Sounds like you're stressing. Best wishes and I will be praying for you!

It's been a month since I posted the initial post and I want to thank you all for your input. Right after I posted I began to feel better. As I was writing I began to remember different things and events that were God's hand in leading us to adoption. Now I'm back on track and we're proceeding with adoption. Our homestudy is now complete and we're approved. I became fearful after reading several negative open adoption situations. One was an article in the Los Angeles Times and the one that pushed me over the edge was a thread on this forum where the birthmother and adoptive mother were having a horrible relationship. The birthmother told the adoptive mother that she wasn't a good mother and the adoptive mother was then trying to decide on whether or not to maintain contact. The agency we're going through does semi-open adoptions where we send pictures and updates through the agency and I feel fine with that. All the books say that open adoption is best so there's pressure to "do the right thing." I think the right thing is trusting God and for my husband and I to take it step-by-step. Should we and the birthmother decide to make it open after finalization we're able to do that as well. I'm back to trusting God! Thanks so much!

I'm so glad you're doing better...

I'm glad you are doing better, too. Remember, there are always horror stories. Horror stories in any part of life. Just keep trusting in God and He will lead you.

So glad I found this post, not that I have any 'fears' per se, but I NEVER read this forum catergory, I read many others though...reading this REaffirms to me who is in control and who always has been. God has moved in/around/through my life so many times, sometimes His steering makes no sense until the 'ah ha' moment. I KNOW I was led to this post htis am..we are in the waiting phase of our adoption and know this thread in some way lets me know He is near, like someone said God has already chosen our baby for us so we know they are coming. My personality is a little controlling so I think I haven't truly let go and let God yet, but I'm getting there... Thankyou

Lisa, welcome to our forum! Feel free to come back anytime. Try and remember that God's plans are bigger and better than our own!

We have had so many confirmations from God regarding the adoption of our son from Taiwan. We serve an awesome God! :) Anita

We had several confirmations during our process too. Most sermon, scriptures, and Bible studies told us the same thing. I was afraid of many things and one year after placement, I still have a few fears.

Wisdom-In our first adoption, God led us through it all most definitely. From the time we became active until we got our TWINS (we were there for their births and they roomed in with us, it was perfect!) was almost exactly 9 months, strange, huh? Also, we are adopting again. It has been a long hard wait this time but we knew this since we were asking specifically for a little girl this time. Our agency has said the birthmothers are asking for parents with no children most of the time. We had decided that back in July, we would take our names off the list since this would be our 2 year anniversary of being active on the list again. We prayed that is God intended us to continue with adoption that he would give us a sign. We got a call on June 29th that we were chosen. That birthmother did eventually change her mind, but we knew He had plans for us. It did send me into a bit of a depression although reading His word did comfort me. Finally, I prayed this prayer "Lord if you want us to adopt, please give us a sign, if you don't want us to and it's something we are doing selfishly, please close the doors for us but I need a definite sign." At 4 in the morning, one of boys (the one who has never acknowledged that we are trying to get a little girl) came and climbed in the bed with me, looked me right in the eye and said "Mommy, I'm going to have a little sister!" So, after I got over the chills and fell asleep, the next morning I told my husband what had happened, he asked was that enough of a sign? Of course, it was. But later that day, the agency called us to tell us we were chosen again and she wanted us to go to the doctor with her. I think the Lord was smacking me in the face a bit just to let me know it was definitely a sign. I think that if this situation doesn't work out for us (I have no reason to think it won't but you never know) then I will know for sure that God intends us to adopt again, our baby just hasn't been conceived yet and I need to be more patient. Also, our first adoption was semi-open also, like you said your agency was. I don't feel there is any competition at all, our birthmother made us feel at ease about this from the start. She said we are the boys mommy and daddy and she is their birthmother. I think that says it all. I will pray for you that you find peace in whatever decision you make and that God can lead you in the right direction by opening or closing doors to you to help you know which way to go. Good luck and you are in my prayers!!

This is a lot to post, but I was unable to share the link to our blog on adoption.com because it has fundraising info on it. If anyone would like to see our blog, I would be happy to email the link to you. We are adopting a baby boy from Taiwan. Here is our story of how God has confirmed over and over for us:Adopting a child has been the desire of our hearts for over 10 years now. Our names are Jarrod(35) and Anita(35). We have one daughter, Matilyn, who is almost 3 years old. Our son Matthew is nearing one. We had our first appointment to begin our home study four years ago when we found out that I was pregnant with Matilyn and decided to put the adoption on hold for a while. It was clear that God had placed the desire to adopt in our hearts, but it just wasn’t the right time.Matilyn grew and captured our hearts, and then along came Matthew, who filled our home with more smiles and laughter. Once we had Matthew into a nice sleeping routine, Jarrod and I once again felt that it was time to begin praying about and researching adoption. We know that it can take several years to bring our child home, and we didn’t want there to be too much time between our second and third child.Since 4 years had passed between our first adoption “attempt” and now, we felt that we should research countries and agencies again. We had previously decided to use CCAI to adopt from China. We began to research countries in July 2007. As we continued to pray and research, we found and fell in love with Taiwan. We are so happy that God moved us to research countries again! Everything about Taiwan adoption seems to be the perfect fit for us: the ability to choose foster care or an orphanage; the potential to meet the birth-giver and to have some health history for our child; the possibility that one day our child might be able to find their birth-giver if he so desires; the wonderful care and love that the children receive in Taiwan; the length of stay in country, which is less than most others; and the possibility of adopting a boy, since he will be closer in age to Matthew. All of these things, and mostly that God is leading us to Taiwan, made it the perfect choice for our family.Great! By the end of July we had found our country. Now, where to find an agency? Next, we joined several incredible Yahoo! groups. Reading all of the member’s posts and suggestions regarding agencies was exciting. We began to call to request information packages. After receiving packets from two different agencies and speaking with them on the phone, we started to become quite frustrated. We had ruled out all of the other agencies with Taiwan programs for one reason or another. And the two from which we received packets just didn’t seem right for us. Continuing to pray about the situation, we “happened across” another agency. We spoke with several different agency representatives on the phone and via email, and we read everything that we could find about them. Jarrod and I knew without a doubt that we had found our agency! I can’t even begin to explain the feeling of relief.Next, we began to think about how we would know for SURE when we should begin the process, and if we could even successfully raise three children. We are just beginning to get into the “swing of things” with Matilyn and Matthew. It truly would not be an issue for us to have a third child if all we wanted to do was get our children to adulthood by clothing them, feeding them, getting them from point A to point B, and educating them. However, Jarrod and I have decided to make it our highest goal to raise spiritual champions. Knowing that this is our goal, we had to have a plan and to be intentional about living it out. We are aware that the final outcome is up to the Lord, and our goal is His desire for them as well. However, we know that we have a responsibility to do our best to achieve the goal of raising godly children. It doesn’t usually happen by default. Thus, we would need to have quantity as well as quality individual and family time to devote to each of our children. Do we really have within us what it takes to achieve this awesome goal? After much prayer, God’s answer to us has repeatedly been to step out in faith, and He will provide for all of our needs. We continued to pray for God’s guidance……On August 17th, I had a very interesting dream. We were living in Tennessee, there was a HUGE hurricane coming. We just felt that we should go to Baton Rouge to weather the storm (Jarrod’s family lives there). The storm was HUGE and was due to hit all of the southeast, even Tennessee to some mild extent. It was, however, headed straight towards Louisiana. In the dream, someone that we know (who lives here in our home town) told me that they didn’t know why we were going to Baton Rouge and that it just “didn’t make sense” (since the hurricane would be passing right through Baton Rouge). We left anyway believing that we would be safe in Baton Rouge and feeling like God was directing us to go there. It was interesting because when we arrived at Jarrod’s dad’s house we could look out of his window and see the ocean. It was like we were in New Orleans. I remember that we were watching the weather channel to decide when it would be best to return to Chattanooga and the hurricane was about to hit Baton Rouge when I was awakened. NOW…..I told Jarrod about the dream in detail when I awakened, because I thought that it was so strange. We lived in Charleston, SC for quite some time, and I don’t remember ever having a hurricane dream while we lived there. I had not even heard about any hurricanes this year. Anyway, later Friday evening (same day as the dream), I spoke on the phone with the person from my dream about our adoption plans. This person doesn’t seem to be completely against our adopting, but I know that they don’t see how it will happen financially since they know that we don’t have an extra $25,000 to$30,000 available to pay for the adoption expenses. So during our discussion, they told me that they didn’t see how we could adopt and it just “didn’t make sense” how it could happen. The same thing that they said in the dream!! Late Friday night, I got online to see postings on the Adopting From Taiwan Yahoo! group about a category 4 typhoon (Taiwan’s equivalent of hurricane) due to hit Taiwan that day! I posted that I would pray for Taiwan and for those in the adoption process. Just after I posted, the dream came back to me! The HURRICANE(Typhoon) was hitting Baton Rouge (Taiwan). It didn’t make any sense that particular person what we are planning to do (at this point), but we went to the hurricane location anyway following God‘s leading! I told Jarrod about it, and we both got chills. I called a friend who is very grounded in the Word to make sure that I wasn’t reading too much into it. She truly felt that it was a message from the Lord about our adopting from Taiwan. I know that some of you may find this strange, but we serve an awesome God who can speak to us in any way that He chooses. Nothing in the dream seemed to go against what God says in His Word, and actually supports His views. He loves orphans and knows that we are open to His leading, so it just makes sense that He would direct us to add our next little miracle to our family through the process of adoption.Within the next few days, one of our dear friends reminded me of how Abraham had to leave his comfort zone, all that he had ever known, in order to follow the Lord. Abraham had to take one step at a time following God daily, even if it meant leaving the familiar. She then proceeded to tell me to take each next step until God “shuts the door”. The very next day I received an email from someone on one of the Yahoo! groups. It was her first email to me. She shared the following: “My local social worker has always told me to pursue until the door is closed. If the door closes, it’s not in God’s plan.” (Thanks, Kaye!). And there we have it; another confirmation!OK. Not that I didn’t hear God speaking loudly, but I just want to know that I know that we are hearing from God correctly. So I continued in prayer, this time asking for a specific “sign.” I love how God has this great sense of humor with me even when I keep asking and asking. I know, I know. How much MORE clear could He be?! Well…..Jarrod and I were starting to fill out our application, even as I continued to ask for my sign. We were on the couch and for SOME reason Jarrod decided to change the TV channel to one that we have never watched before tonight, Discovery Home. I don’t even know what the show was, but within a minute of turning the channel, I hear him say, “you are NOT going to believe what I just saw! The host of this show was standing in front of a sign that said TAIWAN!” I was a bit skeptical thinking “were his contact lenses working well this late in the evening?” I am soooooo glad that we have a DVR. I said “QUICK, REWIND IT!” He did, and there it was ON A SIGN!!! (I know that God must have been chuckling and enjoying answering me in this way!) And not only did it say Taiwan, it said TAINAN, TAIWAN! (For those of you who don’t know, that is the orphanage location that we have felt led to go, which is called St. Lucy Center). The Discovery Home program was not being filmed in Taiwan, and it appeared to be some sort of landscaping/home show. Well, HERE’s Your Sign! Now, I had no more questions for the Lord. If I didn’t get it this time, there was no hope for me! *Lol*!!God was even gracious enough to address every concern that I had during a Bible study that I attend on Thursdays, called BSF (Bible Study Fellowship International). My three concerns were: 1) Should we begin the adoption process to Taiwan now (Obviously He has already addressed this one very well!); 2) How are we going to pay for the adoption; and 3) Will we be safe traveling so far from home? Our teaching leader spoke Thursday morning and this is what she said: “God guides, God provides, and God protects His own!” WOW! God guides: He clearly guided us to take the first step of faith to begin the adoption process. He provides: He will provide for all of our needs in the process including financially. While we can’t currently “see” how this will happen with our physical eyes, He has confirmed it to be true. She also reminded us that God delights when we turn to Him for help just as I delight to give my child all that I can when they approach me asking for my help. But, unlike my own resources, God’s resources are unlimited. God protects His own: He will keep us safe during our travels. Now, on to the timing. When should we begin this incredible process to bring our baby home? When should we mail the application and make it official? We were hoping that our next child could be around 2 years younger than Matthew. We learned that the wait for a healthy infant boy was steadily increasing in Taiwan. Then, on September 16th shortly after Jarrod left for work, I decided to check my email. Initially to my horror, I received an email announcing that the adoption agency God had chosen for us would only be accepting applications until October 15th only, at which time they would place a moratorium on new applications for at least 6 months. Jarrod and I prayed during the day. By the end of the day, we knew in our hearts that the time is now! I called to set up meetings to interview social workers for our home study. We spent the next few weeks completing the application packet, which included a letter of introduction from our family to the orphanage and possibly to the child’s birth-giver. We also created duplicate scrapbooks with approximately 15 photos of our home and family activities. On October 2, 2007, we were happy to announce that the application packet was on it’s way to our agncy. After a brief scare that it had been lost, Laura confirmed that it was actually received by the agency today! We are currently awaiting their official approval in order to begin our home study. We celebrated tonight as a family! We are so excited to begin this awesome journey and look forward to getting to know many of you along the way!