termination of rights against BM's will?? help!! NEW to this and this site!

October 31, 2007

My husband and I would like to terminate his ex wife's right to my 6 year old step daughter. His ex wife will not sign the papers. We want to go ahead with it anyway. Is this even possible??

The birthmother has seen my SD maybe 9 times in 6 years. My husband has had full physical custody with all visitation left up to him since SD was 11 months old. BM has never contributed with parenting or finances. We've worked with her to try and establish a relationship between the two but the BM moved out of state one month after agreeing to our idea of how we should go about introducing her into SD's life. She has written one letter ever. She has called her maybe 6 times ever. SD doesn't even know her. She did give her a Christmas gift last year.

SD has a desire to know her half-siblings but it is clear to us that we're not going to be able to have her do that since BM won't stick with anything and has moved.

BM's motivation to see her daughter is only based on her ability to be near my husband. She has made repeated attempts to get back together with him. After he turns her down she disappears for a while then she tries again. It's not about SD at all.

Anyway...how do we go about this? Do we have a chance? Can we do it even though she won't willingly sign the papers? Any and all advice and personal experiences would be great. THANK YOU!

DianeS

November 1, 2007

Well, you will definately need to consult a lawyer about this.

Every state has their own laws about terminating a parent's rights. Abuse, neglect, and abandonment are the most common reasons (at least, that I am aware of). Abandonment sounds most likely in your case, but each state defines that differently.

Most commonly, in order to prove abandonment you have to show that the parent has been absent - completely - from the child's life for a certain period of time. No letters, no phone calls, no visits, no gifts, no financial support. Nothing. State laws differ on how long this has to have been going on before abandonment can be claimed - I know some states use one year, but I don't know what's the most common length.

Some states have differing laws depending on who has physical custody and who is financially responsible for the child, too. So a shared custody arrangment where one parent has gone absent may have different rules from your case where one parent has full custody and the other has gone absent.

So it sounds like a lawyer's consultation is in order. You'll probably need to hire one for the full termination and adoption proceeding, too. Since the mother refuses to sign off on her rights willingly, you will have to prove that she must lose them by state law, and the mother will have the right to fight that, and appeal it even if she loses. You will want a lawyer to keep all the procedural stuff in order and make sure you know all the laws and give you lists of things you will need to produce to prove your case.

And remember - all states I know of will not terminate a parent's rights unless and until there is a stepparent willing to step into that void. I didn't see any mention of adoption in your post, so that's something to keep in mind.