Anyone have Repressed Memory?

My goodness, it is no wonder you can't remember anything for all you've been through! I have repressed memories, for other reasons, but I truly believe the brain allows us to forget that which is most painful to us. I would suggest counselling as soon as possible. Not just for you but for our son. I do hope his mother has done the same.

I have heard from a few birthmoms from the closed era that they have also experienced some repressed memories.

I definately have repressed memories.

:grouphug: i have lots of gaps in my memory, i was contacted in 2007 by my bson, i couldn,t remember his dads name - know it was steve, but not his surname. i went out with him for about 9 months or a year i think, so why can,t i remember this. there are lots of other things i don,t remember. my bson dropped me within a couple of months of us meeting. i keep remembering things and re-living the past. my auntie and sister came to see me in the home for un-married mothers , i don,t remember that. love and peace to you all. jean:hissy:

We can not change the past.. and we can live in the present.. Those are my mantras when I regret what happened.. when I get unhappy about what I cannot remember.. It is good to read that others have experienced similar.. Jean.. you can not remember the name.. I can not remember the name.. and I beat myself up because I can not give my bson names.. I do not remember the time line.. when I had sex and when I got pregnant.. I named my boyfriend.. that I had split with.. but now years later I think I broke with him months before I got pregnant.. I do not remember and I hate that I do not remember.. The man that got me pregnant.. was married and I was working for him.. as a fee lance person.. But the names and contact info is not there.. I feel so guilty.. that everything got away from me and I was a runner anyway.. MathandScience For me it was trauma.. terror.. guilt.. and folks helping me to forget.. DonҒt see your baby.. they said.. Forget.. and never speak of this again.. None of that works.. Jackie

The type of repressed memory I experienced is where I'm told again that I have a son, they do a lot of explaining, I'm somewhat convinced, and within 3 to 10 minutes I've completely forgotten what they told me or what they showed me. This is the typical situation. Some people came by my dad's house. We have a meeting. We discuss many things that lead me to believe they are probably right that I'm a father. The birth mother had to explain again that conception was from her sexually assaulting me, she was very sorry and she knew that I told her before that I didn't remember it. This news if often very shocking and confusing. Then we negotiate terms of adoption. I, always having the same personality regardless of memory, often ask the same questions I asked before. I, having the same principles regardless of memory, request that my newfound son be in a two-parent household and the parents be married and remain married at least until my son is 18. And I asked that my son keep the same surname. By time the quests were leaving, I didn't have any idea what dad meant when I 40 feet away over heard him in the parking area tell the adoptive father "Change the name, because he my try to find him some day". I couldn't remember to confront him and ask that the name not be changed, because I couldn't remember that I just learned that I had a son and I just took part in the negotiation of the adoption agreement. Today 26 years later I remember it and many details, far more than the average person would remember. And I remember some of the names I was told, yet I'm not sure they are their real legal names because I'm not finding them on internet listings, or I find hundreds of people with the same name. Another example of repressed memory is a young man in college told me that he was adopted. His birth name he told me about was similar to my name. Today 15 years later I remember that it probably is the birth name of my son. But at the time I had no knowledge I was a father. I told him that I didn't have any children. I asked about if they could send some information to verify it but he didn't want to send information. There are many examples of this. At least 6 separate times I was convinced I had a son. I saw my son at least four separate times, at lease two separate times I hugged my son but was reluctant because I didn't know he was my son or was so confused with all this new information. At other times people made additional attempts to explain but gave up or failed to convince me that I have a son. Today I feel very bad that I couldn't remember some things that were so important to other people and to me. The few times my son saw me, he probably mostly remembers me telling some adult that I don't have a son. I went to many counselors and they never could help me remember, and they didn't try to tell me that I have a son. I think a lot of my depression was from these hidden memories, like a part of my brain knew that I had a son out there but I couldn't find him even if he was standing right in front of me.

Your experiance just sounds so traumatic, I'm not surprised that you're having difficulties with memories. Jean and Jackie, you have reassured me on some level. I cannot remember the bdad's last name either and it feels really bad to me. I've tried so many ways to jog my memory. Ironically, his first name was Steve too Jean! oh well. Maybe someday my mom will fnd that letter she said she got from him that she never gave to me...

I have a name at the adoption agency.. the man I named.. but if I have my time line correct I was wrong when I put his name down.. but my parents knew him as my boyfriend.. and I lied.. Oh the lies.. I think the lies are what take the memories away.. MathandScience.. I am so sorry.. your life sounds difficult.. I hope you stay with us.. Jackie

Things are much better now that my memories have come out. Things make a lot more sense to myself and others when I can remember what happened than and what happens now. The problem of my not remembering is I didn't have a clue to what was wrong and anything I did didn't make things better. For example, I spent probably hundreds of hours in counselling or talk therapy over the issue of my not having a girlfriend. My biggest wish was to be a husband and father, yet at that time I wasn't aware that I was a father and there was a woman out there with my son without any help from me. My being lost caused emotional pain for me and for my son and probably his mother. The counselors said I was depressed and offered medication or some therapy that NEVER WORKED for me. The mother was on her own. My son was abandoned by me because I didn't know he existed. During this miserable time when I visited a relative who the mother of my child happened to be visiting that day, my 2 year old son called me daddy and I explained that I wasn't his dad. I did not have any memory of him or his mother. My father, mother and sister wouldn't help me remember because they were probably afraid I'd try to marry the woman who had my son. Some relatives did nasty things to hide things from me or cause more memories to be repressed--they were well aware of my ongoing repression of memories. They knew how to bring my memories out and how to cause my new memories to be repressed. The mother and I didn't get along at all because there was no relationship and I wasn't interested in a relationship with a woman who had proven her potential for domestic violence--rape and unprovoked physical assault. Another reason they didn't want me to remember was that they probably thought I might bring rape charges, take custidy of my son and find one of many married couples that have been waiting years for a baby to adopt and provide a healthy abuse free environment for my son. Now that I remember, I'd be able to know who to trust and not trust, and what to do to provide the best environment for my son. I'd know why I was depressed and how to make things better.

All we can do is what is ahead of us.. one day at a time.. I hope things work out.. Jackie

I have many repressed memories of my daughter's adoption. I can't seem to remember any of the day that I went to court to sign the paperwork for the adoption. I'm usually very good at remember all of the details of an event, but not that day. Total Blank! Math>>> I wish the best of luck in your search for your son.