4.5yr old NOT potty trained (cross post)

UPDATE: I don't know how, but our 4.5yr old woke up with dry pants this morning. I gave LOTS of praise. We also started a sticker program. I think one of the ideas that left the biggest impression yesterday on me was to realize that her staying dry all day is just too large of a feat at this time. Don't know why that didn't dawn on me earlier, but then again it's often hard to see the forest thru the trees. So now she will have a reward every few hours when she's dry. She can pick the reward. :clap: :clap: :clap: I'll keep checking in with progress. Cheers!:dance: :cheer: :cheer: :cheer:

My son has a bladder the size of a peanut and even now at the age of 9 cannot keep dry every night. He was not reliably dry during the day until almost age 5.He has no history of trauma or abuse, so I can only imagine what an extra added complication that would be for you. In his case, it's probably just a hereditary small bladder according to the MD. The doc said children who can't stay dry often had parents who couldn't stay dry (we don't know b-parents' bladder history for sure so we are guessing).The urologist told us we just have to wait it out unless we want to try drugs (which we don't, but you might). I did find that peer pressure helped a lot, ie, when he started kindergarten and saw that other kids were dry all day, he wanted to be as well.Audrey

Knowing that this child has been moved this many times.....wetting the pants isn't a surprise. Also, staying in wet pants for some time isn't surprising either (sad to say). We had one older adopted child who---even at the age of eight or ten, continued to wet in his pants. This wasn't necessarily daily, but more than occasional. He'd also hide the wet shorts in his closet, or anywhere else he'd choose. It was also not uncommon to wet on other articles in the bathroom------rug on the floor---and I'm NOT talking about 'just missing the toilet either, KWIM? We put him in pull-ups. I'd be careful for any child to just be in underware and plastic pants, for fear of a related infection, KWIM? I'm a believer in pull-ups....even though they can be expensive, they generally hold the urine easier and more securely. We went through all sides of the spectrum in trying to get him to stop. (Especially the hiding of the wet stuff). It didn't matter if we were upset about it or not....he genuinely liked the smell of the urine---which was pretty gross. And, it was a given he suffered from attachment issues and this was just another way it was manifested. I wish you luck. I think your giving rewards often is great---and it would seem your efforts are already showing progress in this child! Sincerely, Linny

We adopted our boy at birth...so no abuse or trauma was present after adoption. We have been potty-training since 3yr old. He is 4.3yr now and still wets his pants and soils it almost everyday! He gets VERY angry if I want to help him or say kindly that we must change his pants...He's happy walking around like that. We have tried EVERYTHING! Friendly, angry, stars, rewards, nothing worked. He also started getting terrible tantrums and emotional outbursts...This mostly started after the death of his grandfather(5 months ago)...? So now I made an appointment with an educational psychologist for this coming Tuesday, I'm really frustrated and worried. He has been to 3 urologists...no problem. Strengths...this is a difficult situation

It's been a month since we have been officially potty training our 4.5yr old. She has been doing remarkably well! I'll share some progress, thoughts, and a question: Progress- Since instigating potty training, we really only had one horrible evening. After that first night, all has gone so much better. The first day, when we explained to her that she is potty training now, what the rewards, incentives, etc. are, and that she needed to stay out of her brothers room (not fair to the boys to continue to let her pee on their stuff) & brothers playarea (same reason), she wailed, tantrumed, tried to manipulate us, etc. We didn't buy in, just affirmed that we knew she was "lonely, scared, etc." and anything else she barked out at us. We figure she was angry, embarrassed, or possibly who knows what. And she stood screaming at us during the two times she pooped her pants that night. Good stuff. We had a 180degree turn the next morning. I put her on the toilet every 30-60 minutes like the counselor recommended, gave much praise, clapping, smiles, hugs, stickers, balloons, movie watching, baking, you name it. We had the potty party going on over here. Since that day, she's only had about one accident a week, or less. AND she stays dry at nighttime/naptime. AMAZING! She is so proud of herself and it shows. We are all thrilled. More recently this last week she has been noticing herself that she needs to go potty. Almost a look of a surprise, and announces "I gotta go pee".....and off she goes. We have had to teach her potty hygiene. That really embarrasses her. However, it's a must since she spreads feces all up and over her genitals. She could get an infection if we let her run around like that. We've been working on the "front to back" method. Still a work in progress. Thoughts- Since she is able to make such remarkable progress within 24hrs of officially potty training, and because it's appeared to be so successful for her, we feel she came into the system unpotty trained due to neglect. The poor kid didn't know that one uses toilet paper. We feel no one ever showed her the ropes. Yesterday she told me she didn't like getting her diaper changed when she was three, so this confirms to me that she was still in diapers with bio family. When she was moved to foster care I think someone just decided she was too old for diapers, but never potty trained. So sad for her. And frustrating I'm sure. The good news is, since this has been such a great experience for her, we think the issue probably isn't biological. But I"m still keeping my appt for the January visit to Childrens Hospital Urology to rule anything out. Question- Last night we were all at my son's football game. She used the honeybucket (one total at this event/location. stupid.) Later she pooped her pants. This is a first since that first potty training night. Then she ran to the honeybucket screaming her head off. I ran after her into there. She had her pants down trying to clean it. So sad. Unfortuneately we were (nearly) a mile away from where we parked. So I couldn't leave here there to go get a change of clothes. And I figured she wouldn't walk well all the way back to the car. No one needs to tell me here that we should have brought the change of clothes. Yes, we realize that. When we got to the game, we didn't realize parking would be a problem, necessitating parking so far away. Got sidetracked and only brought the stoller, no bag (left in car). Anyway, when asked about pooping her pants, she said she WANTED TO! Argh. Then she started a huge tantrum and wailing. Inconsolable. Going ballistic like she's dying. The only thing that works at that point is to give her space (we've noted from experience). So she was a couple yards away, having this meltdown. She got herself much attention as several onlookers kept asking her "where's your mommy? What happened" I would promptly say "I'm the mommy. I'm here." If it was someone I knew, I quietly explained she pooped her pants. They gave me a smile, nod, and moved on. Our friends know about the potty training. So that was a stressful event. She cried on and off for over half an hour. We went home a little later and bathed her. The question is, what do you do or would you do, if your child says "I wanted to poop my pants" That was a new one. I dealt with her as quickly as possible. And she wasn't in trouble. Thanks for any thoughts.

In that case...as I understand your question, I think the child merely wants to show that she still has SOME control over an embarrassing situation for her. You said that she was very upset over the incident; sooo, if she says to you, 'I WANTED to poop my pants.'...that sort of lets her off the hook in her own mind. I'd simply go on, do as you've been doing, and not give the sentence another thought. Sincerely, Linny

I'd probably have said, "Oh, you WANTED to poop your pants. I'm sorry to hear that because if it continues, you will have to put a diaper on." That usually does the trick as it appears that she's proud of being potty trained and was just embarassed by what happened. Her discomfort with herself probably led to the tantrum.

If I understand correctly, the only toilet option was the "honeypot". She may have been too scared to poop in there, and chose to soil herself rather than use it. If this is right, I wouldn't really worry about it too much. Sometimes I think I'd rather poop myself than use an out house.:evilgrin:

I would agree that you shouldn't read too much into the "I wanted to." As long as the same thing doesn't start happening on a regular basis and/or in less unusual circumstances (maybe she was scared of the outhouse and didn't want to go back to it), it was probably just a fluke.