The Bio Parent contested adoption please help!!!

I don't have any advice really, other than hoping things go well for you. I would also just advise (thought I didn't have any) to try to keep the kids out of the details of it all. They have suffered quite a bit already and don't need to hear the rest. Good luck.

My Dad adopted me from my B-father. My B-dad was behind on his child support and facing jail because of it. My parents dropped all the past child support claims if he relinquished his rights. I dont even know if this is legal today (this happened several years ago). I would never recommend this tactic as it made me feel terrible when my parents told me about it years later Җ I got over it, but it hurt for a while. In your case, there seems to be bigger issues at work. My b-dad loved me and was never abusive (to me) but for different reasons it was good I was adopted. I absolutely agree with TxMom. Keep the kids out of the loop with all the ugliness today and when they are older. In the end, it will only hurt them. Even if your husband adopts the kids, your ex will still be their dad. Best of luck!

My ex was in prison at the time that we filed. He did contest and we still fought. If you have the guidelines for your state, you should till have a case. In my state, no CS or visitation is cause. As well as the abuse. I will let you know that it may cost you to fight. Our adoption was 2500 and we had a attorney that only charged us for the court date and travle. She was a friend of the family. Also we had a GAL and would have had to pay for his attorney. The county picked that up, and only because of luck. That would have been about 1500. DO NOT give up. You can ask that he agree, and forgo the support. I did not do that, but he did not ask. He thought he would just get out of it. That is up to you, you do not have to give it up In all, our cost was 2500 and he owe's 3500. So it is pretty even Our adoption is final, but it took almost a year. Good luck

Thank you so much for your advise. We are not giving up at all. I heard that they will give him a public defender. I do not care how much it takes this is what the kids and I want so badly. I am happy for you that yours turned out well. It has been almost a year for us already

sounds like the courts can terminate his parental rights,based on abandonment.

Oceans,I'm curious why you would never recommend the "tactic" (if this is the word we have chosen throughout the thread)? I have one more question too. Why was it hurtful? My assumption is that you felt like your parents played a dirty trick on the absent biological parent to get him to bend to their whim? Let's face it. Having an ex relationship is never pretty and can be even nastier when children are involved. No man or woman is ever going to just willingly "give up rights". Even if they don't care one ounce about the children involved they are most likely not going to be agreeable. It gives them power. Most adoptive parents will probably have to entice them with something like forgiving child support. Otherwise why would the person relinquish? It's not a cruel tactic. The cruel thing is having a child and not taking care of them and then if you separate never helping your ex take care of your child. If you have a child and don't help your ex take care of them you should go to jail... period. If you can't pay and another person really wants to adopt this child and they love them and do all they can for them and care for them as their own... well... you should either relinquish or goto jail. Sorry, that's the cold hard truth.

My advice is to try your best to stay calm and know that the courts try their best to do what's best for the children - and it doesn't sound to me like there is any good reason for your ex to retain rights. I'll tell you that our contested adoption was granted based on far less horrific facts than yours. Hang in there. It's a tough process, but worth it!

Thanks I really need this...Been very depressed about the whole thing

I don't know what to say. We have a situation where the birthmother will not give her rights up even though she has not bothered to see the kids and when she did we believe she was abusive. The kids were too young to prove it and can't remeber enough to make the case. I remember night after night crying the night before she would take them. It is actually a godsent that she quit. Problem is she will contest if we bring it up for adoption. We have decided not to chance it and just love the kids. If she takes us we will fight with everything we have. For now we sleep on eggs shells hoping she continues to not contact us. We have not moved or changed or number in case we do end up in court we don't want her claiming we hid the kids. Your situations sounds even worse as this person has spent time and definetly has been found guilty. I think you will do alright in court. Just remeber if the lawyer don't think they will strip his rights you want supervised visitation. I realize that is still unbearable in your head but if you loose chances are he won't come to see the kids if they are supervised. Many times they come once or twice and never again. My prayers are with you!

Your right this is not legal today. But I have to ask if your birthfather had been abusive and you were too young to remember would you have felt the same. I want to adopt my step children but not if it will harm our relationship in any way. My concern is if she remains their mother she will pull them into her dramatic and abusive lifestyle. What do you think? Please be honest I want your true opinion for my kids sake.