Failed adoption support

I am a minister and we have experienced several failed adoptions and have had very little positive support. Most people just don't know what to say and the church isn't prepared for such loss. You only get general grief counseling. I want to create some support material for our church and there is very little research on the subject and I figured the best way is to hear it from people such as yourself, please help. Can any of you share any experiences of a failed adoption in the form of stories, feelings, lack of support, stupid things said, support you wish you had (public or church), or assumptions ppl have toward the issue etc... :thanks: in advance.