Bad behaviors from fd (not too long) help!!

she may be feeling like she might have to move also and acting out on that. How long had the boys been with you before they moved? To her they might have been like brothers. my 4 yr old fs has had a really hard time when my past 3 placements went home and he still isn't any closer to permanancy. Have you tried explaining to her that they went home to their forever family; and you are her forever family and you are going to keep her forever no matter how she behaves? My former fs "J" went home in october 2007 and fs "L" still cries for him on a regular basis. at 4 they are just old enough to understand feelings but not really old enought to understand why things have to happen the way they do....TOUGH AGE!!!!

It sounds like she is frustrated at the change in the house, which is normal. Trust me- time outs and taking away objects does work, but it may take time and you must be completely consistent every time. That is the key to it. Explain to her in as few words as possible that these behaviors are not acceptable and if she does them she will sit in timeout and lose a possession. Each time she gets up or screams at you, it's back into the timeout chair and the timer starts again. 1 mintue for each year of age. Get a timer she can see and hear and put a chair in a place where you can watch her. When she gets out of the chair, put her back and don't explain anything to her. Also get a chart started with a system of rewards. Explain to her that she gets a star for every day that she acts appropriately. A week of stars gets her a prized object. Maybe she really wants a princess dress or a doll or something. Find something she has really wanted and make it the weekend reward. Even buy it and put it where she can see it , but not have it. Remind her every morning about the chart and what the reward is at the end of the week. You also need to praise her when she isn't screaming or being bad. If she is sitting watching TV or playing praise her for being such a good girl and remind her what she will get for being such a good girl. Along with this, you need to explain to her what is taken away if she screams. Whatever is her most prized possession is, should be the first thing you take away. Be it a blanket, a doll, TV or whatever, if she screams it goes. And don't let her know where it goes, just take it away and don't give it back. She will scream when you do it, but put her in the timeout chair. She has to be good to get the possession back, but she should never get it back the day it is taken away. She can have it back the next day if, and only if she has not screamed at you. You may think this is harsh, but it will work and it usually only takes about a week to stop this type of behavior. Some hard cases have needed a little longer. You have to be consistent and explain it to her so she knows what to expect when she screams. You should also explain to her your expectations when you go out. If you remind her to not scream or run then she knows right before you go into the store what to expect if she does.

Hi, the boys had been with us for 1 year. Right now we do (or I try to do timeouts), for my husband, fd will sit where he tells her until time is up, for me she will not sit, no matter how many times I put her there she gets up follows me going ah ah, I put her back she continues to get up, we have taken several toys away, it doesn't seem to bother her, she doesn't ask for them back, we have been working on the prize with her, her prize is a puppy, she has been wanting one for about a year, she knows that she has to be good, listen to me and not scream at me, my husband and I both have sat her down and explained that to her. We have also told her before going somewhere what she is supposed to do and that she will not get a puppy if she acts bad, but is doesn't help any. My husband thought that maybe during the day I should do more things with just her, I tried that too, that seems to make her worse. I am hoping that it is a stage and will pass or that we will get someone else her age to take her mind off of the boys. Thanks for your help. sherry234

It sounds to me like what she needs is some time in rather than time out. It seems she may be afraid that she too is going to be moved. Hold her, reassure her. and when she acts out, keep her close. We went through this with our adopted son when we had a foster daughter move. His adoption was not yet completed. He was so sure that he would be next. Now, here we are again in the middle of moving a child that has been with us for 10 months. And once again I am having to constantly reassure him that he is not going anywhere. His adoption has been final for over 2 1/2 years, and he still is afraid.