Adoptees & Father's Day

Thanks Dickons. :)bprice215: Maybe someday indeed. *hugs to you*

I am coming up on four years of reunion with my father. This is the third fathers day. It is hard to find an appropriate card so I tend to pick the humorous ones. His birthday is a week after and I do observe that too. We have had a great reunion experience.

For me, both Mother's Day and Father's Day are a time to celebrate my parents, who happen to have adopted me. The day that I acknowledge my birth parents is my birthday--this is the day I give myself to focus on the ties that were formed by my birth.

hisme, that is really neat!!! Maybe if my situation was different I might feel differently about Father's Day and my bfather. I have only one father and he is deceased. :( Knowing what I do know about my birth father, I have no desire to have contact with him. I do not wish to be in reunion with him. I can see where others would and that each situation is different and that there are many bfather's that would have liked to have been involved. I pay my respects to them. Carolyn

I'm not in reunion, but this will be the first year that father's day comes and goes that I know anything about him (and it isn't much). I'm sure I will think of him, and if reunion becomes a part of my life, I imagine I would acknowledge it.

This is the first Father's Day in reunion. Last year, I knew a little about him (but no contact). Hallmark doesn't make a Surprise! Guess Who? Father's Day card - although I did giggle a little about it. This year, I did send a Father's Day card - I agree with mlassi - appropriate cards are very hard to find. His birthday is several days later and sent a present for that. My aparents are both gone but I will remember Daddy on his day, just as I remembered Mom on her day.

If I knew who he was and have contact with him then I would honor him. I do still think about him on that day as I do of my b-mom on Mother's Day. This year however is going to be very hard for me. My Daddy (a-dad) is in the hospital right now battling cancer. It is hard for me to see him, he has been such a strong person my whole life and now he is struggling to get through this.

My first dad is passed on, he died before I was born. I think of him, but don't really do anything.

bprice, I am really wishing you the best. you seem to such a good guy and have your daughter's best interst at heart. Because of that I have huge amounts of respect for you!!!! I don't remember your story, how old is your daughter? Happy Fathers DAy to you!!!!

I mailed my Father's Day card yesterday to my dad. I sent him one last year with a gift. I call him Dad, I have ever since he acknowledged me as his daughter. I don't know what I would do without him. We have been reunited for a couple of years now and I wish I had searched twenty years earlier. Debsw

Sniffles, Sorry to hear about your Dad. My Adad passed from cancer. It is very difficult and painful for everyone. Take care. dsw

sniffles, so sorry to hear about your dad. I lost my mom to cancer. It is difficult. My dad is doing well for a80 y.o.. He has had some major health issues but is now on a sort of steady plataeu. In terms of bfather and fathers day, no I never really thought about him then. Other days yes, but the feelings are very conflicted. Most of the time I do have some resentment that he left my bmother in the lurch being pregnat with me and the fact that she felt she had no other choice but to put me in foster famlies until she could come get me(that never happened). I am sure his feelings ran the gamut of "hey it ain't mine" to total abject fear, and whatever else. I never got the full story of what really happened at that time as bmom would not talk about it. My gut, intial feeling is that he really doesn't care about me or what happened to me, I think that if I were to contact it would not be a hapPy thing for him. At the time of my birth, mothers were the sole caretakers of children and fathers had much less responsibilty both physicla and emotionally. I think( pure conjecture here) he walled off any feeling or resposibility of me and took off. then again, I could be totally wrong and there may be other factors at play. But at the end of the day, fathers day belongs to my dad. Just the way it is.

The first year of reunion, I did nothing. The next few, I sent a card (I agree they are hard to find!!). Last year, I missed it, and it hurt him more than I would have imagined. (He didn't say as much, but I could tell.) So this year, I saw him last weekend to celebrate and gave him a gift. He asked me to call him on the day itself, so it must mean more to him than I had thought, which in turn means a lot to me. I spend Father's Day with my wonderful adad, but I will call bdad, and I'm looking forward to it. :)

I think that if I had any info other than just his name, or thought he wanted to know me I would think of sending a card etc as I do for my firstmom. Sadly for him, he chose to walk away and not know if J even gave birth. No ill will to him, you make your choices in life, but fathers day is reserved for my husband and my adad.

Adad and bdad would be honest with me about who they are and want contact with me for who they really are, I would absolutely acknowledge them, as it is they do not so I won't force cards or calls on them they don't care to get at this point. This is a result of closed adoption and the reason every one loses all the way around. When "lies" rule everyone loses! Even those that weren't participating in them. Maybe some day it will change, I pray they will be truthful and want contact, but as of now, thankfulness and care focused on those I am fortunate to have been blessed with, i.e. Husband, father-in-law, son-in-law will get the respect they have earned. :love: