What happens to kids who age out?

Your story makes me feel so sad! I have a 16 year old foster son that will be going into "supported independent living" some time this year. He's had a rocky past, in and out of foster care pretty much since birth and parental rights only termninated at age 14. He calls me mom and says he always will, and talks about his future children being my grandchildren and stuff, even though we didn't adopt. (he refused at the time when it was offered, feeling it would be disloyal to his "real" family). On the other hand, I have a feeling he'll go straight back to the bios after he turns 18 and forget all about us - but we'll have to wait adn see. Either way, I'm hoping that the supports and connections he has will help him be successful, and NOT end up homeless, or a young parent, or a high school drop out. We'll be here, so it will be up to him to make the choice.

My husband spent his teen years in group homes, or running away from group homes to live with various relatives or on the street. He spent several years being homeless, and didn't learn how to drive, balance a checkbook, create a household budget, or most other basic grown-up skills. When we were dating, I lived in another state and didn't realize how much he didn't know about basic normal adult life. By the time I found out, we were married and I was shocked and confused, which he interpretted as being condescending, and then got angry when I tried to teach him because he thought I thought I was better than him. I see his history as being the major cause that lead to the situation that ended up with our children in foster care.

If you could I would like you to check out my thread as I have just posted a topic in relation to that. I am looking for writers who want to make a change for the foster care system and for those who leave it. I left at 18 almost became homeless and I've been to jail twice. There is a lack of support after a child ages out. I am trying to form a book with stories about this particular subject. If you have anything you'd like to share please let me know. Sincerest Regards, Mark

Fosterclub.com created a Permanency Pact plan to help foster youth aging out of the system. You can find more information by visiting thier website. Here is a brief synopsis: "A Permanency Pact creates a formalized, facilitated process to connect youth in foster care with a supportive adult. The process of bringing the supportive adult together with youth and developing a pledge or Permanency PactӔ has proven successful in clarifying the relationship and identifying mutual expectations. A committed, caring adult may provide a lifeline for a youth, particularly those who are preparing to transition out of foster care to life on their own." At the time the pact is negotiated, the adult offers the youth their choice of help. The youth's supportive adult may help by providing a home for the holidays, a place to do laundry, an emergency place to stay, job search assistance, career counseling, help search for housing, food/occasional meals, care packages at college, mentoring, transportation, recreational activities, clothing, spiritual support, storage, help with school, motivation, someone to talk to, a place to do laundry, cooking lessons, bills and money management, housekeeping, home decorating, voting, plus much more.

One of many resources is the federal program called JOB CORPS. They provide you with a place to live (college dormirory style), meals (military mess hall style) and a wide variety of vocational educaiton classes ranging from healthcare to automotive to construction. When you complete the program they help you with finding a job and getting out on your own. For more information: [url=http://jobcorps.dol.gov/]U.S. Department of Labor - Job Corps[/url] 800-733-JOBS

Welli Am Happyto See That Something So Great Can Come Out Of A Horrible Experiance....i Know That A Least 80% Become Homelss And More B Come Pregnat

My mom was in the system, aged out from a girls home. Met a really violent guy and got pregnant. Got on drugs and lost me in the system and to this day STILL doesn't know how to balance a checkbook, does things that I find appalling and lives in a motel. She has had many good years when she rented places etc, but now recently is in debt, won't work, feels entitled and living in a hotel. It would have been nice had she gotten the help that she needed. I was back with my mom from 9-on with a few stints in shelters, on my own at 17, graduated, had a couple of years in college, got married and am now happily raising my precious beloved 4 (going on 5 kiddos) We are also trying to adopt both internationally and through foster. Life is what you make it and I am so glad the God uses each and every bit of suffering for a good purpose. No hurt is ever wasted. I have encouraged many people that have been in similar situations and am an excellent wife/mama to MY family and serve /volenteer as a family in our community. It took much prayer and many good Christian healing, setting boundaries type books, many parenting classes and seminars, and friends praying for me that I feel healed and whole. I prayed for good godly mentors and learned homemaking, child reaering and healthy relationships. As awful as fostercare was and as terrible as the system is, I am grateful that I was given what resources I was.. food, shelter. In countries like Liberia, Ethiopia, Haiti, India.. there is NO social program and an orphan is an orphan totally dependent on their own skills no matter the age they are abandoned, run away or are orphaned. They sometimes die miserable agonizing death due to lack of food and clothing, clean water or medicine. As Terrible as my childhood was and it was FAR from ideal, it was better than what many millions get around the world. To Christ Jesus be the Glory! ;-)

I am an SIL provider (former foster parent) and in my experience, the kids don't want help. They fight tooth and nail every time you offer help, advice, support, etc. I would love to use the model that fosterclub.com has come up with, but there is just so much a sense of "I can do it" when clearly they can't. Like alidaw4's mom, there is a feeling of entitlement as well as pure laziness! My kids choose to fail. I see it each day and when I talk to them about alternative choices, they just get quiet. It's like talking to a brick wall. I do the best I can by offering them a safe place, but I enforce boundaries, chores, etc. The system makes it hard, though, because they won't let me provide consequences that they would experience in life (don't cook on your day, don't eat on mine). It is very frustrating!

I'm her guardian so she isn't technically my FD, but I'll call her FD. She's lived with me since she was 13, and I was her mentor since she was 7. She will be 18 in a few months and can't wait to leave me. It has been so tense around here lately. She's going to move back in her family she was taken from: with bio-great grandmother (82 - everyone sponges off of her), who is also supporting her grandmother (been on crack, jail, etc. supposedly sober now) and mother (used heroine while pregnant, in and out of jail many times, still uses methadone, medical marijuana, was in jail a few months ago for probation violations not drug testing, etc). Biomom cannot think of anyone else. Biodad is in prison for another two years (has been in 12 years) for attempted murder of his father while he was on drugs. Stabbed him over 20 times. So there is a real family history of drug abuse which means FD is definitely more likely to become addicted if she does drugs. Because I became her guardian, I do not know if she will get Medi-Cal or any other subsidy when she is 18. I have contacted all agencies to see what she is eligibile for once she is 18 - everyone says something else. SW (clueless), Medical, etc., etc. FD has learning disabilities, anxiety, ADHD, attachment disorder. Still, we managed to get her into a state college. I say we because I have helped her a lot with most major assignments. I have arranged for her to get on-campus housing starting in August. She may also get a summer residential bridges program (I'[m hoping) that will be very structured and hopefully help her with math. I've had to pay for personal math tutors to help her do independent study with the last two years of math because she just doesn't get it. With her processing disorder, math is very hard. She'll know something, then it's gone. FD is excited that her roommate bought blacklights for their dorm room. Great, but we still don't know about financial aid (I've applied for many scholarships for her), and she doesn't seem to care. She's excited that she think that her boyfriend (who was in drug rehab for a year and still does drugs) will get to spend the night, but she seems totally unaware of the financial responsibility, insurance, or any of that type of stuff. I am trying to teach her but she blows me off. She's worried about going to the tanning salon for prom, but not about how she's going to pay for living on campus. Oh, and last week, I found marijuana and a pipe in her room. She said she tried it once because she was depressed after we had a huge fight. I said I'll drug test her if I see/smell/suspect anything. Also, I had opened an Iturnes account for her because she is a singer. For a year, she charged around $10-15 a month for songs (fine by me). Well, she got an Ipod touch and in two months charged $450 in applications and songs. It is so tense and sad in my house. FD will barely talk to me. If I ask a question, I get a one word answer unless she wants something then she turns on the charm for five minutes. I had said she could continue to live with me, but she's set to go to great-grandma's house, in spite of the drama, drugs and dysfunction. She wants to be with her family. That's why I've been pushing so much for dorm living because at least she'll be away from the house and around students who hopefully do at least some studying. So, after 10 years of being her main stable adult in her family, I have an angry, mean teen living with me. I feel like I have to walk around on eggshells. She barely talks, is only on her cell phone texting or her i-pod, and I am having a hard time loving her. Sometimes I don't want to come home because I know she'll be mean. I moved in with my mom when DCFS asked me to take her, so that she would have two parents. I work late sometimes and that way my mom could drive her around to her multitude of classes, appointments, etc. I am moving out when she does and moving to another part of the state and starting over. It's just that if I knew what I know now, I would not have taken her. I gave up a lot for her, and now she's barely civil to me. Sometimes I just want her gone now.

well, my boyfriend aged out of the system...he spent the first decade of his life going from fosters to various biological relatives, before finally going into the system and staying...he had a pretty solid placement for several years, until he was a sophomore, and the wife was relocated for her job. from there, he moved seven times in three years. when he turned eighteen, the family he was living with basically told him to leave, since he was a legal adult. his sw didn't really have an suitable options, so he checked himself out. he literally had no knowledge of how to survive--he didn't know how to apply/pay for college, work out a payment plan for a car, file taxes, etc. all the things your parents traditionally teach you...luckily, he had a teacher in high school who was willing to help him out, and who let him go to her house during college breaks and stuff. if not for her, he'd be on the streets, more than likely. there is definitely a need for further support for foster kids...

To those posters whose kids are going back to bio family: they want to experience it but it's not the Garden of Eden they think it'll be. I had a 14 yo fs a few years ago. He had an older and younger sister. After me, all 3 went to RTC's-different ones. Bio mom got housing and got them back. My former fs is now in jail; I'm going to beat is butt!! His older sister, who had a scholarship, got pregnant by a guy who left the baby at a train station; she left him, went back and is pregnant again. It's tough. I wish foster families would teach these kids how to do basic things so they can survive. Not for nothing, I was with my bio family and learned how to balance a checkbook in school. Both my parents were terrible with money.

i would love to add to your book. i was in fostercare for 11 yrs and graduated high school,went to independent living and then they threw me out at 19 with only $1300. i have a mental disability and can't work i have 2 kids in dhr because of me being in abusive relationships, i am homeless, and it has been 7 yrs since i left. i never learned how to cook until after i got out,i still have not learned how to drive very well. but can drive if it's an emergency. i have not been offered very little help after dhr threw me out. i have had to try and make it on my own with no support from my biological or foster families. i moved from home to home for 11 yrs. i was in 64 fosterhomes,15 group homes and about 5 lock down facilities. i had no stability in my life and still don't at 26. i have not stayed in one place for more than a year since leaving dhr. the counseling in care is very crapping they are not equipped to deal with all the different situations that a child is in. in care i was physically abused in several different homes. even though my mother was on drugs,very abusive in many different ways and homeless they would not terminate her rights and let me be adopted my grand parent as well as my aunt tried to adopt me and they refused because for every kid they have in custody they get a grant check for as well as other benefits that the foster kids never really see for every kid in their care the older you are the more they get. i think if i was giving the opportunity to at least if not be adopted but put in one fosterhome with a nice loving family i might be a different person. i have been through mortified hell in my life time. i'm sry i got carried away. if you would like to know more you can email me at christym2b@yahoo.com

i so appreciate these posts. we are considering adopting an older child (17). "aging out" of the system is such a scary thing to think about, especially knowing there is little liklihood kids that age will be adopted before they are too old :(

You are such a sweet person to think of adopting an "aging out" child. I watched a documentary on TV once, can not remember the name or station, but it seems like it was a dateline thing. It was about kids who age out and it had some statitstics on it as to how many kids were just asked to leave and were on the streets vs. kids who's FP's kept them on. It was heartbreaking to hear that so many FP's were in it for the money and when the money stopped the kids were just left to fend for themselves. How can ANYONE have a child in their home, raise them, love them, nuture them and just put them out like that? That just makes me SICK. I for one could never turn a child out like that.

I know this thread was started a LONG time ago, but yes, it's true, these kids should not be turned out like that. They need special attention, I agree! I don't know if it's okay to post a link here, but there is a new forum online specifically designed for youth aging out. There are some resources there as well. It is just getting started, but I am trying to spread the word. The link is [url=http://agingout.boards.net]Home | Aging out? You don't have to be alone. A resource forum.[/url]. There is nothing for sale there, so I hope it's okay to post. It's meant to be a support network.