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I have read a bunch of posts recently about relatives showing up out of the blue and wanting to take a child after months in foster care. It got me to thinking that maybe I am not doing enough here.
So here's a bit of our situation. We have adopted three times privately. The bio sister of our two youngest children came into care shortly after birth last fall. Our agency social worker for our private adoptions was involved from the beginning (bio mom was going to place, then she wasn't, then she was, etc.) and told the caseworkers from the beginning that we wanted baby placed with us if/when adoption became the goal. We would gladly have taken her as a foster placement but we are in a state 1000 miles away. Anyway, in Dec. bio mom said she would relinquish to us. I talked to the caseworker then and he said he was submitting our current domestic private homestudy and background checks to ICPC, told me a bit about the baby, and said to call him back on Jan. 20 for an update if I have not heard anything. I know for sure a new caseworker has the case as of this week because our private agency social worker was asked to call the new case worker to share some information about bio mom and about us. During this whole time I have only heard about baby from bio mom, who now has no more visits and the one update from the caseworker. I would LOVE to visit and am more than willing to fly to her state every few weeks to make that happen. Should I be calling the new caseworker? Asking for someone to give me regular updates? Asking for visitis? I do NOT want anyone to ever be able to say I did nothing and came forward at the last minute as that is NOT the case.
Any advice is greatly appreciated!
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I am in a similar situation. Biomom lost custody of her nine year old daughter in October. We adopted the two siblings ten years ago. I too, did not want it to appear that I wasn't doing enough. I also wanted to make sure that everyone involved in the case knows me. I am currently here and I have met the CW, foster parents, and of course G. I plan to meet with the ICPC worker too - if she calls me back and hopefully the supervisor as well. As just want them to have a face to go with the name and I have questions too :)
I strongly recommend visiting. We had to travel from PA to CA and it is so expensive, regardless I plan to do it every two months and then in June I will stay out here with my kids until school starts back up or they finish the ICPC. G needs to know us better and your little one does too no matter how little!
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I would say yes. I have known of situations like this where the plan seemed to be adoption by family who had adopted a sibling in another state, but balls were dropped and things took too long and in the end, foster parents were chosen to adopt instead. You should absolutely be hooked up to the foster parents and start forming a relationship now especially since bio mom has signed the goal is clearly adoption. Unfortunately you can't always trust things to get done without pushing.
Please please please to you or anyone else waiting on ICPC PLEASE visit!!! This is for the child and honestly for the foster family. The foster family needs to know you are committed. The child needs to know who you are and you are committed (I know sometimes this is an infant). It shows the judge and SWs your commitment too. I am over a year into a case that *I* know kin is waiting on TPR. Problem is, by then HB will be 18-24 months in our home. I REALLY want this kin to visit if they are interested but they will not call SW even though they have been given the info/phone numbers of our county THREE times that *I* know of!!!Amber, I know your situation is different ours and that you are talking months not years. Still, please try to visit once every month or so. Good luck:):)
Next time ask if you can get the foster parents' contact info and if they're open to communication with you. I was on the other side of this and us and the new family took things into our own hands and did a whole transition plan our way since the worker was useless. This wasn't out of state, so different, but not everything has to be through the workers once you get in contact with the foster family.
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Call the new SW and ask:) and if no answer, call again. They work for the state...that's all I have to say on that! ;)Part of why I'm posting this is I really hope others (maybe even my boy's kin!) will see this. Please please please if you have an ICPC in process or possibly in process, VISIT!!!! Some states don't allow the sending state to contact kin themselves while ICPC paperwork is in receiving state. YOU must call THEM!!!!!!
dawnlouise
We had to travel from PA to CA and it is so expensive, regardless I plan to do it every two months and then in June I will stay out here with my kids until school starts back up or they finish the ICPC. G needs to know us better and your little one does too no matter how little!
I am asking for visits and being told I have to wait until we are "legally attached to the case". The case worker talked to our private agency social worker today and basically said she still wants baby with us and they have a meetin first week of February and she will try to get us a visit then. Then basically don't call us, we will call you. Baby girl is in a group home and I have no contact info for them....
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Amber76
I am asking for visits and being told I have to wait until we are "legally attached to the case". The case worker talked to our private agency social worker today and basically said she still wants baby with us and they have a meetin first week of February and she will try to get us a visit then. Then basically don't call us, we will call you. Baby girl is in a group home and I have no contact info for them....
buckeyemama
First week in February isn't that far away. But don't be afraid to call (or if it was me, push your agency to call baby's CW SUPERVISOR) if you don't hear from them by middle of February. Just remember, CPS moves very slow but if you just nudge them every once in awhile, it helps. Hope baby girl is with you by spring!!!!
Yes! Not only try and visit, but, depending on how old baby is, maybe even asking to skype with foster mom. Make sure that foster mom knows that you are in it to adopt. ICPC can take a LONG time. As baby gets older, maybe you can record something on DVD so that foster mom can play it for baby so she'll get to know your voice too. (DOn't laugh at me. I am friends with one of my ex-bfs. We hadn't seen each other in years, but talked on the phone a lot in the last 3 years. I would put him on speaker phone most of the time. He came to visit me once about 15 months ago. Chubbs didn't then, and still doesn't go to anyone. Well, as soon as Chubbs heard BF's voice, he leaned over right into his arms! So, i am convinced that Chubbs "knew" BF just because he heard his voice so much on the phone.)Good luck mommy! You are going to have a crazy household. And since when do they put babies in group homes???
TemporaryMom
Yes! Not only try and visit, but, depending on how old baby is, maybe even asking to skype with foster mom. Make sure that foster mom knows that you are in it to adopt. ICPC can take a LONG time. As baby gets older, maybe you can record something on DVD so that foster mom can play it for baby so she'll get to know your voice too. (DOn't laugh at me. I am friends with one of my ex-bfs. We hadn't seen each other in years, but talked on the phone a lot in the last 3 years. I would put him on speaker phone most of the time. He came to visit me once about 15 months ago. Chubbs didn't then, and still doesn't go to anyone. Well, as soon as Chubbs heard BF's voice, he leaned over right into his arms! So, i am convinced that Chubbs "knew" BF just because he heard his voice so much on the phone.)Good luck mommy! You are going to have a crazy household. And since when do they put babies in group homes???
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