foster care and dating

Hi, I am a single amom who adopted my two through foster care. I am in different in that I adopted children on my own because I had gotten out of a eight year relaitonship and didn't want to wait any longer to find "the right one." BUT I went into it thinking I would date and meet Mr. Right soon after adopting. HA! Things have been rough physically on me as I have some health issues and money is SUPER TIGHT! I only planned on adopting one first and then waiting a bit to get on my feet financially until trying for a second. God had other plans for me because a month after my son's first birthday (and six months before his finalization) I got the call for his newborn bio sister. I REALLY wanted a girl someday and I wanted to keep them together so I took her too. Dating has been tough because I was just so tired and still am, that I didn't feel like dating. BUT if I had met someone that I liked, as you did, I would totally go for it. It's very doable. If you ever decided to live together you would just have to have him go through all of the background checks and stuff. If you were to marry though you would need to check the laws about marriage and adoption through the state. Some states require that married couples be together for a certain amount of years first. So let's say you were close to the adoption of a child but you married first. They may not allow you to adopt that child because you have not been married x amount of years. I would not worry about it though. You are young and you can parent and find love too. I'm still hoping to someday. If I can just find some energy.

Of course you are expected to stay single, never fall in love with another human being, or move a single peice of furniture ever again from the time you decide to become a foster parent until the end of time! :evilgrin: On a more serious note, if you ever consider co-habitating then at that time he will need to have the background checks done before moving in and possibly the finger printing. My area would give time for the training to occur and the homestudy to be updated, but you'll want to check with your licensing worker to find out what your area requires. One thing you may need to eventually discuss with any future person, if you don't marry, is whether a child you choose to adopt will be adopted by just you or both of you. My DH is actually my long-term boyfriend. Eventhough there is controversy in our state about two single people adopting a child from foster care, in our situation the state signed off and approved for us to adopt twice. Both of our names show up on the birth certificate and in all the court documents.

lol... well I already knew not to fall in love with another piece of furniture again. lol I appriciate the advice, I don't know if anything will ever come of this person I have just met, but I told him right off that this is what I want to do and if he is not interested don't waste my time. He still calls! lol I told one person that, and haven't heard from him since, but this is very important to me and I don't want to start any type of relationship with a man who will not be on board, at least to mentally support me and my decisions to be a foster parent. I am still in the process of getting approved. my hs has to be submitted to state by July 9th. I think it will make it there sooner, I believe if I'm right on my dates, I should be approved by Aug 20th. Thanks for thoughts, and good luck to you!

I started dating my boyfriend about a year after I started fostering. My workers have had no problems with it and are very happy for me. They are excited that I am getting married too (especially since will be getting a big house). If anything I would say they should be happy that you are happy. If they are not then there must be something wrong. And I don't mean with you or your relationship. If things start progressing down the road and you decide to live together he will have to go through finger prints, and paperwork. And if you get married he will have to go through classes. I never thought about what BethanyB mentioned. Although I have mentioned adopting quiet a few times and no one has ever mentioned having to be married for so long. Even though I love fostering my main goal is and has always been adoption. Does anyone know about time frames on a new marriage and adoption?

I never thought of it that way either but I read about it happening to someone. I believe she posted about it here but that was a LONG time ago. You would probably have to go back a while on these threads to find it. The poster said that she had been a single foster parent who was in the process of adoption but that she was planning on getting married before the adoption was finalized but they told her that she would have to be married for x amount of years before she could adopt the child. So I THINK she was going to wait until after the adoption to get married. I don't know if she is still on the forums and I can't remember her name. But there is an easy way to find that out. Just check with your local office and ask if there is a requirement on how long you have to be married before you can adopt. If they don't have a requirement than you would be fine.

i too am a 32 yr old single foster mom. i got into fostering 4 years ago b/c i had given up on finding mr. right. then wouldn't you know it, i get my home full (4 kids) and i meet my guy aboout 10 months later. we have been dating for 3 years now next month. DHR i guess has decided it's pretty serious and just gave me fingerprint cards and background check papers last week for him. They told me he is around the kids on a regular basis and he needs abi/fbi clearance and a CAN screen. ( No we do not live together and he never sleeps over.) and i only keep babies and toddlers. As far as moving in with him his home would have to be approved,and he would have to take the next set of GPS classes. and as far as marriage the two of us would have to go through the GPS (MAPP) classes together. I do not know how it would affect adoption b/c i'm only in it to foster at this time. This is the policy for N. Alabama not sure if it is policy everywhere. Good luck with fostering and your new relationship.

I got divorced in 98. I became a foster mom in 2001.I told myself no dating when I have babies. No men need to meet my kids only if, it's a stable positive relationship. Not that I pick sick losers. I hear about how some men only date women with children ,so they can harm them. When the child been mistreated and the mom didn't have a clue. My kids won't be hurt again when they'er with me. My sister says I'm too worried. It's hard for me to trust people with my foster kids. I would like to date again but, I have to put it off longer. My friends ask me how I can live like this it's more to life? When the kids are little older and God whats me to date I will. I know I am weird:arrow: Bonita