My dh wants to adopt my 5 children

I know every state is different, but in my state, you'd have to have termination of your ex's parental rights in order for your present husband to adopt them. Either he could voluntarily sign or the judge could order them after a hearing, but either way, an adoption couldn't happen before the tpr. As long as he's paying child support, no matter how far in arrears he is, the state can't automatically tpr him.

I realize that the state won't terminate his parental rights because of the child support. I also know that I am grasping at straws. My kids love my husband and I feel such a strong need to protect them from their father. He is poison. I have been very careful not to put him down in front of them, and I tell them that he loves them but the court won't let him see them right now, but they aren't blind. They have been through so much. I know in MT that 12 is the age of consent for adoption, but what exactly does that mean? How would I even have him served without a physical address? I also wonder if I should just let things rest because I know he won't be able to see the kids any time soon, but I don't want to just sit back and wait for the next pin to drop. My kids have started using my husband's last name on whatever school papers their teachers allow them too. Man, I just can't see him giving up his rights. It is all about control.

Is it possible that he would consider if he knew he wouldn't have to pay child support anymore? For some people that is a great motivator because they hate having to pay. From what you say about him, it is possible he might go for it if it were presented as a relief for him. He has minimal contact now and to take away the burden of child support, etc., he could consider self-TPR. On the other hand, he might just want to keep it, just for the control issue. I know this doesn't help the kids right now, but once they turn 18, they can be adopted. I have a friend who did this with his step-daughter. It was her 18th birthday present that she had been waiting for, for 6 years. In reality you can call yourself any name you want and use the legal name when it's called for. You might not be able to change the kid's last name on their school records, but a good sit-down with the school officals should allow the children to use the new last name, especially when it comes clear that the use of the old name leads to emotional abuse again for the children. I would highly reccommend talking to an attorney that knows about this type of situation. It might be possible to TPR if he were found to be a threat to the children and the fact that you have to somewhat hide from him. The two agencies denying him a place for visitation is good thing.

I forgot to mention that the judge that ruled on our divorce also granted me a permanent order of protection against him. I guess that has to say something!

I know someone where the dad agreed to terminate parental rights as long as he didn't have to pay back child support. My friends husband was then able to adopt her daughter.

The suggestions you're getting here are what make adoptions get overturned. You are not legally able to 'forgive' back support - nor is it legally allowable for you to offer someone money (which is what you'd be doing) to terminate their parental rights. People have done it and gotten away with it - but many have done it and NOT gotten away with it.Don't chance it. If you want it legal, follow the law. Don't mention money or child support - you have no legal standing with regards to ordered support - it's between a judge, an attorney and the best interest of the minor child.I may be coming off as harsh - but I am shocked at the number of posts you've had from people urging you to 1) offer money for the rights to your child and 2) break the law...Both of which are against the rules to even discuss here on the forums.

As I stated before, I would recommend finding an attorney who deals with this type of case in your state.

I am very familiar with SPA laws in Texas - and your friend is VERY lucky. Had the court not forgiven the back support (which is becoming more and more common) - he would have had grounds for overturning the adoption, based on fraud/coercion.The court (unless it was the judge ruling...and I find it odd that the father was even in court, since his participation in a SPA (or any type of adoption) doesn't require him to be a party, beyond singing a notarized document outside of court) can't tell someone what will happen in a case, until the case is in front of a judge and a judge makes a ruling. An attorney told my son's father he wouldn't have to pay support any further (some random, uninvolved attorney) and based on that advice, he signed. That attorney was wrong. He still has to pay the back support he owes, and had I been the one to say something about "Support will stop if you allow this to go thru" he would have had grounds to file a case based on coercion. Offering money (even money owed) in exchange for TPR is exactly that...and more and more judges are starting to come down hard on parties who use that as a tool to get rights terminated...In court, when I asked about back support, the judge over the adoption proceedings indicated to me that they were no longer ruling on back support during adoption proceedings in my state – because it was a separate issue and they were seeing to many cases involved the exchange of forgiveness for rights. He indicated that the biological father and us could petition the court, once the case was complete, to have them forgiven, if we wanted to – but arrearages forgiveness was not an adoption issue and would not be heard. And while yes, the adoption does go through the court - rarely do the adopting parties disclose that they've offered forgiveness of support and/or money in exchange for the TPR - and because adoption is a family court issue, the parent who has had their rights Terminated are not a party to the proceedings...and obviously can't stand up for him/her self. The bottom line – leave it up to the attorneys involved – and even then, know what they're doing. While attorneys are professionals, they aren’t above making empty promises, especially in cases of adoption. Don’t mention money (back or future support). If he doesn’t want to do it, then you’ll have to find other, legal ways, to Terminate his parental rights.

Brandy - Great info! and it makes total sense. This was the case in my adoption 35 years ago and personally, it never made me great. I felt a little sold even tho I loved my sdad more than anything and wanted to be adopted by him. Personally, I'm glad to hear this even tho it can make it harder (which I don't like).

One of the small bits of advice my attorney has given me if I do wish to proceed is to keep the child support out of it. That said, he is currently obligated to pay over 1000.00 a month in support (normally it is 700.00, but he pays 350.00 towards the arrears). Believe me, if this were ever to happen, I don't want him to have any legal grounds to have it overturned. Thank you for the advice.

Hello, I understand completely what you are dealing with. My ex-husband was abusive to me for the whole 6 years we were married. After I left him I tryed to be friendly because we have two kids, but After I moved to Canada and remarried he cut me off from my son (who he somehow ended put with cusody of) and for 4 years has had nothing to do with my daughter. My husbnad has raised my daughter since she was 3 and she don't remember my ex-husband at all. I hope you are able to work this out. Good Luck!!!

Wow....I was suprised to read the stern comments by the adoption director on this subject. Although, I am glad to know the law on this subject! My X is over $10,000.00 behind on support, and has not contacted our children in over 2 years. I have a girl 16 and a boy 15. My husband wants to adopt my children, and they are all for it. I was going to go the same route as others have stated. I now know not to mention this during the process. Thanks!

To my understanding of the law in Texas some of things mentioned by Brandy are not necessarily true. Termination of parental rights after a six month timeframe is signed sealed and deliverd so to speak. Even before the 6 month timeframe the only route for collateral attack is, as Brandy mentioned, the topic of duress or coercion. I don't advocate doing anything illegal but to some extent most cases are going to spark some, let's say, rather "iffy" conversations with the bio parent. This is due to the nature of their circumstances. Maybe they are incarcerated or financially impaired. Or maybe they realize they can never possibly care for the child or even care to do such a thing but they do not wish to give up their power so they try to play any card they can. It is very typically going to be the other parent (the one whom would terminate rights) that will bring about any talk of money or child support. That is not coercion. For the record, yes you can forgive child support. I personally prepared all of the paperwork 2 years ago and successfully adopted my son. I researched extensively online for about 6 months prior in my off hours and in the end it all turned out perfectly. My wife and I explicitly put a provision in the petition to forgive back child support. The TPR of the bio parent and the petition for adoption were granted by the judge with not so much as a the blink of an eye.