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Hi I have 2 boys (ages 7 and 9) that my new husband wants to adopt. My ex-husbands parental rights were terminated several years ago due to abandonment so I think the process should be fairly simple for us. It has been a dream of mine to find a man that would love my children like his own and want to adopt them so that they could have a true father and hopefully help to erase the negative memories they have of their biological fathers abandonment.
Now, though, my mother has put a huge fear into my head and I wonder if any other parents have thought about this when their spouse adopted their children. Her first concern is that if something happens to me, he could essentially take my boys away from the rest of my family and not allow them to see each other. I am really not concerned about this because I know him well enough to know he would not do this plus I see him with his 2 biological children and he maintains contact with his ex-inlaws for the children. Her second concern is what if in a few years he wants out of our marriage and re-marries ֖ then I have to share custody and deal with a my boys having a step mother. This is something that is completely out of my control and it has scared the crap out of me.
Has anyone else dealt with these concerns and if so, how did you overcome them?
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I am not a step-parent but was adopted by one... I really can't answer your concerns because they are valid. I will speak to my experience. Adoption did give me a feeling of permanency about having a father. Prior to that, I had none, even after my parents were married (prior to the adoption), he was just another man that could leave - I was about 9 at the time. Permanency felt great...
There was a time we kids thought my parents would divorce (they never did). We were worried that we would never see Dad again. So sharing custody would be a good thing (not saying to ever get divorced lol).
So no advice, just my experience... ;)
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When my husband adopted my son just over a year ago, this thought crossed my mind for about 2.3 seconds. The reality of having someone fixed and in his life, for good (I hope) outweighed the 'coulda, woulda shoulda' of what would happen if, God forbid, I were to die. I didn't allow my 'families' feelings to overshadow what I thought was best for myself, my husband and most of all, my son.