Birth Father, what to do?

I am a biological father who will be releasing his legal rights to his 12 year old daughter in order for her to be adopted by her step father. I am here to make sure I take the absolute best steps for my daughter as I have done nothing for her to this date. Her mother was impregnated at the age of 16 and I was 19. We had been high school sweethearts my senior year, her sophomore year. I was very controlling and mentally abusive to her. Her parents forced us to separate which only elevated my behavior. After a few months of secretly seeing each other, we finally broke up. I was unaware that she had become pregnant during the last month we still saw each other. A month or so after we broke up, I was contacted by her friend who advised me my ex-girlfriend may be pregnant. Her friend arranged for me to take my ex-girlfriend to the health clinic in which we found out she was indeed pregnant. I told her that I understood that we would not be getting back together, however, I would do everything on my part to make sure I was there for her and our child. She told me she agreed that would be the best plan. I dropped her off and I have never seen her or spoke to her again. Later that night I was contacted by her father and was told to stay away or I would be arrested for statutory rape. I called a lawyer and sure enough, that law had changed earlier that year for that state and she was now considered under aged. Frightened, yet determined to be there, I contacted her parents a few months later. My ex-girlfriends mother told me to seek counseling and referred me to a counselor. I did attend one session; however, I could not continue to afford counseling. ($100 per hour) I did take the counselorҒs advice and sent my ex-girlfriend a certified letter stating that I was available anytime she needed me and contact information on how to reach me. I still have that receipt with her signature indicating she had received the letter and a copy of the letter I sent. The counselor also told me that I would not be a very good farther in jail and I should wait for her to contact me. About a month before the baby was due, I was served papers to appear in court. Her parents wanted a restraining order against me. The papers listed allegations against me that were much exaggerated and some even untrue. Once again very frightened, I appeared in court. Their lawyer approached me to talk before we saw the judge. We agreed that we would move forward with the restraining order if they would remove all statements of actions against me. As, I walked to my car, I could see her and her family looking out of a window down at me. I had lost all hope. The entire incident had caused me to retreat to myself. Four years passed before I even dated again. Keep in mind this was for the ages of 19-23 which is a common age to be out having fun. In 2000, I happened to meet a wonderful woman at work and married her later that year. I hid nothing from my wife and she keeps me in check from becoming controlling with her. We have been married for almost 8 years now and have 2 great kids. Recently, I was contacted by lawyer stating that my ex-girlfriend has married and she and her husband would like for him to adopt my daughter. I provided no resistance to this as I am very happy to see that she will have someone to call dad. I am filling out paperwork now that gives my consent and a form to provide family medical records for her if she ever needs them. Now for my questions. I would love very much to one day to meet my daughter, however, I do not want to seek her out as she may not be emotionally ready to meet me at any given time. So I plan on waiting for her to seek me. Can anyone tell me if this is the right plan of action or should I be more aggressive? I understand that I have lost my opportunity to ever be a real father, but I am here if she ever needs anything. She also has two half brothers, who are wonderful. If I do wait on her, what can I do to ensure she can find me if she ever decides to look? I really do not know what the right answers are. Any help, especially from anyone who has been in the childŒs shoes would greatly be appreciated. Please know that my desire to meet her one day is very strong. I cry about her regularly. This is something my wife does not even know. As great as these feelings torment me, I do understand that my daughter and my ex-girl friend have been through even more than me. This is why I do not wish to disrupt them in any way and I want to make the best decisions with no regard to my personal feelings. Thank you for your time.