Advertisements
I was just recently licensed as a foster home looking to eventually adopt. I have not yet received a placement yet. What do most foster parents have foster children call them (Mom/Dad?, by first name?)? Given that any placement will start as a foster situation that may only be temporary, it would probably be awkward for the foster child to say Mom/Dad to the foster parents. I am sure this question has been asked in the past, but I was unable to find any similar posts in the archives.
Like
Share
My biggest worry is for those kids who want to call you mom right away. Major red flag!
But, for the most part, I intoduce myself by my first name and let it go. I never feel like I need to tell them what to call me. It usually takes a while before the kids feel comfortable calling you anything at all.
My first fk called dh by his first name, but called me Mrs. K--she was a former student of mine. The littles have always come around to some form of mom--they need that. The kids we have now call their biomom by her first name when talking to her and sometimes "my mama" when talking about her. To differentiate, they call me mommy.
My advice is to just relax and let the kids decide. It gives them a little feeling of control.
Advertisements
When our first placement arrived, we didn't know what to do about this either...so we introduced ourselves to them by our first names and allowed them to decide what they wanted to call us. Since we have quite a few nieces and nephews around our house all the time, it quickly became aunt and uncle like the others. The oldest wanted to call us mom and dad but the middle child would set him straight very quickly. At 4, she had already been a little mother for way too long.
When they left our home to move to an adoptive placement, I talked to her about the family being her forever family and that she should think of her new mom as mom once she was comfortable.
One_Happy_Momma
to have him call me aunt will be to encourage lying.
Thank you all for your responses. Everyone here has confirmed what I had suspected. That is to say "aunt/uncle" or otherwise let it work itself out and let the children figure it out based on their comfort level. I can really understand how bio parents would be upset about the use of mom/dad, but that should help motivate them one would think.
It took my foster sons about 2 days to start calling me mom. They were just turning 3 and 5 at the time. What got me...as soon as my husband walked through the door and met them for the first time he was daddy!
It was so funny because my fs are both white, as am I, and my husband is black. Proof that children really don't see color! As far as bio mom, she was Moma --- and I was Moma --- when we were around her or talking about her. Lately, my younger fs has been calling me by my name sometimes. I have had a fd who only stayed for a month. She was eleven and asked me after a couple of days if she could call me mom! Wow!
The kids know what they're a comfortable with and shouldn't be made to call you mom/dad. Let it be up to them!
Advertisements
We started out calling ourselves by our first names but within the first day it had gone to mom and dad because that's what the girls started calling us. Then we would refer to ourselves and Mommy_________ and Daddy________. It is now just mom and dad. Although once weekend visits started with bm the girls began mixing in our first names again. We just let us call them whatever they are comfortable with. We don't have a problem with either one. After all, whether bps like it or not we are the mom and dad of the house where they are living.
buttascotchbaby
whoo boy! We have a phrase here: "Lucky we live Hawai'i!" and that comment made me think of it and feel more than usual :) I know that things are very different here than the mainland, more laid back, more multi cultural and accepting, etc., but sometimes on these forums it really hits me just HOW different (not better or worse, just different!) it is. In Hawai'i (I guess it is a cultural thing; a sense of family and connection that is uniquely Polynesian?) it is a term of respect to call one's elders "Auntie" and/or "Uncle". Even most of our social workers, CPS Aids, my kids' therapist, etc., are all "Auntie" So-And-So!
**ABSOLUTELY no disrespect meant to OneHappyMomma :) What makes us different makes us special and the world a wonderful place :)**
The whole mom and dad issue is such a touchy one. I am going through it right now for the second time. I have 2 foster children both 2 yrs old, having my own 2 kids it comes rather quickly that they call us mom and dad.
I just still have not figured out the best way to deal with the biomom because she is very upset about this. Anyone have a clue what is best to tell her?
I think children should be able to call the fp whatever they want. (as long as it is respectable) I also think that if a fc calls you mom that means you probably deserve to be called that. As far as the bm goes, I dont think she should say a word about it because she is the one who caused the situation in the first place. The least she can do is let her child be happy, and if that means letting the child call you mom, so be it.
bio mom to :male: 5 and :female: 4
Hopefully starting the fostadopt training 8/08
Advertisements
My name is Millicent and my nickname is Middie. I give my kids the option and the foster sons I've had called me mommy Middie. I had 2 girls who started out calling me mom. I think that was more because the oldest (who was 10) thought it was a permanent situation with me. It wasn't-long story. I also had bio mom get upset when my fs called me that. There was reunification and I got to see him and his brother a little while but she then cut off all communication.
Im glad I found this. I am doing kinship care for my counsins age 18 mo and 3.5. Ive had them since Jan 08 and the oldest we started with auntie. Everyone in the family calls me auntie. But the baby is now calling me mommy and it is wigging the oldest out, she is very clear who her mommy is. I dont feel right correcting her. They still call DH uncle Chris but the baby has used daddy a few times. The oldest will tell her "your daddy is in jail". DH thinks maybe he should just ignore her when she calls him daddy and only respond to uncle. Im not sure that is good either. Now that CS has told us an extention is on the table we will have them another 6 months I was worried about the mommy/daddy thing. But I guess it will be what it is.
SOme kids fall right into calling you mom and dad, some don't. my last FD never called me anything. She called hubby mr. first name. We were told by our private agency that the kids MUST call us mr and mrs first name or last name. we're not to let them call us by our first name because there needs to be boundaries, they need to see us as the adults in charge.
Advertisements
My wife and I are possibly getting our first foster son for a special situation he is in. He just entered the system, but we are in the system to foster adopt. Our situation is that this possible "son" is a teenager and we are also host parents to a foreign exchange student, our 11th to be exact, and preparing for the 12th to come in the fall. We have three past students coming to visit between the summer and next spring.
All of our exchange students call us mom and dad. That has been the standard so that there was a clear sense of family in the home. My question is whether it would be inappropriate to ask the foster son to call us some derivative of the same, so that there is not a double standard when it comes to the exchanger? Any suggestions would be welcomed. Email me at muzikstar1@sbcglobal.net if you can give some advice on this.
I was just recently licensed as a foster home looking to eventually adopt. I have not yet received a placement yet. What do most foster parents have foster children call them (Mom/Dad?, by first name?)? Given that any placement will start as a foster situation that may only be temporary, it would probably be awkward for the foster child to say Mom/Dad to the foster parents. I am sure this question has been asked in the past, but I was unable to find any similar posts in the archives.