food help!

Its good you reallize its not about the food. I would suggest that you allow HER to decide what she wants the family to have for dinner one night a week and if possible, she helps you cook it. If you think it would be useful, you or hubby could then complain loudly & repeatedly and refuse to eat what she helped cook. I would also suggest that she can get up whenever she wants but cannot leave her room or make noise until whatever time the rest of you get up. Find some quiet toys or books for her to play with.

maybe she was use to making her own food. i would give her a few choices and then gradually serve her what everyone else is eating, has she been with you long? also maybe put some granola bars and water in her room for the a.m. when she wakes up early.

when our kids first moved in, they had food issues....that weren't mostly about food too. they were 8 and 9. we let them each pick out a meal each week. they had to decide what it would be (with limitations...we obviously didn't want donut night every week, so we limited it to one meat, one or two veggies, a fruit, one side, and a special drink or dessert...then they had to make the shopping list, and help make it. the rule was the other nights of the week, they had to eat what we served without complaining. no fake gagging or vomiting, no accidently dropping it on the ground, no asking for something else, etc. i never made them finish a meal...so if they didn't like it, i didn't care if they ate it AS LONG AS they ate all the vegetable served....and they understood that was their choice, and they would have to wait until breakfast for the next meal. my son made this choice SO many times....until he began to realize how hungry one is in the morning. :) now he will eat almost anything. with him, even now at 14, we give him a "two veto pass." each year he gets to pick 2 things he doesn't have to eat that we won't even put on his plate and won't nag him about. the only rule was he couldn't veto a veggie. so the last few years he chose potato salad and balsamic vinegrette salad dressing. lol. FINE. i won't serve him those things...he knows the rest will go on his plate. :)it makes life easier. we also had to make the rule that regardless of when they got up, other than one trip to the bathroom, they were to remain in their rooms until 7 a.m. this gave the babies a chance to sleep a little longer. .....also, BEFORE we had this rule, we would wake up to cartoons and cereal being poured at FIVE IN THE MORNING! (they were also used to feeding themselves) now, they didn't take the 7 a.m. curfew well. one morning i woke up and i swore the house was 50 degrees....and it was. to make a long story short, dd used the clock on the thermastat to know what time it was, so she tried to readjust it so she could say, "well, the clock in the hall SAID 7." and that way she could go down early without it being "her fault." and instead...she adjusted the air conditioner to 50! LOL! so the beginning was tough, but now they are very well trained. :) ....or very quiet. lol. either way :arrow: i'd try to adjust a few things, maybe let her help pick a meal every week, or pick the veggie at dinner, etc...and then stick to your guns. if she doesn't want to eat, don't make her, but don't let her get up early to eat breakfast when she should be sleeping. if she wants to complain during dinner, have her go to her room and put it in writing while the rest of you enjoy your dinner. i'd even say if when she is done complaining in writing if she would like to join the rest of you for a complaint free dinner ( since she already finished hers) then let her come back. i think alot of it is about control...but i think some of it IS about food. it was hard for my kids to adjust to eating veggies and home made food, when they were used to lots of taco bell and pizza. even if i made tacos, it wasn't the same as what they are used to....everything in their life was already different, and this was just one more thing for them. i realized it was hard on them, which is why i tried to do a few different things, but i also laid down the law on certain aspects of it bc if i had to hear the "'i'm going to puke," gag one more time during dinner i was going to lose it. (no pun intended ;) ) good luck. :)

:thanks: I let her pick one meal a week and we go out to a family style deli that has a great kids menu. Even on those evenings getting her to eat can be a challenge. Our Deli is on her visit day with Mom. She has been with us for three months. Her first two weeks I was very relaxed about food. It is very clear that not only was she feeding herself but she says she would fix food for her parents to encourage then to wake up. The only vegetable she will eat is a raw carrot. Today I am not allowing her to snack between lunch and dinner and I am going to work in a few of the great ideas you all shared here. No leaving the room before 7 and have her write down her complaints. Thank for the advise. I hope it helps.