Single Father looking to put son up for adoption

Parenting is very, very hard, but extremely rewarding. But, I also know that it is not for everyone -- all the time. I have two daughters - and found a parenting group at my daycare. We swap kids and free time... In other words, I take their kids for an evening while they go out to dinner and a movie and they do the same for us. What ever you chose, it is your choice. But, please make sure that you find the way that fits best into your life -- forever. May God guide you in your choice.

See the world through his eyes. Interesting concept.... could work. I can definatly see the benifits to that, so I will give it my all to do so. I still don't understand how it can be "extremely rewarding" though. I would love it if some of you could share some of the times you have felt extremely rewarded by being a parent. Thanks again for all the encouragement! :prop:

The times that I feel extreamly rewarded by being a parent are sometimes as simple as standing in the kitchen and having my 17 year old son come up behind me and put his arms around me and say "I love you mom!" I'm sure in May when he graduates high school will be another time on my list. A few months ago when our 13 year old son fell down the steps at church and broke his elbow I was so rewarded as a parent to be there for him in his pain and help him through it. Every night when we make our rounds to each of the kids bedrooms before going to bed, yes, we still check on the 17 and 13 year old to make sure they are breathing lol, I am rewarded to see such beautiful children sleeping and know they are mine. And the biggest reward so far has been when our 17 year old says "I love you" it doesn't matter where he is calling from, who he is with or if he is standing next to you in the room he ALWAYS tells his dad and I he loves us before leaving or hanging up the phone. These are all things that let me know that it's all okay with the world, we've done the best we could as parents and our kids have turned out great!!! So you can see, it doesn't take anything huge to be rewarded as a parent so try to see the small things as huge things and relax, your doing better than you think. In my experience life is about so much more than having a huge number of adult friends and going out on friday night, those are all things that will go away at some point but having family, children, those are things that will be with you the rest of your life. As far as finding a spouse, there are people everywhere who are single with kids and have had no problem finding one. If you find a woman and she's good she isn't going to mind that you have a son she will embrace him as a part of you. If you will pm me I will be glad to give you some ideas on finding a sitter for your son so you can get out and enjoy the otherside of life once in a while! Kelley

I think it really depends on how you look at what is rewarding in your life. I always knew I wanted to be a mother. And I also was pretty sure I would be single -- nobody believed me when I was young. Turns out I was right. My daughter is now 3 years old. Before I was a mother the things that I found rewarding were being successful at my job, finishing a project, learning something new, etc. Now that I am a parent the things that I am rewarded by are her accomplishments. Watching her excitement as she finishes a puzzle for the first time, watching her excitement at jumping on the trampoline or going to gymnastics, watching her successfully dress herself, getting through the day without a meltdown (either of us), etc. And there is absolutely nothing better in this world then hearing her say, "I love you" or having her snuggle up to me in the morning (although I still wish she would sleep the majority of the night in her own bed) or watching her sleep. That is what makes me feel rewarded the most by being a parent. Samantha

God bless you, sorry you are having a difficult time. Suggestions for finding a family: local church for private adoption so it can be an open one or talk to his pediatrician to see if anyone in the process of adopting or wants to .

is there no one else in your family who can help? 5 is old enough to know what it going on. are you sure your parents will not help get you though this stage. good luck

I could give you a VERY long list as to the benefits and extreme pleasures that my children bring to my life, and I can give you an equally long list as to the pains of having placed a child for adoption.Adoption is for the best interest of the child, if you have no desire to do WHATEVER it takes to assure that your child has the best life possible, then I say run to an adoption agency. If you are just in a "funk" then find some help to be the best parent you can be to your son, he deserves it. There are so many resources for single parents, for the benefit of your son I hope you seek them out and if that seems to be too much for you to do then maybe adoption is your answer. I hope you find the help you need to make your decision, best of luck!

There are tremendous rewards in parenting. Seeing the joy in their faces and experiencing life with them, through their eyes is a joy. And yes parenting, especially single parenting is really hard. But remember, your son and my daughter and all of our children didn't ask to be here, they didn't show up on our doorsteps on their own accord (even if we didn't give birth to them, we still made a choice to adopt them) regardless of the amazing rewards (joys of seeing them experience things for the first time, accomplishments, hugs and loves) they really don't owe us anything, they really don't have to make parenting fun, it's not their job, it's ours. So I would recommend :-) Smiling when you want to scream, laughing when you want to cry and try just being silly, let the laundry and the housework slip a little to go out and throw a ball or go somewhere you two have never been. To him you are a God and all that we do with them affects them, good or bad. So sometimes you just have to fake the fun....and seriously it does come....and from that fun we find joys and rewards.

Why do I want kids? Good question. I ask myself that sometimes. Kids are not always easy to deal with from the time they are born to the time they grow up. But you can't focus on the negatives, the diapers, the crying and the tantrums. You can't be like all of these child raising books that act as if children are negative side effects to sex. (and many of them call themselves Christians, but they seem to have a less than Christ-like attitude towards children.) The hard part is looking at the positive things about kids. They are the next generation, new people who see the world in a different new way. You got to focus on the laughter and joy a kid can bring, on when they say their first words, or eat ice cream for the first time. But it's probably hard being so young and having someone so NEEDY depending on you all the time. Everyone has given great suggestions. And do you have any single parenting groups around you? And places where they have programs for kids? Perhaps you need to get away for just a bit to be by yourself or get happily social, thenyou can get on the ground and really get to know your child. You get to watch him grow up, teach him all the values and things he needs to know to help him be a full mature person. Being a parent is a difficult beautiful awesome thing, and really one problem is our society focuses more on losing freedom if we have kids or if we get married. It doesn't have to be that way. You can explore the world with a child that's old enough, take them to Europe and Asia and show them the sites there. It's not always whining and tantrums. Most of those things have a reason besides "He's trying to annoy me." I hope I am not sounding harsh, but spend time with your child, read to him, tell him stories, play with him and then slowly but surely you'll figure out why people want to have kids knowing that it's going to be hard. You've got to enjoy children while they are small because they grow up so fast and leave home and then you'll miss even the difficult times with them. :blimp: (Of course, I don't have kids yet, but I'm not idealizing it. It's difficult. Even babysitting them while your cousin parties is hard work, and they can be quite stubborn, but sometimes that's a good trait. I'm doing research right now on adopting special needs children and adoption in general.)

Why did I want kids? Well, I think I wanted them before because it is something that I was supposed to do. But actually HAVING them made such a difference. It's like my eyes were opened. I saw things through their eyes. Life had a new shine on it and I have laughed more because of my kids than I ever would have without them. They make me feel any emotion more than other people. Anger as well. I can get more angry at them than I could have ever imagined. I get over as quickly as well. My life would be so dull without them. When I do get a chance to go out and do something alone I only think of them.

Hello, I'm jen, under my fiance's birth name of course. I know how hard it is, I rasied my son for the first two years on my own and then we found the perfect "third" party. My son is going to be five soon and I am finishing up my 3th and 4th diplomas, planning a wedding and buying a house. It's odd how things turn out, now my sons begging for a baby sis or bro, he doesn't care what it is , he just wants one, so theres always people out there dieing to have what you do, if you really don't and hes five, maybe you do need to, I know my ex had to and he has no regets, hes on his fourth, I think I'll adopt, hey I live in northren Ontario! I'd take a cutie any day, but I wouldn't do what my son suggests, in a box under the tree...

I am single and I have adopted two kids. I am 34 and my kids are 2 and 3 years old. I wanted children because I wanted to do all of the things that parents do. I wanted to: Hold them in my arms and tell them I love them. Hear them say "I love you mommmy!" Tuck them into bed at night and read stories. Teach them all of the things that will make them wondeful people such as "Be kind to everyone" and "Treat others the way you want to be treated" Watch them do something really cool and hear them say "Look at me mom! I did it!" Teach them to ride a bike. Watch them go off to kindergarten with only the excitment a five year old can have. Be the loudest mom on the side of the football field. Be the cool mom when kids come over for play dates! LOL! Watching their face when they start to be interested in boys or girls in my case since I have both. I could go on and on but those are the things I had in my mind when I wanted to be a parent. Some things that have made me soar is hearing my son say, Mom your my BEEEEEEEEEEEEEST fwend! (friend) Or seeing his face aglow during his preschool Christmas program. He could not stop smiling and waving to me and my Grandmother who was in the audience. Watching my son who has some delays finally pedel his tricycle while he screams "I did it mommy, I did it!" These are all wondeful moments in our lives. Sure there are bad times. I did not expect to have to take my daughter to the ER or lose five years off of my life when she almost choked on a quarter. I didn't expect to face behavioral problems with my kids at school as this young of an age. I didn't expect to feel scared to death sometimes that something will happen to the most precious things in my life. I made the choice to adopt these children because I was ready. You were not ready for this but it came anyway. Please get the help you need and if you EVER feel like you want to hurt him, lock yourself in your room and call 911. We are all hoping it is not that bad. That you have the typical single parent blues that I think most of us get once in a while. You can do much more with a five year than you can with two toddlers. Do things with your son that YOU like. Biking or hiking or playing video games. Call a baby sitting service in your area where they prescreen and back ground check their applicants and get a sitter in there while you go out. I plan on finding that special someone who loves me for who I am and loves my children just as much as they love me. Go on a dating site and be honest about you having a child. There are woman out there who are okay with that as long as you are upfront. You CAN do fun things on your own. I do. Check it out. I hope this helps.

Frank - is there any chance you can track the mother of your son down and get child support from her so you can afford better baby sitters - you may also be able to get her to have visitation and that will free up some time for you - unless she has relinguished her rights to your child, she has as much responsibility to that child as you, and if you go to court and get a support order she MUST pay or go to jail (at least in some states like NY) just as a father would - AND by the way, I would NEVER turn a man down who had a child of any age and would in fact welcome him - especially a man with courage enough to take care of his on child - best, FC

Wow! now there's a thought. I would never have thought of that. Funny its the same old characterisation of 'roles' I've fallen victim to. Sorry! well done for pointing that out Fallen Child, good point.

I was also wondering if your son's mom is involved at all in his life? Take care....