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Hi you all I am an adoptive mom and would love to hear honest but respectful answers to my question. My son is three now and we no longer have an open adoption due to birthmom stepping back for very valid reasons. I want to express that I welcome her coming back into our lives when she is ready and her children are comfortable with the situation. My son who is 3 understands that he is adopted. My question is why adoptees referr to their moms as "amoms" when they have been their moms.
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I have used aparents at this site for clarification purposes. When I'm talking about my aparents in my life I refer to them as my Mom and Dad. When I'm talking about my bmom... I refer to her as my bmom.. even though I call her Mom as well. I feel that BOTH my mothers deserve that title. Since my bfather is not in my life...there's no confusion there when I'm talking about my dad.... sal
I agree with the above posters. I refer to my family as afamily here and mother as amother and so on and so on but they are my family and my mother is my mother. When trying to describe a certain situation here, it's easier to seperate the two with the 'a' and the 'b'. But again, it's only for posting purposes.
Great question . . . I an adoptive mom and an adoptee and I wonder if someday my own daugther is going to refer to me as "grandma" instead of "mom" (because of the bio relationship we have). I just want to be mom - nothing else! My mom (I'm dropping the A so you understand she is my mom) does not like anyone stepping into the "mom limelight" including my birth mom. My birthmom is not my mom and I do not call her mom. However, she did give birth to me so that gives her the right to be called mom (I just don't call her mom). Is this confusing yet?
I never refer to my mom as A mom in public or in verbal discussions . . only on-line.
I only use amom and bmom in environments like this. Clarification only. If I referred to my bmom as Alice (like I do in real life) people here would be questioning who Alice is. However, I would say that in real life I refer to my amom as Jolene instead of mom -- and that would leave you all wondering who that is. Samantha
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Dragonfly,
I'm 29, if I want to call the woman who gave birth to me mom as well as my adoptive mom, that is my choice right? My amom knows I don't do it to slight her. Heck my first mom doesn't want contact with me.
My feelings for my mom aren't diminished b/c of a name. I have friends that call my mom mom... that doesnt' mean they love their mom any less. My mom and dad called their parents in law mom and dad... that doesn't mean they loved their parents any less.
Your kids know that you are their mom... you know you are their mom... Isn't that what is important?
I am also with the majority. The ONLY time I ever refer to my Momma as Amom is here or for clarity. IRL she is simply Momma, no ifs ands or buts about it and NO One in the wolrd could ever change that. I could never ever bring myself to call Bmom Momma or mother or any other word that would refer to her as the woman who raised me. The truth for me is Bmom is NOT my Momma, she may have given birth to me, but to me (and this how "I" feel) she could NEVER be my Mother. It's not that I don't love or care about her, but I love her like an aunt or close friend, not ever mother.
EZ
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I do it online for clarification.
My amother forced me to call her 'mum', within days of my adoption.I do mean forced, threatening me with violence until I complied. I'm sure this is unusal, thankfully. As an adult, I choose now to call her by her 'real' name, when I have to deal with her (which I choose no longer to do) My bmother for me has always been 'mum' mostly due to the aggressive behaviour of my amother.
I am a birthmother - but don't define myself by the title. I have three children (one being my birthson) but I rarely define him by that title either.
I gave birth to him so biologically I am his Mother.....but he calls me Ann. When introducing him to someone who is close to me I say "this is my son"...otherwise I use his first name.
It's not the titles that define us - it's the emotional attachment. Don't jump hurdles before you reach them dragonfly - preguessing what will happen in the future with your little ones is a stab in the dark. Open conversation about adoption and everyones role, and making sure they know you are not afraid of adoption-related communication would be my No 1 best advice to adoptive parents. My 36yr old son so wanted to talk about his feelings, but when he was thwarted each time he learnt to keep silent to save the parents embarassment and discomfort.
Ann
I am with the majority here as well. I only call my mom, amom, here. I have never refered to her as my adoptive mom, unless clearing up a question. She is my mom, has been since the first day she held me, and will continue to for the rest of my life. Last night I was talking to a bcousin, and she asked me where my mom was...and without even thinking, I was like she's at home. And she's like WHERE!? And I'm like at my house. She meant my bmom. I realized that...and was like OH you wanted to know where D is! I call my bmom by her first name. When I am talking about her IRL I often add a MY D to it....to distinquish that she's part of me. I have never thought of her as my mom since reunion, but I do realize that she is a mother to me. She has a mother's heart towards me, and has loved me since the first day that she held me as well. (probably before that!)
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It's not the titles that define us - it's the emotional attachment
